Over all that quantum physics lately, I have totally neglected a much more important issue: our happiness. And I mean true happiness of course, not the fake stuff you get from a loving family and friends as the slave drivers try to make you believe is what you must settle for. True happiness, that we scientists surely can all agree on, needs chemicals, like serotonin, THC, and so on.
One totally misunderstood little gem in this arena is the Nutmeg, a fruit (nut ?) harvested from the Myristica fragrans tree. Therefore the title, get it? No, it wouldn’t mean anything else – what could it possibly?
Why I write “misunderstood”? Well, not only that there is the usual vilifying of anything that provides true happiness without making Eli Lilly or Pfizer rich, partially out of carelessness, as even here on Science2.0 happened recently (it is otherwise a good article though, about one of the chemicals in nutmeg, namely myristicine; the mescaline connection is intriguing).
Here another picture stolen from Enrico – but note that myristicine is not the only compound in nutmeg and it alone will not give you a pleasant time (there is safrole, elemicin, and probably unknown ones). The usual issue: pure THC without CBD, CBN, and CBG does not result in the medically useful effects of marihuana either, thus THC existing in tablet form is not a valid argument for putting innocent people into jail:
Anyway, back to the red thread: Nutmeg is also totally misunderstood by many psychonauts that believe to know everything about drugs. The reason is only partially the misinformation by officially endorsed sources, although because of those, I also once hated nutmeg. School library books do not tell you the important stuff, so if you try nutmeg after reading one of those, likely you try it in some stupid way, and then it sucks.
But this is what Science blogging is all about: Lets get down to the science of the important stuff that no scientist has interest publishing on otherwise. The main problem with nutmeg is not how you take it, although you should not smoke it of course, since that tastes absolutely awful and doesn’t work anyway. What I mean is, there are no known tricks like drinking grapefruit juice or Monoamine oxidase inhibitors to improve it – myristicine is itself a weak MAO inhibitor. After extensive experimentation, I can also report that there is no difference between consuming nutmeg with acids like vitamin C or bases like sodium carbonate, which make a huge difference when consuming amphetamines like meth.
The only thing about consumption is: Do not take it together with green tea. Green tea does not let you take up fatty molecules, so drink lots when dieting, but not when ingesting oils that you want to take up, like fish oil, magic brownies, or vitamin A, D, and E.
So what is the big “problem” with nutmeg? It is the timing! The main issue is not how, but when you take it. It must pass your stomach, is only taken up afterward, and maybe even needs some chemical conversion in the liver – not all is known about it. It implies that you must wait for two to five hours until you feel any effect. The result is the following: Dummies read that nutmeg is a trip in some stupid tabloid, they go buy it, attend a party later in the day, eat a little, it tastes terrible, nothing happens. Maybe next time, again late in the evening, they eat a little more, say a whole nut, then nothing happens, then they much later in the night blame any feeling on the drinks or whatever consumed out of sheer disappointment, maybe they feel nauseous, and they never touch it again. Or worse, they think they did not eat enough. Next time, they eat like five nuts and add beer because, you know, the last time “nothing happened”, then again nothing happens for three or so hours, then they start to feel like crap, then they fall asleep. Next morning they feel like having been through a train crash and their eyes were ripped out. Result: nutmeg has a really bad rep, and the reason is the same as for most of our troubles: Stupidity!
Well here is how you do it: You take it in the morning, like mature people do with all such substances anyway! You ingest it straight after you wake up, first thing you do, 6:30 at the crack of dawn. Does not matter how you do it, but half a nut squeezed on with a heavy rock onto a wooden cutting board and rubbed into some instant coffee from one of those three in one packs works fine. If you cannot stand the taste, grind it into soybean milk powder instead of coffee, that works extremely well, much better than milk powder. It masks the taste and the consistency is just right to suspend the bigger pieces left over from your careless grinding. Add hot water, stir, and voila, down the hatch. I have some photos of the preparation.
And then, at around nine or ten o’clock while you are banging away on the keyboard in the office, all of a sudden you realize that today is good, very good, unreasonably good; you really like to sit there and do whatever you do for ever, and a huge grin occupies your face. And the “problem” of the timing turns into the best aspect. That grin is going to stay with you for 10 or even more hours.
If you wanted to get the same effect from the other best non-addictive, safest anti-depressant on earth, which is of course marihuana, you would not only pay much more money and often face legal repercussions (nutmeg is only illegal in one of the worst countries on earth: Saudi Arabia), but with pot, you would need to toke again every four or five hours, riding up and down as the effect comes and goes. Not so with our gem the nutmeg. One smooth ride all day long, and around bedtime, it bids you goodnight and quietly leaves.
Well, there are some remarks in place: Firstly, do not buy ground powder. The best molecules will have evaporated away or oxidized or whatever they do.
Secondly, nutmeg fruits vary widely in size, weight, and oil content, and they are often internally attacked by fungi, invisible from the outside. So, it is best to buy a lot and … well that is what I am going to tell you in my next article on this topic, which will be about making nutmeg liquor! I plan to do it again this weekend, so stay tuned. Surely I will actually come around to do it one of these days. One pound of nutmeg nuts, which cost me next to nothing, are already waiting at home, staring at the 500 ml of pure alcohol that will play a vital role in their demise. Life is good.
For more on other important substances see under “Drugs” in Sascha Vongehr's Articles Topic by Topic
Here the ridiculous attempt at making this article also look look sciency:
 "Nutmeg Intoxication," New England Journal of Medicine, July 4, 1963;
 "Nutmeg as a Narcotic," Angewandte Chemie International Edition, June 1971
Addendum: And here is some link to a Slate Article about the recent nutmeg scare mongering in the media, and a link to the most ridiculous scaremongering I have ever seen, so the guy responsible for it does not need to put his link with some stupid, made up scare story into the comments like he does on every website in existence that mentions nut or meg. (I am pretty sure he will show up anyway – what is wrong with such people??? Man – just eat a nutmeg dude!)