Fresh from ironing out the mechanical difficulties in the faster-than-light neutrino, CERN and OPERA have licensed the technology to soda giant Pepsi, which will use neutrinos instead of dissolved carbon dioxide to create the drink's iconic fizz.

"This truly is the choice of a new generation," says Pepsi CEO, Indra Nooyi.

The partnership comes on the heels of a difficult month for OPERA during which the faster-than-light particle made headlines, then appeared to be the product of loose fiber-optic cables connecting a GPS unit to a computer. The apparent gaff resulted in the resignation of the overseeing physicist, Antonio Eriditato. But after replacing the faulty fiber-optics with slightly undercooked capellini, Eriditato and OPERA were able to replicate the transmission sans error, confirming the particle's velocity from Geneva to Italy as faster than Einstein's speed limit -- "Really, very damn fast," says CERN director Rolph Dieter-Heuer.

"I told you so," says Eriditato, adding that each can of Pepsi powered by a faster-than-light particle has only a 6.42*10^-8 chance of ending the universe upon opening.

The group hopes the corporate partnership will allow further exploration of faster-than-light particles, with OPERA hot on the trail of a faster-than-faster-than-light neutrino. This second speedy particle, which showed up at OPERA *before* transmission from Geneva, may not have "traveled" in the traditional sense of the word at all -- instead, researchers propose that it popped out of existence in Geneva and then reanimated a split millisecond *earlier* in Geneva.

This new particle's cleft-apple shape and ability to defy that apparent laws of man and nature led to the particle's early nickname, the Kardashian.