"This truly is the choice of a new generation," says Pepsi CEO, Indra Nooyi.
The partnership comes on the heels of a difficult month for OPERA during which the faster-than-light particle made headlines, then appeared to be the product of loose fiber-optic cables connecting a GPS unit to a computer. The apparent gaff resulted in the resignation of the overseeing physicist, Antonio Eriditato. But after replacing the faulty fiber-optics with slightly undercooked capellini, Eriditato and OPERA were able to replicate the transmission sans error, confirming the particle's velocity from Geneva to Italy as faster than Einstein's speed limit -- "Really, very damn fast," says CERN director Rolph Dieter-Heuer.
"I told you so," says Eriditato, adding that each can of Pepsi powered by a faster-than-light particle has only a 6.42*10^-8 chance of ending the universe upon opening.
The group hopes the corporate partnership will allow further exploration of faster-than-light particles, with OPERA hot on the trail of a faster-than-faster-than-light neutrino. This second speedy particle, which showed up at OPERA *before* transmission from Geneva, may not have "traveled" in the traditional sense of the word at all -- instead, researchers propose that it popped out of existence in Geneva and then reanimated a split millisecond *earlier* in Geneva.
This new particle's cleft-apple shape and ability to defy that apparent laws of man and nature led to the particle's early nickname, the Kardashian.