According to a 2007 press release by the Consumer Product Safety Commission, every year 33.1 million people are injured by consumer products in the home. No one is safe and constant vigilance is required to avoid maiming and/or death (paraphrased). Here are the prime offenders:

1. Magnets: If a child eats your wedding ring, it will pass. If the same child eats both your wedding ring and a magnet, the two might attract through intestinal walls, creating a massive kink and making it very difficult to retrieve your ring.

2. Recalled Products: At, you can sign up for e-mail notification of recalled goods. With about 400 recalls a year, you can rest assured that your in-box will be a constant source of terror.

3. Tip-Overs: You likely already know that vending machines are deadlier than sharks. But did you know that tipping TV’s, ranges and other furniture account for more than ten times the annual deaths of even killer soft drink machines?

4. Windows&Coverings: The CPSC’s press release states that “Kids love to play around windows,” where they are at risk of strangulation and falling. While they suggest cutting looped cords, they fail to take into account children saved from falling out open windows by tenaciously gripping looped cords while awaiting the arrival of the fire department.

5. Pool & Spa Drains: Beware the frumious suction—a pool drain can hold you as surely as can a giant clam (featured horribly and unforgettably in the Chuck Palahniuk story Guts).

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