Recently, by looking the faith of many people, I thought I wish to have their conviction. I would like to experience the sense of the knowledge without evidence taking for sure what I´m telling to others, the reliability of a life after this, the calmness of a universe created only for my happiness by someone I can´t see, but I can feel. I can see how happy they are, how sure they are that what they know is true and everyone else who experiences something different or a different way of thinking, is wrong. I wish to have that felling, I wish to give meaning to my life by the only act of believe, but unfortunately I can´t.

When I think about a species like us, created by a being that looks alike, come to my mind all the concepts of phylogeny, that I teach to the young physicians at the medical school, and those that I use in my daily work. To hold up the creation of our species in evolutionary terms, decrease inside my self the feeling of self importance.

When I think about a conjunction of living creatures created only for us by a constructor, I think that we are seeing a very small percentage of all the living creatures existing in our world, and furthermore, of those that have existed in the millions of years previous to the human being emergence. I prefer to feel that I´m part of the life and not the most important part of the life.
When I think about the values important for some societies, like the moral and the proper behaviour, I don´t like to think that those concepts were something given to us by a creator expert in human conduct, and with human interest in the way we feel. I prefer to think in terms of evolutive sociobiology and the cultural evolution of the living creatures since the species that preceded us until our current time.

When I think that meditative states are the way to obtain knowledge or the way to be in contact with some other dimensions, I prefer to think in neurochemistry terms. According my neurochemistry given by genetics, and my practice, I can experience anything I like, without the use of external drugs.

When I think that I can live a life after this one as a bodiless spirit, keeping with my way of feel, I ask my self how the spirit that I will become will be able to have my anatomy, my physiology, my genetics, my neurochemistry, my age, my culture and still suporting my memories and my way of think without any material support. I can´t even imagine when I see the lost of memories that accompany the aging.

When I think about good behavior, benevolence, virtue, and help to others I think about motivations; I do prefer to know that those motivations (many times selfish) are printed in my genome, and that I can experience them as many times as I want without the need to obtain a reward in a life (or lifes) after this one, corporeal or not corporeal.

When I think of some spiritual guides and the massive effect that they have over people, I prefer to think in terms of  the social needs and the acceptation of rank that characterize to many species of living creatures, including us.

When I think that true will come to me by revelation and not by education I prefer to think that many associations of our thoughts become after or during the rest period according to a neural activity modulation. I like also to think that knowledge should be obtained through the study.
When I think that what we feel is true I go the the concept of sensory universe and understand that our species is unable to feel all the changes of energy that occur at the environment that surroud us; I also like to think that false sensations can be obtained through stimulation of the sensory cortex or by spontaneous activity of the temporal lobe.

When I think about happiness I think that it is not given to us by the obedience to some particular rules; I also believe that it is not print in our genes; is something that we have to search for, according the knowledge of our intrinsic nature, sometimes limited by the social agreement. Each one will know...

When I think about faith, love, trust, well-being sensations I like to think in terms of selfish genes and natural selection. The understanding of those concepts probably makes me enjoy much more those sensations.

But when I really get terrified is when I think about the permissive effect that my religious conviction has over my acts and the disqualification that I´m able to do, in the name of faith, of what others may think...

So, at the end, I do prefer to know that many people has give their live performing investigations with the objective to discover the laws of nature that govern us, that this knowledge is to share between us, to be use in benefit of the living beings and the inorganic chemistry that support life, that we can aspire only to become a echelon in the long chain of knowledge, and that even I can have a global view of my self and my universe through the sciences of physics and biology, I must have the humility to know that I will die with many doubts; I can die with the tranquility that no one is waiting for me because there is no body there and there will be no "me" anymore, and I was far away of the exaggerated feelings of self importance that gives the idea of knowing, in particular without a proof.

But I can´t deny to you, that I would wish to have faith because of the only reason of living the experience and know how does it feel.