Afraid of flying? Maybe there is something to that. Dogs? Okay. But fear of buttons? Puh-leeeze. The phobia business - legitimizing irrational quirks - has become Big Business and life change consultant Mark O'Donoghue of Purple Smarties in Stoke-on-Trent is ready to believe you.
In all, he has helped 99 people since he set up his business in 2008, he says. It isn't just your fear of buttons he can fix, he has also helped with more mainstream things like helping fat people eat fewer pizzas and helping dumb people smoke fewer cigarettes.
O'Donoghue blames the economy for more phobias; let's see if that makes its way into a Romney attack ad, since Obama's SuperPAC says voting for Romney will cause cancer.
If you are local, Mark is offering a free phobia removal to the 100th person who contacts him and signs up to get help for another phobia they also have. I guess you should have more than one, to take advantage of the Buy One Get One Free deal.
If you are stumped, here are some phobias you may consider acquiring. Or just make up one of your own by taking the name of a critter or color and sticking 'phobia' on the end of it:
Arithmophobia: Fear of numbers. A lot of fine arts majors and 'creative' people claim that one.
Xanthophobia: Fear of the color yellow. Green Lantern has that one.
Phronemophobia: Fear of thinking. Anyone who has read this far and thinks they may have one of these phobias ironically does - this one.
Neophobia: Fear of anything new. Also the term for anyone worried there will be another Matrix movie.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words. Sorry if I scared you just now.