Let’s write a letter to Donald Trump. Trigger warning: Lots of sarcasm here.

Not-so-dear Don,

Well, Don, those “sh**hole” countries are not “eating” the tariffs as you expected them to. No, they are selling to China instead, at the usual prices, and China loves it. Africa, East Asia, Latin America, they all understand that if American consumers can’t afford their goods, the Chinese can.

The new trade patterns, whaddya know, require transport infrastructure. China’s Belt and Road, which we both thought was a megalomaniac delusion, now appears eminently sensible. And profitable. Thanks to you.

Don, do you understand that by choking off American science you’ve handed China supremacy in AI, in quantum, in alternative energy, and all the commercial advantages those technologies will generate? Not to mention that China is catching up in semiconductor design and manufacture, and will do so even faster as you back-pedal on Chips Act grants to the likes of Intel. And as your approval of Nvidia exports to China confirms that money trumps national security.

And how much more slowly do you expect this crippled flow of American technology to trickle into U.S. military ware? No, don’t answer that, I know you haven’t thought about it for so much as a moment.

I bet you’re wondering what this has to do with Taiwan.

If China’s Mr. Xi thinks invading Taiwan will give him a PR boost with the Chinese public, well, that would be teensy-tiny, compared to the PR boost he’s getting with newly expanded world trade, undisputed scientific supremacy, and fast-growing wealth in China. Sure beats an expensive hassle blockading and occupying Taiwan!

And if Xi wanted a cross-strait operation just to demonstrate Chinese naval superiority, well, he doesn’t need a demonstration. The whole world knows that if he doesn’t have a technologically superior navy right now, he will real soon.

So he no longer has to invade Taiwan! Chinese pride is served by economically and technologically conquering the rest of the world, instead.

I gotta hand it to you, Don. You’ve done a “perfect” job of protecting Taiwan.

Sincerely,

America