We are fortune here at Science20 to have come across an early work by Gaston Leroux. This manuscript was dated to 1899, suggesting it was an early, discarded draft of the work that later came to be known as "The Phantom of the Opera". Current speculation is Gaston changed the setting at the beheast of his editor. Here, then, is the unabridged transcript of that early draft. It is set in the historic 1899 Paris Academie des Sciences, and begins with the arrival of two new managers to this prosperous yet troubled place.
[Secretary] "Welcome, new Branch Heads, to our Paris Laboratory! We owe our success to Professor Carlotta, though we do have a new post-doc named Christine Daei. Good luck with the upcoming grant season!"
[Managers] "Ho ho ho, we have heard this lab is haunted by a Phantom, but we know that's not scientific."
[Lab manager , mysteriously] "You would do well to heed the rumors. The Phantom is real!"
[Managers] "Prove it!"
[Lab manager] "Here's his list of requests, plus receipts from his per diem."
[Managers] "Oh."
[Prof. Carlotta] "I look forward to being PI for the next grant!"
[Managers] "And we look forward to your success! Cheers!"
(from the dark, the voice of the Phantom rings out)
[Phantom] "Fools! Dr. Daae should be PI! Ignore my requests at your peril!"
[Managers] "Never. Prof. Carlotta is the star!"
[Chandelier crashes down, destroying much lab equipment]
[Managers] "Err... on second thought, let's go with the post-doc."
[Dr. Christine Daie] "Woo! Everything my Angel of Funding taught me is true!"
[Carlotta] "Harumph."
[Visiting CEO Raoul] "Wait, is that my old high school crush, now a scientist? How cute. I think I'll recruit her. Hey, Chrissy-babe, remember me? Want a well-paying job at my company?"
[Daae] "So many offers!"
[Phantom] "Fool! I'm offering you salary and research independence! All you have to do, is do whatever I tell you!"
[Raoul] "But Christine, I offer you freedom, as long as you do whatever I tell you!"
[Managers] "No, you must stay and do our grants!"
[Daae] "I need to check with my Angel of Funding!"
[Phantom] "That's me. I dreamed of being a researcher, but with only a fine arts degree, I was ostracized and cast out. With you, I will finally prove my theories are worth funding!"
[Daae] "Wait, I thought you said you'd ensure I'd have funding?"
[Phantom] "Well, it's soft money. But I'm sure we'll get it."
[Raoul] "Christine! My offer of a corporate sector position still stands! It's mostly administrative, but you'll have a window office!"
[Phantom] "Never! I've decided to kidnap her..."
[Managers] "But the grant is due in 15 days!"
[Phantom, continuing] "... to do the greatest experiment ever!"
[Raoul] "Never!"
[Phantom] "Too late, she is mine!"
[Raoul] "No, she is mine!"
[Phantom] "Mine!"
[Raoul] "Mine!"
(the manuscript goes on with 3 pages of this exchange, which we shall omit for brevity's sake.)
[Managers] "Christine, it's decided, you will be PI for a grant, with the Phantom as Co-I. Carlotta can wait until next year."
[Carlotta] "Screw this, I'm going off to industry."
[Daae] "Can I join you? I think we can get seed money from the SBA as a woman-owned business."
(Carlotta and Daae walk off. Phantom appears, looking puzzled. Raoul looks at him hesitantly.]
[Managers] "Err... either of you two gents know how to write grants?"
* fin *
The Phantom Of The Laboratory
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