Excuse me. What is this? I have been your friend and advocate for years. No, DECADES. (Two, to be specific.) I have championed your cause to family and friends, students and total strangers. I wore the shirts. I read the books. I even got a PEE AITCH DEE in the science of baby squid. I think I've earned a modicum of consideration. A smidgeon of thoughtfulness.
But no. I go on maternity leave to care for my firstborn and what do you do? Everything.
In the three months since my daughter's birth, this is what you've pulled: Humboldt squid stranding. Market squid boom. Humboldt squid re-invasion. Giant squid video (finally). Deep-sea squid sex. Giant squid specimen. Flying squid (again).
Well . . . now that I think about it, I wonder if I'm reading it wrong. Is all this excitement really a cry for attention? Maybe you're trying to tell me how much you miss me. How much you need me. If that's the case, squid, then I'm all ears.
But there's someone new in my life, and she needs all my help to get through the paralarval stage in her development. I know your philosophy is "live fast and die young," but if you can take the long-term view for just a minute, you'll realize that I'm actually doing you a favor by cultivating the next generation of cephalopodiatrist.