When I wrote Halloween Science 2.0, I wanted to get it down to a brisk 150 pages, which means taking a chainsaw to a lot of the material I had.(1)

Like the woman who left her corporeal significant other to become a ghost groupie. Amethyst Realm, that is not her Dungeons&Dragons name, she calls herself that for real, cheated on her totally organic fiancé with a ghost but she suggested it was kind of his fault. He moved them into a haunted house.

She liked spectral sex so much that after he made her end the affair, she couldn't resist spooky lovin' and went on to have sex with 20 more. Psychotherapists tried to dismiss her claims but other agents of the supernatural noted that women were always harder on other women than men were. Though perhaps not when it came to male ghosts.

Her libertine ways continued until she met The One she wanted to conceive a ghost baby with, via Australia. She knew he was The One because he was willing to leave Australia with her. He surprised her on the plane ride back where she joined The Mile High Club thanks to her ethereal beau. Months later, at Wookey Hole caves in Somerset, he proposed.

"There was no going down on one knee — he doesn’t have knees! But for the first time, I heard him speak ... I could actually hear his voice and it was beautiful. Deep, sexy and real.”

As you might guess, they didn't want the mortal plane to limit their love, so they planned a Pagan “handfasting” ceremony, in which their hands are tied.

She was certain it (she doesn't think gender is a thing in ghosts) was is the one because a Medium told her they had been together in three past lives.

Why she settled for a Medium is unclear.


Credit: Hank Campbell, who would only date a ghost that loves dad jokes.

Also, it was not to be. The ghost, who she eventually called Ray so we lesser-planed types could understand better, started to run with a bad crowd so she ended it. 

Yet he was not having it. He began to haunt her. 



Then she had to get Ray exorcised, though she doesn't use that term because I am pretty sure Catholics are still banned in England, she said she had her house cleansed. 

I reached out to her to see if she is still single. I don't really want to date anyone, and she is not age appropriate, unless it is a great story. She would be exceptional and therefore exempt from all rules. I would promise to ghost her after the holidays, but I am a total Casper, so it would be amicable.

NOTE:

(1) It didn't work. It is still a science book so it needs citations, and I wrote it in that dumb default Word font they are trying to make a thing...



...and when it was changed to Times New Roman 12 with margins for publication, it got much longer.