Heil Hitler Screaming Nazi: Heil Hitler! Great News Everybody!
Stupid Donald Trump Follower: Hey, I told you not to do that. The walls have ears.
Heil Hitler Screaming Nazi: People need to hear me so that your nonsense is accepted as the new middle. Shifting the Overton window – this is how we did it all.
Stupid Donald Trump Follower: Look, he is not even inaugurated yet. Let’s be careful. You can be openly my friend or you can be open about reality, but one of them has to be still secret.
Heil Hitler Screaming Nazi: That’s returning to the same talk you spewed last year. Where would The Donald be now if we had been quiet? Look, what if my methods bring Lovely Liberal Lisa back into your office, your secret crush “Lisa Long Leg”, you little pervert?
Stupid Donald Trump Follower: Don’t you dare mention her. You messed that one up for good. She will never look at me again.
Heil Hitler Screaming Nazi: What if I brought her back to you? Tell me?
Stupid Donald Trump Follower: Then I am going to scream “Heil Hitler” like an idiot, what about that?
Heil Hitler Screaming Nazi: I take it. Lisa, come in.
Lovely Liberal Lisa: Hey there stupid Donald Trump follower. Surprise! And I am really sorry by the way.
Stupid Donald Trump Follower: What the hell? Lisa? In a MAGA hat? Is 2016 never finished? And you, you darn Heil Hitler Sreaming Nazi, what kind of joke are you playing now again? Why is everything some trolling with you? Everything is some set up.
Heil Hitler Screaming Nazi: We trolls now! Trolling is the last bastion of free speech. Hey, Lisa, did you hear our good friend the stupid Trump follower? He promised to scream “Heil Hitler” if I get you back here.
Stupid Donald Trump Follower: Damn. No I won’t! Now tell me what happened you two!
Lovely Liberal Lisa: The night after I ran out of your office, I went to cry and drink with my liberal friends. They all shun me now! I got so drunk, and then I blurted out that I am angry also because I have nothing to say in return, that I wish I would be as smart as your secret friend here.
Stupid Donald Trump Follower: Ah – I cried those tears myself before. And then? How did you two even meet again?
Lovely Liberal Lisa: Then I asked all my super smart liberal friends on FB and everywhere. I posted your graph and asked what to do. And then there was no answer, not even on that science website! But half of my so called friends blocked me and the others were like “how come you mingle with racists?” It took three days and my colleagues in the sociology department started avoiding me! I lost my tenure for sure. 2016 is a nightmare, and that was the worst week ever.
Heil Hitler Screaming Nazi: Yeah, you looked bad when I found you drunk behind the campus chapel. That is my secret place where I go to meditate, nice and quiet, but the place is magic. It attracts souls in transition.
Stupid Donald Trump Follower: It is where we first met. And then you worked your own magic.
Heil Hitler Screaming Nazi: I told you, did I not, you should grab her by the ...
Stupid Donald Trump Follower: No! Stop it. I am sorry Lisa.
Lovely Liberal Lisa: No no, it is ok, it was me. We were talking about everything that day, about you and Trump and all of that. And in the end I fell into his arms and whispered “please grab me by the ...”
Stupid Donald Trump Follower: Oh No! For crying out loud! It’s always the same with you damn Heil Hitler Screaming Nazi. You say you do something for me, for Trump, but then you take it yourself. Bringing Lisa back into my office - ha – you took her of course.
Heil Hitler Screaming Nazi: Gotta grab opportunity by the ...
Stupid Donald Trump Follower: No! I don’t want to go there. And I do not believe you Lisa. You cannot just become a Trump follower over night.
Lovely Liberal Lisa: But I did not change. I was always driven by love for the unfortunate and of course by the desire to fit in with the cool crowd, while especially as a woman, I also strongly desire to not really stand out, to be with the majority. I understand now what sacrifices mature love for the unfortunate demands. We have to give up our pride and admit that we are deceived and in denial. Now I am proud, I was able to take these steps. And the majority was actually not even on my side – now it is. Now I am with the cool crowd. With the frog. With you two. With the Zen master. Let The Donald Trump!
Stupid Donald Trump Follower: He worked his magic alright. That is how he does it. Making us feel that in our hearts, we agreed all along. I wasn’t a Trump follower either, you know.
Heil Hitler Screaming Nazi: He he, I never was! Hey, you know why the MAGA hat is red?
Stupid Donald Trump Follower: The GOP’s color. Perhaps Trump thought he can attract some commies feeling the Bern into his anti-establishment camp.
Heil Hitler Screaming Nazi: No no. You need to turn the MAGA hat inside out, in order to see what is really on the inside, you see?
Stupid Donald Trump Follower: Oh my god! When did you put this into my MAGA hat?
Lovely Liberal Lisa: Oh no – mine has it too. A white disk with a black swastika - that goes too far!
Heil Hitler Screaming Nazi: Ha ha – we trolls now. I sell them on my webpage; just the white disk with the cross. Sells like hotcakes – people are sticking it into MAGA hats and fedoras. It’s what’s on the inside that counts!
Stupid Donald Trump Follower: You are deplorable. I can’t even take it out. It’s some sort of super glue.
Heil Hitler Screaming Nazi: You cannot take the swastika out of the MAGA hat!
Stupid Donald Trump Follower: Shut up! I had it with you for today. This is a science department. I cannot have these shenanigans going on. And with Lisa on the right side now, this story is finished already. Was anyway too misogynist even for me – two cool dudes and the only women a hysterical libtard – we are all outcasts now – sciencey semi-intellectuals are the worst PC suckers, do you guys not know?
Lovely Liberal Lisa: Hey, calm down. I revert and flip-flop for two weeks at least once every month, so this story is never finished.
Heil Hitler Screaming Nazi: Surely there can be a single fun science series out there today where the women are not all super smart lab coat power grrrirls while the white males are all just bumbling sex addicts. Just one story closer to reality for the Trump age please?
Lovely Liberal Lisa: Moreover, I came to discuss some more mathematics!
Heil Hitler Screaming Nazi: Now that Lisa is convinced that modeling with normal distributions illuminates many important social issues, she wants to use it in her research on maximizing workforce prowess.
Stupid Donald Trump Follower: My MAGA hat - it will always be special to me! I had more than enough for today. Since you are so damn smart, you collaborate with Lisa. You always know better anyway.
Lovely Liberal Lisa: That is not fair. He speaks very highly of you. He has the big picture, but you have the math skills. You are the smart one here. We both need you!
Heil Hitler Screaming Nazi: Yes. Come on. I still don’t know how much the contribution of ‘Regression to the Mean’ is. Maybe it is Affirmative Action like you said. I am still not confident integrating Bell curves.
Lovely Liberal Lisa: I need rank ordering from two Bell curves, one male, one for females. A mathematician so sensitive about women issues - you must help me! Let’s meet again next week!
Ahhh – that went much better than last time, didn’t it? Lovely Liberal Lisa Long Leg is right – the simple question about ‘Affirmative Action versus Racist Regression’ was put on a science webpage, but still, not a single of the many smart readers had any answers. How can such be? (Easy: Since supporting Trump, comments here have simply been disabled - ha ha ha.)
And here is the next installment in the Lovely Liberal Lisa Long Leg Line.