Believe it or not, I’m rarely accused of being a romantic. I know, I know — baffling! And this even after I brought home Thai food for our anniversary.

Okay, I forgot the anniversary. But a couple days later when I brought home Thai food, boy was my wife surprised! Okay, okay, I didn’t actually *bring home* Thai food, because, you know, I was walking home from the park with the kids in the double stroller and by the time I got home it would’ve been cold…yadda, yadda, yadda.

The point is this: it’s the thought that counts, even if that thought is two days late, and not, in fact, acted upon...or really even articulated. Just imagine how nice it would’ve been to have surprise Thai food for our anniversary! Now THAT’S romance.

And to make sure it never happens again, I decided to write optimal romantic performance in the language of math so that I’m not saddled with any future romantic questions that I’ll almost certainly screw up. Simply, I let the app do it for me.

Questions include (but are not limited to) “How much should I spend on Valentine’s Day gifts?” and “Should I apologize?” and “Which Valentine’s Day date offer should I accept?” and "Do you have a snowball's chance in hell with him/her?"

Anything’s better than leaving these questions to my romantically-challenged brain. Now I don’t have to.

To get a Flava-Flav, Here's a link to last year's math-ish V-Day post, the Valentine's Day  Man-o-Meter.

Disclaimer: I get such a measly pittance of the proceeds from this app that the conversion factor is 1000downloads/1PanangCurry. Sorry for the self-promotion, but it's kinda a fun app. Here's the app link.

Twitter: @garthsundem