6. Some people can't accept that humans are smarter than animals. This panda accidentally crushed one of the twins she birthed. Which isn't all that smart, since she didn't even implicate the butler.

Want to impress me, zookeepers? Teach pandas to imprison siblings they don't like behind an iron mask, like humans do.

5. There's some confusion about Evolution. Americans are skeptics by nature. A study shows America is just above Turkey in percentage of people who don't believe we evolved from fish. Evolution types don't do themselves any favors by trying to convince people biology doesn't require proof - which sounds a lot like religion to non-biologists.

Want to impress me, biologists? Convince me Angelina Jolie evolved her nose.

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I think her nose is made of plastic and some kind of cement-like goop. Knowing what it is made of does not invalidate the existence of her plastic surgeon, if you catch my drift.

4. We have spent billions of dollars on The War On Fun ... errr, I mean The War On Drugs ... yet baby boomers are still getting stoned all of the time. Why are baby boomers, the people now in charge of government, such hypocrites?

I don't even take aspirin but do you want to impress me, sociologists? Convince me that if I get random brain cancer I shouldn't spend my final months awash in an ocean of 8-balls and hookers.

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