, the dating community exclusively for good-looking people, is offering the chance to win a date with Joseph and the Virgin Mary - namely by spending a lot of money.  Well, not really the Virgin Mary, they don't want frogs raining on you or locusts infesting your kitchen this Christmas season. 

Instead, they are shamelessly whoring themselves, and willing attention-whore members, out in a vaguely disconcerting publicity stunt.  They convinced their members Heather and Dorion, who also appear as the parents of Jesus in their website's Nativity scene, to take one for the team and go on a date with whoever wins the auction, including *gasp*, an ugly person, should they be rich. 

Said Heather, "It was so fun to play Mary, and I couldn't have been happier to be part of it! It was beautiful and so well done too."  Well done, indeed, if the Virgin Mary was blonde and a Las Vegas ring girl.  I'm not trying to pick on Heather, she may think she is being a good sport, since the proceeds will benefit Christian Aid, a UK religious charity.(1)  I am not so sure it's a great idea. I get that sometimes the ends justify the means and Christian Aid is happy to have the money, but it doesn't seem like great outreach to raise money objectifying pretty people and demeaning religion in order to raise money to help poor people, whose lives are not so pretty at all. 

Sure, maybe they could be the parents of that Western European Jesus(1) but in actuality, science tells us the real Jesus probably looked like this:

Would God give two parents who looked like Heather and Dorion a kid who looked like that?  I bet that Old Testament one would.  He did not mess around. We'll know for sure when Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's kids grow up. Managing Director Greg Hodge is as cloying as you expect. "You don't have to be a member to have a chance of winning. The highest bids could come from people we'd never usually accept onto the site, but we believe that beauty should be a gift for everyone this Holiday season."

Here is who will get accepted into the Heaven envisioned by

Christmas at your local strip club. Why is the Virgin Mary kicking baby Jesus?  God only knows.

Dorion seems to recognize how ridiculous the whole thing is, though he doesn't seem to know what the word 'special' means: "I can't wait to see who wins. It's going to take a pretty special kind of girl to step up and date Jesus' step-dad."  Noooo, it takes any old person with money.

They were trying to do this through eBay but eBay was not having it and pulled it as soon as they found out about it, it seems.  I guess they don't allow escort services these days.

If you are still unconvinced this is ridiculous and don't mind having me make goat noises at you, you can go here to bid.  If you do, please post your picture and your bid amount in a comment. Should you choose to try and enroll as a member, though, be prepared for disappointment - the French, Brazilians and Americans have the most success getting into the site, but Brits, Poles and Germans have the highest amount of rejections. Maybe those folks should lie about where they are from.


(1) And for a site highlighting beautiful people, couldn't they find an actual religious hot girl to play a virgin? 

(2) Too many pictures really messes with the flow of an article but here you go:

If he was a Jew 2,000 years ago, I am a Chinese jet pilot.