Here's how I roll: my wife loves three-dollar bagels from the Sunday farmers' market. And so she says, "let's get a loaf of bread, some flowers, and a flat of strawberries!" When we roll home with only bagels, I feel I've won. No more. I've armed myself with the tools of illogic, thus guaranteeing I win every marital argument from this point forward.
You can too. Use the following brain-deflating fallacies to ensure dominance in debate club and/or with unsuspecting significant other.
• False Dilemma: There may be other options…—"Either you admit that you ate the ice cream, or you admit once and for all that you've been spiriting away jamocha almond fudge to a secret freezer in the basement."
• Golden Mean Fallacy: The truth is found in compromise—"Okay, okay, let's just admit that we're both wrong."
• Mistaking Logic for Truth: The argument is logical, only, the premises might not be—"If I bogarted the very last of the jamocha almond fudge, I would have at least one almond stuck in my teeth. I have no such almond(s). Thus am I exonerated!"
• Naturalistic Fallacy: Making a moral judgment based only on a statement of fact—"I bought the ice cream in the first place. Thus, it's only right that I eat the last of it."
• Nomical Fallacy: Naming is explaining—"You see, I'm thermophobic and thus must seek sugary, icy-cold desserts."
More importantly what kind of geek are you? If input="math geek", goto your nearest bookstore and purchase a copy of Geek Logik: 50 Foolproof Equations for Everyday Life. If you're a full featured, renaissance geek of all trades looking for a good time at others' expense, consider a copy of The Geeks' Guide to World Domination: Be Afraid Beautiful People. And if you're a geek of the mind, consider preordering a copy of my new book, Brain Candy: Science, Paradoxes, Puzzles, Logic and Illogic to Nourish Your Neurons (shipping August 3rd).
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