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    The Mens Guide To Dating Geek Girls V 1.0
    By Cash Simpson | January 31st 2007 02:00 AM | 52 comments | Print | E-mail | Track Comments

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    Let's face it, sometimes we get tired of dating models. Sure, they clean up well but it gets annoying having to tell her she's beautiful a hundred times a day and the cocaine bill gets expensive. You might think you have no hope of getting an attractive low-maintenance geek girl and I am inclined to agree ( that you can't anyway ) but I would rather light a candle than curse your darkness, so here are my tips to try and help. I present to you Version 1.0 of The Mens Guide To Dating A Geek Girl.


    Getting Your First Geek Girl


    So you've seen a geek girl. She's got the Tina Fey glasses on and the hair is thrown up in a mess, she's wearing clothes just frumpy enough you can't tell what kind of body she has. Trust me, my friends, if she's like any geek girl I have ever known, she has a better body than Eva Longoria. She just doesn't need to flaunt it because Pete Yorn would never date Eva Longoria anyway. Now you just have to talk to her.


    1. Be direct.

    No matter what she looks like, geek girls are no different than geek guys. She will likely seem a little aloof, maybe even defensive. She is just baffled that you can't see inside her to the geek she is and wonders if this is a prank.

    2. Open with something memorable.
    "No way a hot girl like you has such mad skillz," is worth a shot.

    Alternate: "If I ever get to redesign keyboards I will put U and I together." She will likely respond that they actually are already together on keyboards, which means you let her be smarter than you and she will find your clumsy pick-up attempt charming. Nicely done.

    3. Ask which Yahoo chat room is her favorite.

    If the answer is anything other than "I don't go into Yahoo chat rooms" find a different geek girl. Geek girls don't hang out in Yahoo chat rooms so kick this twink to the curb. IRC is okay.

    4. Learn to play Half-Life.

    I know it's old. Chicks still play it. Science has no answer for that.

    5. Stevie "Killcreek" Case comparisons can never be wrong.

    Geek girls know their gaming history.

    6. Do not ask her if she prefers Python because it's a more "feminine" language.
    She probably does. But it's a bad idea to say it.

    The Geek Girl Relationship


    Some men want to be teachers. They like feeling worldly and prefer a companion who sits childlike and listens to their stories while wanting their women to have a history that would make the Virgin Mary feel promiscuous.

    If so, a geek girl is not for you.

    Geek girls, like geek guys, take a while to open up but, when they do, they are total hellcats. This is mostly because they are well-read and your geek girl trusts you and she thinks relationships should be fun but you, my friend, are not her first relationship. This does not make her a whore but it probably does mean you can call her one during sex without suffering physical harm.

    That said, to keep a geek girl truly happy you should also note the following:


    1. Figure out which Star Wars character you are.

    Let's face it, she wants either Han or Luke. If she wants one, and you are the other, exit the airlock quickly. You're not Don Quixote.

    Alternate: However, a well-timed "You truly belong here with us among the clouds" Lando Calrissian impression will enhance any geek relationship. If you happen to surprise her with that in front of her geek friends and they laugh, you are totally going to hit that.

    2. She had a life before she met you.

    Because she is a geek girl, she is on the internet. Trust me, if she is funny and smart, she has been propositioned online more than Marilyn Monroe at a Kennedy luncheon. She may keep a few dorks around who say nice things and pump up her ego, but it's okay to trust her. She's with the person she wants to be with.

    3. There is a significant chance she is smarter than you.
    She's not going to flaunt it but if you try to patronize her and her eyes narrow to slits that look like something Cylons fire laser beams out of, believe me, they will become slits firing Cylon laser beams if you don't stop your sentence and run quickly from the room, waving your arms and yelling "Danger, Wil Robinson! Danger!" or something else to make her laugh. Do it quickly. The downside to having a geek girl smarter than you is she has figured out your weaknesses and can make you cry.

    Keeping Your Geek Girl


    1. You still have to dress the part.

      A. Keep it simple. Just because she's a geek girl doesn't mean she will tolerate you wearing a Pokemon shirt with barbecue sauce on it from dinner three nights ago. Jeans that fit and a shirt are all you need for hanging out. You want to look like you haven't put any thought into it but make sure you have.

      B. Do not wear a sports jersey. Unless you are a player on the Pittsburgh Penguins.



    2. She wants you to respect her smarts but she has been told how intelligent she is all her life.

      A. She's still a woman. If you don't think she's sexy, why are you hanging out with her? Switching this on and off is key. Getting all neanderthal when she's up to her eyeballs in Python is a bad idea. But occasionally grabbing her by a belt loop as she walks by and pulling her into your lap for a quick kiss on the neck is going to pay geek dividends later.

      B. Do not tell her she's cute. 7 out of 10 geek girls are cute - and they are sick of hearing it. Sometimes they want to be beautiful, exotic or drop-dead gorgeous. She owns a little black dress for a reason, my friend, and that reason is because it does not radiate 'cute.'



    3. Sometimes you should treat her like she's a guy.
    Jumping up to take a box away from her is likely to get you a snippy comment such as "Thanks, but I've been genetically engineered to lift things that weigh five pounds." If she is carrying a refrigerator, use your judgment. Opening doors is always okay.

    In Conclusion


    I hope this small effort on the part of science to add to your geek seduction repertoire finds you in a happy place with a geek girl in 1/nth time it took me to learn this sage wisdom the hard way. This list is by no means comprehensive. Should you feel I have omitted any key strategies. let me know for Version 2.0. And geek girls, if you have any advice, try and help the fellas out.

    Comments

    There is truth in there for dating any girl, whether they are geeks or not.

    I think that "3. Sometimes you should treat her like she's a guy." is a good point.

    Cash
    I discourage you from punching her in the arm or pinning her down and farting on her, however. I mean you should talk to her like she's a guy.

    Body noises might be going too far.

    Geek Girl
    Finally people are starting to realize that geek girls are special. That is why we now have geek dating web sites which cater for the geeks and nerds of this world. Go Geeks!

    Geek girls rule. There's no doubt about that.

    I'm thoroughly disconcerted that this was written by a guy... Stunningly accurate from my humble experience. Good job!

    Though what is actually playing in my mind is: "Oh no, they're on to us* [high-tailing it out of here...]"

    *and by "us" I mean I'm delighted that seeing as you describe the specimen so well that there must be n>1 of "us". Even if we tolerate each other badly.

    Becky Jungbauer
    I may or may not have emailed this article to every person I know. I think you should copyright this before someone (like me) steals it.
    Becky Jungbauer

    Also: I have been informed by one knowledgeable in the ways of the world that there is a difference between a geek girl and a dork girl. Apparently I am the latter, says the boyfriend; the former is "a computer or nerdy girl who spends too much time gaming or online."

    And with that confusion cleared up, here is a dork girl's boyfriend's guide to dating a dork girl, with my comments interspersed.

    Keeping and landing a dork girl, Version 1.61803399

    1. Be a man part 1 - fix things. You may be a geek/dork and enjoy nerdy things but don't break down crying when something needs to be fixed. You are a man and have opposable thumbs for a reason - now use them to lift a screwdriver or hammer once in a while. Just make an effort, she will appreciate it.

    Agreed. I am quite capable of repairing various household items and even have my own toolbox (not my boyfriend, an actual toolbox) but it is nice to have someone else config the dishwasher once in a while.

    2. Be a man part 2 - try to be a somewhat masculine. Believe it or not, even geek/dork women like masculine men. Nobody is saying that you have to be a moron gym rat but make an effort to get into some kind of non-oval shape. Walk farther than from the couch to the fridge and lift more than a laptop once in a while. Not reaching for an inhaler after eating will pay off.

    Two for two. See "Keeping Your Geek Girl" part 2(a) in the article above. Just because we are dorks/geeks doesn't mean we don't appreciate a fine hunk of man meat.

    3. Just face it - she is probably smarter than you. If she is, deal with it and be lucky enough to have an intelligent and worldly conversation once in a while. Talking about makeup or the latest STD starlet on MTV with a model type airhead chick gets really old really fast, trust me.

    I will have to ask Boyfriend about why he knows so much about this situation.

    4. Wear clean, simple clothes. That's it - just clean, simple clothes that fit. Nothing fancy - just jeans and a t shirt will work fine, just not saggy shorts and cartoon t shirts everyday.

    I can barely match my own clothes, so this is an easy pass. But at least my clothes are clean, so yours better be too.

    5. Relax. Try not to hyperventilate and reach for your inhaler when approaching her and just be yourself. If she is truly a geek girl, shewill appreciate the cheesy science based pick up line like - "my favorite element is uranium because of U" or star wars - "how about along time starting now, in a bedroom not far, far away?" (Just an fyi - neither of those lines above will probably work but if she smiles and doesn't smack you, you are probably in so don't worry.)

    Sad but true. I am a sucker for science pick-up lines. This suggests (a) some level of IQ above a box of hair, (b) some self-confidence, or at least enough to use science as a come-on. For example: "I'm not being obtuse, but your acute girl." Or ""I wish I were a derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves." Perhaps you could try "Someone must have shot you with a phaser set on 'stunning.'" Really, the possibilities are asymptotic. (For more assistance, here is a top 10 list.)

    That being said, "Keeping Your Geek Girl" and "The Geek Girl Relationship" will work perfectly for any efforts made toward us dork girls. If you don't succeed, don't worry, we'll just make you cry.

    Hank
     For example: "I'm not being obtuse, but your acute girl." Or ""I wish I were a derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves

    "Oooh, your IQ is 145? I like 'em beautiful and dumb!"

    "By looking at you I can tell you're 36-25-36 which, by the way, are all perfect squares."

    100% success rate among test subjects.

    jtwitten
    "By looking at you I can tell you're 36-25-36 which, by the way, are all perfect squares."
    That only works because prime numbers (37-23-37) is unrealistic.  Any good geek prefers primes to squares.  And 36 isn't even the square of a prime.
    Becky Jungbauer
    Somebody beat us to cafepress for the geek shirt.
    Becky Jungbauer
    And the t-shirt hierarchy of nerd, geek and dork.
    Hank
    Those people are nowhere near as cool as we are.   Anyone who can find me a good graphic designer that can do all these great t-shirts I have in mind is totally getting a free sweatshirt.  And maybe a SB clock!
    Becky Jungbauer
    http://www.customink.com/

    They are here on the right coast, within easy driving distance if you need a go-fer.
    Hank
    They just sell shirts and you have to upload the design.   I do that at cafepress now but there are too many shirts for me to good designs so it will take an actual graphic person to handle that.
    I believe the hierarchy is Nerd then geek, then dork... the definitions are also wrong. Geeks are obsessive fans of stuff and Nerds are the masters in creating the stuff. I know too many geeks who are within the fandom realm of things but have no idea how to get to point a to point b, esp. in being behind the scenes of said stuff.

    Becky Jungbauer
    Not gonna lie, they would totally work on me.
    Stellare
    I concur with The Becky.
    Bente Lilja Bye is the author of Lilja - A bouquet of stories about the Earth
    jtwitten
    Unsurprising, considering that, according to reports:
    "I've been to Europe, but Amster-damn!"
    also worked on you.
    Becky Jungbauer
    Well played. I've been called out.
    jtwitten
    In the world of rigorous, scientific testing of pick-up lines, you are what we call a positive control.
    Becky Jungbauer
    Admitted with pride, as the Dread Pirate Roberts says. Although the placebos are at an unfair advantage - if they are too dumb to get it, they are automatically stratified into the placebo group. We'll have to find smart but boring people with no social skills to serve as negative controls. CPAs?
    Hank
    Aye carumba, what an excellent comment - and a spooky coincidence.   Check out the t-shirt I am wearing today, courtesy of Santa ... 

    jtwitten
    I was thinking that militant lesbians would be an ideal negative control, since the test is of guys using pick-up lines from girls (this entire article was written from a horrifyingly hetero-fascist point of view).   Due to international ethical standards for clinical trials, the current standard of care ("how you doin'?") must be used instead of a placebo.
    Becky Jungbauer
    Ah, a much better subject population. Well done. I do wonder if the standard of care varies based on geography, as health care does according to the Dartmouth Atlas. If that's the case, we may have to export Italians from Jersey, along with a metric tonne of velour track suits and meatball hoagies, and up the standard of care administration to those who may suffer from a dearth of unwelcome advances. In the Upper Midwest and Pacific Northwest, where people are normal, "how you doin'?" would be met with blank stares, followed by eyes averted and back turned. From my hetero-fascist point of view, a simple, "hey, what's up?" would suffice in that region. (Similarly, "How y'all doin?" in the South, and "Dude!" in surfer land.) We could be on to something big here.
    jtwitten
    In the Upper Midwest and Pacific Northwest, where people are normal, "how you doin'?" would be met with blank stares
    I think Joey from Friends contributed a lot to homogenizing the recognition of "how you doin'?" across populations in the United States.
    Becky Jungbauer
    He did, which is how I know what it is, and can hear the inflection in my head. But that doesn't remove any of the creepiness!
    jtwitten
    As a prospective study, it would be best to restrict the testing to a single geographic area initially. 
    Becky Jungbauer
    Naturally. A relatively small n to start, comprising the three aforementioned trial arms. I suggest St. Louis, as I hear they have a rugby team there. And we all know what those guys are like.
    jtwitten
    And we all know what those guys are like.
    . . .that's profiling.  And profiling is wrong!
    Becky Jungbauer
    Small world: my dad's nickname was McTate, as in tater tot. And it ain't profiling if it's true!
    Becky Jungbauer
    No way!!! You are lucky you are on the left coast or I'd steal it off your back. And that is a spooky coincidence - Santa was supposed to bring me that shirt for Christmas but they didn't have my size - I am still sad, almost a month later! Well, what can you do - anybody want a peanut?
    Hmf! The only pick up line I used to get was: "wanna f*ck?". Note to all women: do not answer "hell, yeah!" Apparently this is the equivalent to the situation with a dog chasing a car and actually catching one. Anyway, I realized that the guy I managed to drag to the technical museum was my kind of guy when he started to describe the process of scraping fat off dead bodies.

    hmm... my (now) husband's actual pick-up line all those years ago was "what character do you play?". sigh.

    PS CPAs are smart? Boring, yes... but smart is a long shot. PhD students/grads maybe.

    Also, I always thought the heirarchy was*:
    Geek
    Nerd
    Dork
    (*note my bias in being a self-proclaimed (and regularly accused) geek)

    In the same way:
    Math
    Phys
    Chem/Bio

    but maybe it's actually:
    Math = Dork (theorists)
    Phys = Geek (experimentalists)
    Chem/Bio = Nerd (field workers (eg to Antartica))

    ??

    elena

    Becky Jungbauer
    Are you suggesting math is cooler than physics/chem/bio? I don't think you can separate math from the sciences, but for the sake of coolness, we'll say you can. According to this t-shirt - and if something is on a t-shirt, that means it's true - the following definitions apply:

    Geek: understands, creates and fixes really cool stuff.
    Nerd: understands and collects really cool stuff.
    Dork: confused by really cool stuff.

    Given the data, I'd concur with your assessments of which discipline fits with which definition.
    Hank
    In the same way:
    Math
    Phys
    Chem/Bio

    Oh, I knew it was on when I saw this but in hopes of avoiding a big blowup like the "T Rex ate coconuts" conflagration of 2007 I was going to let it go by quietly.   However, since you brought it more attention I need to point out that everyone knows it's Phys/Chem/Bio.   Math is just what Physicists create when they need to explain stuff to non-physicists.   

    There has only been one time a biologist beat a physicist and, as you can see, the circumstances were extraordinary.
    jtwitten
    I understand Michor's appeal, but if the hype is right, why are we still getting cancer?
    Hank
    You need to be patient.  Cancer is tricky, plus "the hot girl truck driver thing can only take you so far"
    Becky Jungbauer
    We biologists have to be extraordinary to best the physics world (everything else is just stamp collecting, right?). I took every radiation physics class offered in undergrad and loved it but found regular physics to be rather boring and bland. Then again, my professor - a Christian brother - demonstrated how a Geiger counter worked via his prostate cancer seed therapy. So radiation was way more fun than fulcrums and f=ma.
    Fossil Huntress

    Love the banter. And Becky, you are a geek girl. Top of the pecking order. Bit too cool for dork status if you ask me.

    Becky Jungbauer
    Aww...now that's a compliment if I ever saw one! :)
    Stellare
    Math and theoretical physics represent the highest order of abstraction and hence are a bit hard for some people. It is however science, Hank! I wish some economists realized that, too. I know some try to apply chaos theory (physics) in economics - and are being acknowledged for that. :-) Oh, I wander off...

    Back to business: Before you can do astrophysics you have to learn mathematics and physics. Both are fundamental in their own right and on equal hardness level.

    My list:

    Math/physics ( Geeks beyond saving. Ever)
    Chemistry (Explosion addicts or just junkies)
    Biology (Softies*, peace&love)

    (Scientific fields after this is too soft to even be mentioned. If you should go ahead and ask for trouble Hank, this is really what you should say. A lot more people will be pissed off :-))

    *Becky being an exception. She loved that radiation. That, and a couple of other features of hers qualify her as geek. :-)
    Bente Lilja Bye is the author of Lilja - A bouquet of stories about the Earth
    Becky Jungbauer
    Yes! I do love being a square peg in a field of circular holes. :)
    You guys are mentioning math/chem/bio and physics but not computer science? c'mon now.

    network engineering isnt easy...

    Hank
    I think too many non-geeks claiming knowledge in that field damage the credibility.   As a CS person, how many times have you seen someone who did their parents' HTML home page claim they know how to program?    Likewise, plugging an ethernet cable into a router qualifies some to say they know networks - casual claims of expertise are the geek cred kiss of death.   

    No one casually claims to be an expert in condensed matter physics, though.
    The same can be said about the other fields.. alot of people think just because they have watched a Neogeo show or a show on Discovery they know how the universe works. Or because they were in AP Physics in High School.

    Hank
    You'll note the only person pictured in the article above was a networking geek; so really it is science that is having to get some respect around here.
    This is real funny stuff you write my friend!
    Pleased to have stumbled onto this thread first thing this morning. Really needed to laugh today. Thank you all! If you'll have me I'll come back later and register. Seems like an interesting site.

    I Am Actually not a geek; but an athlete with an intellectual side. I Love Geek Girls.They are Like My achillies heel. I Am a Combat Infantry Veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom and A Wrestler; but I pride Myself on my intelligence; though I Am by Nomeans a geek. I Am In The Hard, Cold Alpha Male who doesn't get attached to women, let alone fall for them... However. I Am Head overHeels In Love with The Most Beautiful and Incredible woman Ihave ever encountered in My life. You guessed it: She is A Geek; and Shebarely knows I exist. We are friends; but Shedoesn't really know Me. It's almost like She is prejudging Me based on our differentbackgrounds, i.e.: I am a Wrestler/Mixed Martial Artist Who is Passionately into UFC; She is a Band geek (Clarinet and spent some time in "Pit") We actually Do share Many of the same interests (Music, Poetry, History, Philosophy); but it's like our differences scare her away. What can I do? I don't know if you, being geeks can understand the Heart of A Warrior, The Passion which Burns within Me that Possesses Me to NEVER give up, to Never surrender; but as A Man to other Men/Women. Is there anything else I can do, in addition to the advise above mentioned? Much Obliged. Sincerely, Johann.

    Hfarmer
    Which Yahoo chat room.  FAIL right there.  Yahoo is sooo 1995-2000. 
    Other wise the article is amusing :-)
    Science advances as much by mistakes as by plans.
    As a geeky girl who spends a lot of time online, I have to tell you that we actually do like our guys to have at least a mediocre level of intelligence and those pick-up lines will seriously not cut it.

    Also, "Danger Will Robinson?" o.0

    My fav is "4. Learn to play Half-Life. I know it's old. Chicks still play it. Science has no answer for that." Also try and design your own t-shirt, that is super geeky.