Caution: No redeeming scientific value. That said, this post might save your life. It will certainly enrich it.

On March 30, 1999, the hunky Italian supermodel was hit in the face by a goose while riding the Apollo’s Chariot roller coaster in Busch Gardens, Williamsburg, VA. Fabio was rushed to the emergency room at Williamsburg Community Hospital and later claimed his survival was “a miracle.” It took one stitch to close the cut on his nose. The goose was killed. You can still find the video online.

On November 7, 2007, Fabio was dining at a Los Angeles eatery with five female guests who had donated to the California Highway Patrol Foundation to earn the pleasure of his company. One of his guests snapped a picture of George Clooney, who was sitting nearby. Clooney was irritated and when Fabio approached Clooney’s table to explain, the two sex symbols came almost to blows and had to be physically separated. Fabio said of the incident, “I just feel badly that it ruined the night of these women who paid to support charity. I am thinking of something to make it up to them.”

In addition to penning the modern classics Champion, Rogue, Pirate and more, Fabio recorded an album titled Fabio After Dark on which he waxes poetic about life and love over a background of what can only be described as porn music (offering evidence that Edison as surely as Einstein has doomed the human species). If you further investigate only one thing ever listed on this blog, please, please make it this—you can find a copy of the album online. You will be a better person for it.

After learning that object-of-competition Larissa had dated Fabio, Gil Hyatt of Average Joe 2: Hawaii left the show, claiming that “every guy would understand.”

Fabio is a spokesman for I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!

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