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    Five Ways To Get Your Wife To Have More Sex (With You)
    By Becky Jungbauer | August 20th 2010 07:33 PM | 14 comments | Print | E-mail | Track Comments
    About Becky

    A scientist and journalist by training, I enjoy all things science, especially science-related humor. My column title is a throwback to Jane

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    I needed a good laugh this morning, so a tip of the hat to Fox News for the welcome relief. On the Google News homepage, I saw this humdinger of a headline:

    "Fox on Sex: 5 Ways to Get Your Wife to Have More Sex With You"

    I don't know about you but when I think about how to increase my frequency of making the beast with two backs, I think Fox News.1 Good thing they came through.

    A "sexologist" named Logan Levkoff, Ph.D. (and Logan is a female, BTW) advises the following:
    OK guys, stop all your whining and complaining for a second and listen up: If you want more sex from your wives, you have to grow up and recognize that people change, relationships change, and your sex life doesn't stay the same.
    I'm sure that admonishing them right off the bat will do wonders for their listening skills. And they deeply desire to grow up - that's why they buy shiny red sports cars and ogle younger women - so again, you hit the nail on the head. I love the photo with the article - the caption says it is Logan Levkoff, and her expression is awesome - she looks like she's giving you that, "Are you f*%$#@ kidding me, you want to have sex? How about you leave me alone" look.

    Anyway, Levkoff continues with sage advice that any man would happily embrace -

    1. Snuggle, don't grope.
    2. Don't treat us like porn stars.
    3. Do unto others.
    4. Give us space.
    5. Talk - and listen.

    She discusses each item in more detail, and although I jest about the article she actually does make some good points. But they're from a woman's perspective, not a guy's. Which is the point, I suppose, but I don't think the light bulb will go on - "Ohhh, so I shouldn't grope my wife while she's unloading the dishwasher and knock her off balance while she's holding breakable glasses - yes, that makes perfect sense." No, it doesn't, or you wouldn't do it in the first place. Still, I got a good laugh out of it, and maybe a few husbands out there will get some more sex, so it's a win-win.

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    1 Actually, Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly are like a cold bucket of water on a fiery libido. <shiver>

    Comments

    Warren Davies
    Logan Levkoff walks into the secret underground male behaviour modification society HQ for an important meeting on 13/08/10.
    Levoff: OK people we all know why were here.  This is the biggy so let's get it right.  Our primary objective is to make males do more of the following: 1. Snuggle, don't grope. 2. Don't treat us like porn stars. 3. Do unto others. 4. Give us space. 5. Talk - and listen.  Any ideas?
    Board member 1: We could try giving them an incentive of some kind, pay them maybe?
    Board member 2: That won't work, we need to give them cars, fast cars!
    Shadow in corner, smoking a cigarette:  You fools!  It is sex they want!  Tell them it will get them more sex!  Agent Levkoff, use your media contacts to propagate this information.  I want it on Fox news in a week.
    Levkoff: Yes, number 1.




    Becky Jungbauer
    Ha! I sense a new comic in the making. :)
    Hank
    Science needs more funny people writing.  On some sites people are sooooo serious, always bleating about some new cultural political drama or another.   We're not saving lives writing about Fox News on the Internet so we're allowed to be funny.
    Becky Jungbauer
    We don't defame people, either. If you don't realize that others can read your words online and get their tail feathers ruffled, you're an idiot. Luckily, we're all about the scientific method and evidence, so we should be ok in our bleating. :)
    Hank
    Ordinarily, step #1 would be 'get her to read an article about how to have sex with you" but I am not sure that works with that advice.   Practical advice would be 'how to make your wife act more like a Wii - it turns on when you want" but noooooo ... anyone with a title like sexologist giving advice means wives will suspect a trap.

    And why, in this age of everyone recognizing that men are becoming less manly, even physically, is she trying to make men even more wussified?
    Becky Jungbauer
    I know!! Who wants a wussified man? Except maybe Ann Coulter, so she can bend them to her cold iron will.
    Bonny Bonobo alias Brat
    Male Bonobos are happily 'wussified' because they get sex all of the time, wherever and whenever they want it.

    OK, so occasionally they have a little tantrum and then get even more sex, to make them forget what they were getting annoyed about (see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eubDSQrFako ), but we female bonobos think its all well worth it, because we enjoy living in a beautiful matriarchal society where we make love not war.

    Imagine a human society like ours, what a wonderful world it would be.
    My latest forum article 'Australian Researchers Discover Potential Blue Green Algae Cause & Treatment of Motor Neuron Disease (MND)&(ALS)' Parkinsons's and Alzheimer's can be found at http://www.science20.com/forums/medicine
    Bonny Bonobo alias Brat
    And just in case you humans don't think you have the physical ability to live in trees like us bonobos just watch this http://sports.break.com/indian-pole-gymnastics

    I'm not sure that you're physically up to the sex though!
    My latest forum article 'Australian Researchers Discover Potential Blue Green Algae Cause & Treatment of Motor Neuron Disease (MND)&(ALS)' Parkinsons's and Alzheimer's can be found at http://www.science20.com/forums/medicine
    Gerhard Adam
    OK, let's see if I understand this properly.

    1. Snuggle, don't grope.
        So basically we should lay back and just relax.  OK .. I can deal with that.
    2. Don't treat us like porn stars.
        OK, so you want to be recognized as an amateur.  OK .. your call.
    3. Do unto others.
        OK, so it's alright to have a girlfriend too? or am I misunderstanding this part?
    4. Give us space.
        OK, so you want the rest of the house to yourself while I watch TV.  No problem
    5. Talk - and listen.
        Well, I always listen and the only time I talk is when the wife interrupts my listening.

    I don't think this is as difficult as it first seems.
    Mundus vult decipi
    Becky Jungbauer
    I imagine you have women lining up at the door with proposals, Gerhard. ;)
    Gerhard Adam
    It's just a gut level instinct.  Not like I can really claim much credit. :)
    Mundus vult decipi
    Bonny Bonobo alias Brat
    Gut level or slightly lower?
    My latest forum article 'Australian Researchers Discover Potential Blue Green Algae Cause & Treatment of Motor Neuron Disease (MND)&(ALS)' Parkinsons's and Alzheimer's can be found at http://www.science20.com/forums/medicine
    The solution to the problem... I wish my Wii had a vagina, or that piece of skin around my wife's vagina (that's right she's called my wife) was a Wii!

    What about communication and caring?

    Every woman is different in her hormone level and sensitivity to emotional triggers (positive & negative). Some women just want to have sex. Deal with it. Dealing with it does not make men wussified.

    Granted. I think that that means that some husbands could oh, I don't know... actually talk to their wife to find out where she is at on a sexual level. Men are just animals from "Mars" and women are from "Venus", so diplomacy won't work right?

    My approach is this: Clinically depressed, OK. Let's find out what happened to make you depressed, because I CARE! Oh, really! That's why you are depressed. I want to know more, because I care about you. Talk to me when you are ready, OK!

    What ever the reason. That kind of response from a husband usually comes off as attractive, not wussified. I give a good guide about how to make a wife want sex again in my article: How to Make My Wife Want Me. It has worked and my marriage VERY satisfying. I feel like I'm a better husband for it. Just saying.

    This goes to show you that women do not know what they are talking about. When women come up with these stupid rules, it means they are selfish.