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    New-Year Resolution: Should I Kill Myself In 2013
    By Sascha Vongehr | January 5th 2013 12:09 AM | 27 comments | Print | E-mail | Track Comments
    About Sascha

    Dr. Sascha Vongehr [风洒沙] studied phil/math/chem/phys in Germany, obtained a BSc in theoretical physics (electro-mag) & MSc (stringtheory)...

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    Guilty feeling Germans doubting all, asking the profound and not accepting the silly answers, starting out thinking that science, physics is important.  Muhō decided to live as a homeless monk in a park in central Osaka in 2001.  Since then he sits, in order to sit, and he achieved perhaps more that way than all my science can ever do.

     

    Eckhart Tolle (who I do not want to endorse here in any way) underwent a transformation at age 29, after which he stopped studying for his doctorate and wandered unemployed, and for about two years he spent much of his time sitting, in a state of bliss, on park benches in London, watching the world go by.  He stayed in a Buddhist monastery or slept otherwise rough.  His family thought him irresponsible and insane.

     

    The light of science is but the shade of my Bodhi tree.  When will I emerge from it?  Why am I still not enlightened?  Is leaving behind all that is left to do?  Did I just leave?  Black hole physics is irrelevant except for distracting from the fundamental problem, the one that Albert Camus is famous for because he answered it the politically correct way:

     

    there is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is suicide

    The Myth of Sisyphus (1942)

     

    Should I kill myself?  Can “should” be meaningfully defined in a modal totality where I always just happen to find my now?  As far as I can reconstruct the question meaningfully, a fully rational system, by the only way in which arbitrary utility can be consistently rationalized, commits suicide.  Irrationality keeps us alive!  It is the convenient claim of power structures to have rational justification that forces academic philosophy to pronounce the it-ought divide not bridged by suicide.  The only further detail is that of identity: what precisely is “I” that should be killed?

     

    Tolle asked and concluded some of the same that I have asked and concluded via system theory, that Zen masters asked and concluded in their ways (UPDATE - I have now read Tolle's book. I do not support such and thus have removed a section here.)

     

    The novice’s mantra, the master’s exhaling, there to kill the inner voice – killing the speaking half of me in order to leave my listening half with silence.  Selflessness expects no reward, not because it is generous, but because the expecting self has died.  I know it in my sciency way, pondering the time resolution on which self-reports of cognitive, intentional structures can be meaningfully described, pondering the deal that social evolution tries to sell to me as being in my own interest:  My self is self-deception, and thus the biggest lie to any philosopher.

     

    But people like Muhō had the guts to act, while I still commit science, not entirely without that childish hope to snap up a lasting whiff of the dangling carrot, something sustainable to trickle down from authority.  They did not embark on a master plan in order to be famous ten years after.  Many more did similar, and moreover, perhaps Tolle and Muho are just a few of those that failed to keep being on “the path”.  Or perhaps they found the deeper truth letting them embrace deception again?  Or perhaps their stories are just the lies they sell?  Whatever, it does not matter, as the crucial step has been taken by them:  A suicide of sorts, either of the self or of the last remnant of the mirage called truth, that which the philosopher, the one obsessed with that deception, holds dear as his very identification.

     

    Acceptance of the inevitable allows for considerable relief, amor fati, the Nietzschean affirmation.  Could I too provide considerable relief?  Why not teach this, perhaps via the quantum having evidenced modal reality anew and understandably to those blinded by shiny modernity?

     

    Nietzsche believed the search for truth, 'the will to truth', is a consequence of the will to power of philosophers.

     

    The postmodern core belief is that every interpretation is equally valid in the context of the language used to describe it, while the language itself is held to be “meaningless”.  That does not stop my construct to crystallize from an amorphous, wobbly seed of language grounded in emotions.  As long as its symmetry is sufficiently self-consistent to freeze all else on contact, it will prove itself true by usurping all power, i.e. over language.  What else could the ideology of a completely good system possibly be?  A totalitarianism of never before imagined arrogance grows in my mind, a positive constructionism, a positivist inter-subjectively social postmodernism turning deconstruction, like a new Karl Marx, from its head onto its feet, taking the final no-go theorem and letting it go, letting it walk, letting it construct the only truth that could possibly be good and trustworthy:  My own truth as reconstructed by every participating “I” that I care about!

     

    And now, few who grasp my writing are left to disagree about that I should kill myself.  2013 is the year in which I should kill myself.

     

    Post-structuralism, brought on by the impossibility of escaping structures in order to study them, sees the author's identity as a stable “self” with a discernible “intent” as a fictional construct.  And the rest, I deleted.

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    Comments

    Bonny Bonobo alias Brat
    Definitely not! Suicide is only one way to stop repeatedly pushing that heavy boulder uphill only to then see it roll back down the mountain again when there are much better, more pleasurable alternatives. Like simply sitting down and enjoying the view from wherever you are on that mountain, then going for a walk or climb along any one of the many mountain paths that takes your fancy, picking and smelling the fruit and flowers you find and even asking any caring person you may meet along the way to give you a massage or a hand up or down and then hopefully being able to return the favour.
    No god or gods could ever have forced Sisyphus to repeatedly keep pushing that rock up the mountain, which is why it was a myth, it was all just in his head or in the head of whoever dreamed up the myth, as many of the philosophers and gurus you mentioned also seem to have discovered. 
    Sascha, if you were to commit suicide this year, you would leave a black hole that no one else could possibly fill. You would also be acting very irresponsibly towards the people who love, admire and care about you because whether you like it or not you are somebody's son and somebody's partner and somebody's friend. You have also set yourself up as a role model by writing these often very insightful and educational Science20 blogs, so naturally it is likely that many more would, could and even 'should' then follow your role model example. They too would then leave grieving families and friends behind and so on...OK, maybe you don't care.

    Over twenty million people in the world attempt suicide each year for over twenty million different reasons and over one million people succeed. For every one that dies an average of ten people are seriously and adversely emotionally affected by their premature deaths. Whether you do like it or not suicide is an act of violence that is very contagious and often occurs in clusters. However, our right to commit suicide is an important human right that I believe should always be respected as an option. 

    My mother committed suicide three years ago while already dying a very painful death from motor neurone disease (MND) and I respect her bravery to have kept living as long as she did but then I also respect her ultimate right to end her pain and suffering when she finally decided that she wanted to. By then it was difficult for her to breath and iron lungs are not an option for MND patients in Australia.

    She stopped pushing that boulder uphill a long time before that though and she enjoyed the mountain views to the maximum, even painted them beautifully in oil paintings. She picked flowers and fruit and gave and received help and massages to and from many caring people she met. She walked and then crawled along several mountain paths through rain and shine and then when she couldn't crawl any further she jumped or rather rolled off the mountain's edge. It didn't stop me crying though and I'm still crying now and I still miss her terribly, just as I and many others would if you ever did the same. 

    I will understand if you delete this comment for not being philosophically 'high brow' enough or on topic enough or even too long for the comments section of this blog :)
    My article about researchers identifying a potential blue green algae cause & L-Serine treatment for Lou Gehrig's ALS, MND, Parkinsons & Alzheimers is at http://www.science20.com/forums/medicine
    vongehr

    No god or gods could ever have forced Sisyphus to repeatedly keep pushing that rock …, which is why it was a myth, it was all just in his head or in the head of whoever dreamed up the myth, as many of the philosophers and gurus you mentioned also seem to have discovered.

    As you discovered in your way, too, but perhaps you misinterpret the nature of the rock?  The very enjoyment you hope to get from sitting on the mountain is the rock you are pushing that way.

    [Anticipating a happy moment on the mountain "without the rock" is the same as the rock (in case the anticipation is not already happy, a happy enjoying of the rock).  You are never free of the rock, if the rock is your desire to be free of the rock.  You need to stop the desire to be free of the rock in order to be free of the rock.] 

    you would leave a black hole that no one else could possibly fill.

    I am nothing to begin with.

    You would also be acting very irresponsibly towards the people who love, admire and care about you

    Do I hear society and evolution speak through your aligned mind?  They made me for their needs.  I am not surprised to hear them.

    it is likely that many more would, could and even 'should' then follow your role model example.

    Yes, ‘should’ is the key-word.  And identity theory:  What part of my identification should I kill?  Should I kill my whole family?  Should I just kill my thoughts in meditation?  Should I work toward Global Suicide?

    over 20 million ... Whether you do like it or not suicide is an act of violence that is very contagious and often occurs in clusters.

    Oh yes, and it is growing fast and most in the most enlightened and technologically advanced societies, like Japan.  It will become all the rage and I will supply a mature philosophy on it, not the usual academic trash.  We need something that addresses modern people that are at that point, not editors of publish-or-perish journals or the feelings of snobish science blog consumers.

    I'm still crying now and I still miss her terribly, just as I and many others would if you ever did the same.

    If I commit a rational suicide, all that understand me will be fine with it.  In fact, I will make the less people cry the sooner I finish.

    Thor Russell
    To me this brings up the issue of what you would do if you could change your own "source code". There seems to be a pretty clear difference between the ability to decide that a course is rational and actually act on it or care about it. Now if your most rational thinking side (part of "self") was given the ability to change everything else, then perhaps you would turn off your evolutionary desire to live, but it isn't at all clear what me or other people would do. I could just as likely turn off my desire to be rational or find rationality compelling. Trying to predict how I would change my own values/desires seems in principle impossible to me.
    "Nothing changes totality" seems a lot more like a logical quirk to me than an imperative or important insight, but that is a feeling which I could presumably change.  It seems to be something you find more important than me. So if given choice over my own experiences and desires, I would of course turn off annoying pains etc, but I am not sure what I would do when my "inner voice" becomes annoying. Striving to completely turn it off (by meditation etc) seems a bit of a binary overreaction, when you could turn off the feeling of it being annoying or modify it so that it is only useful. It may be that if you give someone complete control over their inner voice, they will turn it down and down to practically nothing, but that isn't going to be possible with consciousness in neurons.

    Thor Russell
    vongehr
    Because of people like you I have still not killed myself as an author here.  Thank you.

    Thinking in terms of "changing your own source code" and realizing that "I" am a community of parts that kill each other anyway, such gives us an interesting enough basis from which to explore.
    "Nothing changes totality" is not important.  I point to the meaninglessness of "should" in "what should I do" or "should I kill and who" if I always just find my present.  What does "should" mean?  We need a description similar to Darwinian evolution, which similarly uses "in order to survive" and so on, without any teleology implied.
    Also, the question of why pain hurts is still not sufficiently answered to justify switching it off rather than enjoying pain.  If the "grounding" is nothing else, nothing bootstraping itself in "meaning space", if it is nothing but that evolution made our bodies do what they do, period, then why not masturbate rather than write?  Just being irrational?
    Thor Russell
    Glad to help!I am not entirely sure how you are going to define "should", so you will need to expand on what you mean. However in order to consider whether to make more or less of your future selves it seems you need to:

    1. Justify why your future self is worth attaching more weight to than someone other's future self
    2. Be able to identify with your future self. For example if you don't know what the future you in 5 years will be like and have reason to believe it could be so different to the current you as to make it more like someone else, then I don't see how you can make a decision about it. This relates to changing your source code. If you have the choice to change everything about yourself and don't know in advance what you will do, then I don't see how you can sensibly make any decision about whether there should be more or less of that changed self. It makes sense to let those changes run their course then make a decision. Especially if that change is to become more intelligent, capable of doing logic or rational perhaps. 
    Thor Russell
    why am I so afraid of something I know nothing about. If you do attempt this experiment can you please do it with a little spizaz. Hanging shooting cutting seen it with my own friends. Maybe a superman costume off a building. Or jumping in front of a train to save a Ant. Well I would miss your writings. I guess a quote might say it better then me. Those of us who have not shot ourselves in the head are either delusional or cowards. I am a coward who wonders is everone else really so delusional? Or are we just telling each other that life is worth living when we all know we remain alive because nature has selected for those who fear death the most, and nobody wants to look scared. To me it seems like saying I meant to do that after a gross error or pretending to enjoy the flogging you are recieving for appearances sake. Does the flogged man live for the spaces between the lash? Or does he live for when the lashing is done and he can finally crawl away and die knowing he made a good show of bravery? Either way the whole thing was just torture

    vongehr
    can you please do it with a little spizaz. ... Maybe a superman costume
    My public burning of the little that is left of my academic career is not sufficient as the scientist's suicide?  Honesty is not enough as the academic philosopher's suicide?  Writing what I would like to read is not sufficient spectacle as the writer's suicide?  Are readers here really not able to grasp the slightest bit of "meta level" or is it just most of those who comment?
    Those of us who have not shot ourselves in the head are either delusional or cowards. I am a coward
    Coward - yes!  Why not put that gun to your head, say this is it, I am dead now, then put it down and do whatever the fuck you want?  Take what you want, get high, whatever, all that can happen is, they shoot you.  What are you afraid about?  No, not death, you are afraid to live!

    But I have something for people like you, you foot soldier of the army that shall be assembled under the antichrist that is going to appear from my ashes.
    i think one with the evolutionary desire to live turned-off would be similar to a brain dead human on life support. It's that programming to live and the tension that's created from the conflicting desire for death that makes a muscle move, transformation possible.

    i was actively suicidal for a prolonged period, a state with a whole 'lotta tension (no fun, tho a psych ward can have it's moments ;). this tension/pressure resulted in changes that, i think, make for an improved version of 'me'. more contented with myself and others yet no more (probably less so) contented with the systems i inhabit.

    i think if i were to become a monk now tho i might just have to go through the whole thing all over again. it seems a lot like disowning one identity and attaching oneself to a new one which would mean i transferred rather than processed my transformation... too much work!!!
    does make me wonder too if Tolle is really on to a deeper truth or a deeper deception or does it really matter anyway???

    homeostatic regulation -balance- makes a lot more sense to me now than the death of parts or the whole.

    The prince of mathematics Gauss, got himself killed in a duel. Botzmann killed himself. Turing killed himself. Phil Ochs committed suicide. The world is impoverished by each and every suicide. Do not rob the future of your past. The future needs you in it, even if you yourself do not need a future.

    I don't know you, and have not read your other works, but I stumbled across this post yesterday and was thinking about it all day. I wrestle with this question too, on a literal level and on the meta-level. We live in a world that has been set up in such a way that if we want to earn our daily bread (both the literal bread and the ego-filling confections of awards and success) we cannot speak truth to power, nor be authentically ourselves. This truth is the boulder that you and I and many others keep pushing uphill. I empathize, and thank you for your honesty. It's because of people like you, who choose to be real, that I am still here.

    vongehr
    Thank you.  It fills me with pleasure to see that my changing my approach to be relevant is starting to work.  It is you who I was seeking.  There will be more of this nature.  I will kill myself very slowly so to say in order that we may all enjoy the pain. ;-)
    Quentin Rowe
    What a smile that came to my face when I saw your heading - this could only be Sascha!
    Only you could produce an article on suicide with such logic and sincerety.

    For entirely selfish reasons I would rather you not commit suicide, as I would miss your artcles,and personallity that comes with them.
    You have to ask thought, if there is no self, just who is it that makes that decision to commit such an act.

    And bearing in mind a modal universe, does this not mean that I have an equal say in wether you continue to live and therefore be part of my reality?

    I like to think you do not have my permission to kill ypurself, but really Im just kidding myself. :-)

    I feels it's gonna be a cracking new year!
    vongehr
    Ha ha - thanks for making me smile, too.
    if there is no self, just who is it that makes that decision to commit such an act.
    There is a whole community of things, say the "society of mind", that we identify with at various points and thus count to our "self".  The illusion is that of the one integrated soul thingy that will be destroyed on top of switching off the rest.
    And bearing in mind a modal universe, does this not mean that I have an equal say in wether you continue to live and therefore be part of my reality?
    Some yous find themselves in worlds with me, some in those without me.
    You definately should kill the self. The I with the self are not compatible. To continue struggling is a selfish act, you know the self is unhappy and miserable with the I, yet you continue to let it be. Why? Do you have doubt? Are you are afraid? Maybe becasue you will miss them both? Many people commit this act for the wrong reasons, many more becasue of their courage. I've been wanting to kill myself since i can remember, i think i was 7 or 8. Not for any particular reason, myself found everything so complicated and hard. I was rasied in a great country by great family i have no complaints or problems apart form my writting,lol. Im 35 and to this day i still could not express, i hate living so much, hate it. I have told doctors and friends. Ofcourse doctors would say i have this and i have that, friends would suggest this and that. Its none of this and that. Its purely the I not happy with the Self. Its not hard to understand, its hard to logically accept. Imagine, try to imagine, two friends who hate eachother living with you throughout your whole existance, made you laugh and think give you courage and fear, Introduced you to more friends and experiences. How do you let them go? How do you do that? When someone kills themselves for the wrong reason, people usually know why they did it. When someone kills themselves for no reason, people could not understand. How could they? How do you explain to people? what do you say? Sorry guys i have to go, my physical existance cannot accept this state with my soul they are not happy i must set them free, see you. Whats worse, what really upsets me is that i am consciously aware of the "I" and the "Self" where many who writte here are not. Im selfish i admit that, but i promised them both. the first chance that comes i will let them go then my mind can rest. Good luck see you on the other side.

    vongehr
    The I with the self are not compatible.
    ??? The author's "I" is not a phenomenal conscious "I" over half a second.  The listening I is not the same as the language producing module.  What you mean, I don't know.  This is a science site - define your terms properly.  If you think that I give you the treatment that you are addicted to, namely being all niceynice because you mentioned to kill yourself, guess what, that didn't work for 30 years with you, so my medicine is very different:  Make sense or be out of here pal.
    i hate living so much, hate it.
    Once one has tried changing one's way of living often enough and always failed, it is like with the TV and all channels sucking - you switch the thing off.  However, as long as I don't see you in a cloud of pot smoke crosslegged on a mountain top with no internet access anywhere near, I doubt you tried sufficiently, but it is your call.
    I have told doctors and friends.
    Your are not a teenager slitting your wrists to cry for help; you have this feeling for 30 years.  Doctors are there to make you "properly functioning" again, but it seems that the "properly functioning" is precisely what you do not enjoy.
    Im selfish i admit that, but i promised them both.
    These meaningless thoughts give you that comfortably selfrighteous feeling, don't they.  You are enjoying this on some level, are addicted to it perhaps.
    As always, one can tell Vongehr's article just by the name... "Should" is a rather weird choice of a word here: for a resolution "will" or "shall" would've made more sense. As for "should" - how comes this year is anyhow better than all the other ones, either preceding or following, for killing self? Or, at least, for starting killing self?

    vongehr
    The text was clear about that there are parts of my identity that will try to kill themselves in 2013 - this is the resolution.
    John Hasenkam
     Irrationality keeps us alive!
    Glad you quoted Camus because as soon as I read the title I remembered that statement of his. 
    Irrationality does keep us alive. It is why so many cultures and individuals cling to mythopoetic motifs to provide meaning to their lives. We are masters of rationalisation first, rationality somewhere way down that list. Which is perhaps why John Grey writes in The Immortalisation Commission:
    A glance at any human being should be enough to dispel the notion it is the work of an intelligent being.
    As Camus wrote: Seeking the truth is not seeking what is desirable. But ... as he also stated: the man who discovers the absurd is forever bound to it. or .. the absurd is lucid reason noting its limits. Or ... Weariness comes at the end of the acts of a mechanical life, but at the same time it inaugurates the impulse of consciousness. ... At the end of the awakening comes, in time, the consequence: suicide or recovery.

    But he offers hope ... Everything considered, a determined soul will always manage.

    But it is bad to stop, hard to be satisfied with a single way of seeing, to go without contradiction, perhaps the most subtle of all spiritual forces. The preceding merely defines a way of thinking. But the point is to live.

    Being able to remain on that dizzying crest - that is integrity and the rest is subterfuge.


    ------


    So perhaps that is why I have always had a liking for Buddhism because it encourages you stop asking questions that cannot be answered. It demands that you live first, think second. 
    It demands that you live first, think second. 
    -consistent with the existential notion that existence precedes essence, but you can't consistently operate that way. A little thought prior to action paves the way for a lot more living, generally...When I think of Camus I'm constantly reminded of the vast difference between his narrator(doctor) in The Plague and that of the Outsider .

    vongehr
    consistent with the existential notion that existence precedes essence
    But the Zen buddhist's existence starts after it killed part of itself, that is the point.
    A little thought prior to action paves the way for a lot more living, generally...
    Under large uncertainty, the no-future regret decision theoretical guide fails to protect you from feeling regret whatever action you take, A or B.  In that case, there are two rational answers:
    1) B = Kill yourself fully => no future regret
    2) C = Kill your regret part => no future or present regret
    But the Zen buddhist's existence starts after it killed part of itself, that is the point.
    Hmm...reminds me of Don Juan's advice in Castaneda's fiction about "erasing personal history". He was just popularizing Zen Buddhism and trying to pass it off as anthropology. I just found out that he bought a big house with the money he made from his books and moved in with three women!





    vongehr
    Don Juan also warns Castaneda about suicide being what the last remnants of the self suggest in order to fight being erased.  Death being your best friend is yet another insight that Castaneda and I share - I like to say that Death comes to your side whenever you most need him; just call him, and he is there for you, and he waits for you patiently at the end of the road anyway, so there is no point running after him.  That people misunderstand because of their primitive morals, that they distort and deride everybody wise is consistent with society's evolution.
    (I should do fine with two women in a small house.)
    Sasha,

    Why haven't you killed yourself already? I had a close friend who killed himself about 9 years ago, I don't think you have the balls to do so, he did, therefor I respect his choice.

    But honestly, I wish he was still around.

    Take care, Sacha there is nothing smart or stupid about killing yourself, be it this year or next year, there are no deep thoughts to it, it's only the choice of taking an exit when things aren't going for you. It also takes a pair to keep on going, that's why I sometimes no longer respect my friend who took is life. It's been nine years, and I still don't know what to think about it, I know for me getting the news about him shooting his brains out, makes me think how my legs started to shake and how I sank through the ground, horrible feeling. I can remember that evening and night, I was alone when a friend called me, I had no one to talk to after the call, everyone was out, I could no longer sleep, it wasn't until the morning that I could share the news with my parents. I remember his funeral, it was the first time I cried since I was a little kid; meeting his parents, grabbing me, hearing them say "you were one of is best friends ..." it's the such a shitty situation. Now it doesn't do me anything anymore, it's all cold, it even seems that it never happened.

    take care Sacha,

    grtz,

    m.

    vongehr
    Why haven't you killed yourself already?
    Did you read the article at all?  Perhaps read again?
    But honestly, I wish he was still around ... that's why I sometimes no longer respect my friend who took is life
    In order to share your misery, he shall bear his own, which perhaps you were not even be willing to share with him?  How nice of you.
    Like I said it leaves me cold, there are no longer any 'perhaps' questions, I'm past that phase, and ain't nobody got any longer time for that, he's dead and gone, and I've got my own stuff to take care of.

    I've seen some good things and bad things since that day, I wish he could have seen them to, that's all.

    take care,

    m.

    Gerhard Adam
    It strikes me that one of the fundamental problems we face as humans is our illusion of control.  This puts us in a psychologically "far from equilibrium" state that we would recognize in a physical system as being unstable and somehow try to rationalize in a psychological system. 

    As a result, we suffer because of our failure to acknowledge that the world does not obey our individual laws.

    Similarly the reaction to someone that does commit suicide is disturbing in that someone would succumb to such logic and simply choose to exit, or even worse, the notion that someone has actually resolved themselves to such a final commitment.  In many ways, suicide is the ultimate final act of control.

    Mundus vult decipi
    What is the matter? Who knows. We're just a set of stuff, thoughts included. It doesn't have to be dramatic, but it can be all the same. So we are all left to our own devices to ponder the stream of instants that we perceive to be commencing at a certain rate all about us. If one of those instants has your perceiving the floor flying towards you from 70 feet away, at an acceleration of 10 m/s^2, then your ability to perceive things for much longer may be at an end. If that's the way it is, then that's the way it is.

    To me at least, the thought of willingly stepping into that instant seems funny though. It resembles skipping from the first chapter to the end of a book. The ending was there all along, and had you not skipped over the middle section, it would have made a lot more sense. Regardless, the ending would have been open to interpretation. But if you read the meat of it, maybe you'll see the end in a different light. Who knows?

    Is my life just some fractal? Does it matter at what point I try to interpret it? Or does everything just start repeating whether I examine it closely or from far away. Whats the point? Who knows? Is there a point? Who knows? When will I find out? Who knows?

    Can I prove an idea that I have about the state of things as the exist today? Maybe. I know that if I pick up a guitar, having never held the instrument before, and begin to play it -
    1) I will not enjoy the sounds that I initially make with the instrument
    2) If I continue to play with the instrument, I will inevitably find at least 2 sounds which I like hearing together
    3) If I continue to play still, I may even find a 3rd... 4th... 5th
    4) If I continue to play still, the pinky finger on my fretting hand will learn what dexterity means
    5) If I continue to play still, I may naturally discover chords, rhythm, strumming patterns, etc.
    6) If I continue to play still, (insert statement of self discovery)...'
    7) etc. etc. etc.

    If at any point I smash the guitar on the ground, I will no longer be able to continue learning about the guitar in its whole-form, and will be reduced to playing with a broken guitar instead. None of this has any intrinsic value besides that which I attribute to it. For example, I may become very excited the first time I am able to move pinky to obey my detailed commands. I may be very sorrowful that I just smashed my guitar.

    I'm pretty sure this kind of way of thinking is something like Zen.

    Not sure how I came across this entry, but I felt like responding so, cool beans.

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