Disclaimer: If you read this, don't blame me for whatever psychological damage that will inevitably follow.
This may not be the most dignified thing I've ever written, but I couldn't resist once I thought of the title. And, it also happens to be a real condition.
In fact, Cosmo, that bastion of science, has an article called
"13 Problems Men Have With Their Balls," and this is one of the 13. If you've gotten this far, I'm guessing you're gonna read it, but don't expect to see something that is worthy of The New England Journal of Medicine.
But, old man balls (OMB) is one of the 13. Getting kicked in them is also in there (note to women: there is no way to adequately describe what this feels like). The other 11 are pretty nasty. I'll leave it up to you to whether to read them ar not.
Fortunately (?), should you be so afflicted, and it causes you undue distress, there is a surgical procedure that can be done to correct the problem. That just made my bucket list, right below swimming laps at Fukushima.
If surgery isn't your bag (sorry), then Nurse Brigid's website has another solution: yoga for your scrotum. This is clearly for nuts. Both kinds.
Should this matter continue to plague you, worry not! A YouTube video tells you all about "The Nut Bra." It is even patented! Not recommended viewing while dining.
And, the widely-read site, Big Natural Testicles has another solution: scrotum stretching exercises. Probably more pleasant than spinning classes, but I think I'll pass.
OK, I'm done making a fool out of myself. For now.
I'm betting that Dr. Oz picks this up. Perhaps he even has a supplement to bring those bad boys back into alignment.
Goodbye career. It was nice while it lasted.
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