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    The Science Behind Heartbreak
    By Ashley Cox | November 14th 2008 09:52 AM | 320 comments | Print | E-mail | Track Comments
    About Ashley

    I'm an undergrad in chemistry on my way to getting a Ph.D.

    I have many different interests including genetics, fire fighting, rock

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    Heartbreak is more than just an emotional defeat; to some the pain is very real. At one point or another, everyone must experience this mind numbing feeling (unless you confine yourself to a house and never interact with even a pet) but that's not the norm and you're probably not reading this article if you've had that kind of sheltered life.

    Heartbreak can be caused by many different circumstances and that's what makes this emotion easily recognized by nearly every person on the planet. It can result from the loss of a loved one, a partner, a friend and even a close pet. Or it can be caused from disappointment, betrayal or a change from known surroundings. It might not even be a loss at all but a sense of loss, or the realization that the love of the person you care most for is drifting far from where it had always been.

    Love, in the same perspective as heartbreak, neither has a corrective definition nor specific amplitude implied by the physical word itself. There's a never-ending limit to the definition of love because there are so many things we love and in many different ways. There's friendship love, love for animals and possessions, love for music or hey, even food. Then there's that kind of  love that is so overwhelming perfect, passionate and meaningful, a love that you have never before been able to achieve. This is the love we're going to be talking about throughout this article, but before we can continue on, we must first understand why we as humans are constantly searching to fulfill this emotion.



    Photo by Me! Isn't it cool?

    A part of the desire comes from what we find most joyful in life. If you search for this answer, and look upon previous actions objectively, it's simple to say that we are satisfied by making others happy. We receive complete satisfaction from doing things for others, and this feeling increases with the intensity of love we feel towards that specific person or thing.  When you lose someone you love, you have lost the sense of purpose acquired by the relationship between them and yourself. You lose the purpose you felt when doing simple things to make them smile, and making yourself joyful in return. The cycle should continue endlessly, but as we know that could only occur in a perfect world, which this is not. Heartbreak happens, and it changes who we are for the better (in most cases) and so will it be for the rest of our lives and next.

    "We of course equate the pain of loss to the intensity of the love, but that is not what is behind the pain. The more you love and feel loved, the greater the increase of your sense of purpose because when you do something for just anyone and they do not appreciate it; your sense of purpose is not completely satisfied. It requires seeing who you are helping, and their appreciation to make it complete." says personal developer, David Samuel.

    Continuous searching comes from our need not only to self imply a purpose of being, but also to find the "one" that will make us feel needed, appreciated, and most importantly, well,  loved. We act in some silly ways just to be able to have a someone that we can call our own. We act crazy, we do stupid things, and we make regrettable mistakes, but hey, that's just falling in love. We start picturing the rest of days together, share every ounce of pointless information we can recall, and create a bond greater than ever perceived, all before a thought of those three little words comes to mind.


    Photo also by me, with help from Jen in creating the heart...


    The Physical Pain

    Anyone who's ever gone through the emotional pain of a heartbreak more often than not can express the experience through the form of some type of physical pain. Emotions affect physical health in more ways than many realize, but how does the body physically feel the emotional loss; in other words, what is it that brings pain to the heartbreak?

    "Pain is the way the mind responds to trouble inside the body," says Alex Zautra, a professor of psychology at Arizona State University. "Emotion is the same way. Whether you feel love or sadness is also a response to something you feel outside the body. With pain it is a closer-in response, to something inside the body, but it is a response in an attempt to learn about and motivate recovery."

    The depression caused by heartbreak creates a barrier that can prevent us from feeling and experiencing life to the fullest, in all aspects. Symptoms vary byindividual and range from withdrawal from society to
    physical sickness and pain. You lose a part of yourself when connections are lost, and its not far-fetched to say that you feel completely empty inside. There's an ache, a deep ache that erupts from the inside of our bodies longing for the past. The pain is real and there's no other way to describe how bad it really hurts than to name it heartbreak. Its a longing for the past and the pain of feeling completely empty and abandoned. It makes it hard to get up in the morning and to get through the day, but all wounds are inevitably healed through time, and thus you hope for the future to approach quicker.

    When a person feels secluded or feels loss, changes in the brain's blood flow occur. The anterior cingulate cortex (responsible for regulating physical pain distress) becomes more active during these times. This is seen in victims of depression who also register physical pain due to the detection of nociception, which triggers a variety of responses, one which results in the experience of pain. People who are depressed or who are under extreme stress are more at risk to develop heart disease and other cardiovascular diseases based on research that found depression to help in thickening artery walls .

    Although most pain of heartbreak is not that severe, it still has a profound effect on daily living. Symptoms of breakup might include loss of appetite, insomnia,  headaches, stomachaches, nausea, a ton of tears, occasional nightmares, alcohol/substance abuse,  depression, eating disorders, panic attacks, loss of interest, fatigue, loneliness and hopelessness.

    The Stages of Heartbreak:
    Someone who is dealing with heartbreak follows patterns similar to those of the stages of death

    1.Shock and Denial- you may deny the reality of the situation; this provides emotional protection from feeling overwhelmed by the situation. The shock of loss allows a state of emptiness to move in, clouding most judgment. 

    2.Pain and Guilt-after the shock wears off it becomes replaced with suffering and unbearable pain. Regret for things you did wrong, or things that you weren’t able to do with this person adds to further tears. Life feels chaotic during this time, and its best to openly discuss feelings and stray from bottling up your emotions

    3. Anger and Bargaining-
    lashing out is a common form of attempting to release all unspoken emotions. This is the stage where the “why why why?!” questioning comes in. The pleas for returned love run rapid, trying to bargain with fate or with the person who was just lost.

    4. Depression, Reflection, and Loneliness- like everyone else in this situation, a period of sadness clouds and
    absorb your entire sense of being, leaving feelings of emptiness. This feeling occurs when you finally realize and accept the magnitude of your loss. Isolation from people is exceedingly normal, and offers a time to reflect on the past.

    5. Acceptance and an Upward Turn- The feelings of depression lift slightly and life becomes possible to survive without that person so deeply intertwined with each activity. The days are a little easier to shuffle through, and you see the possibility of continuation. The reality of the situation is fully accepted and, although happiness may not return for some time, the ability to move forward has occurred.

    Can Heartbreak Occur- Literally?

    According to studies on heartbreak and how it affects people, most of whom women, a connection can be found between emotional pain and a literal form of heartbreak- heart attack.  Depression is documented to affect its host physically and so is the case with heartbreak. The emotional stress is harmful and is said to possibly be cause for what's known as Broken Heart Syndrome, cleverly laid out in the picture below.

     

    Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy is a sudden temporary weakening of the myocardium, producing something similar to a heart attack. When the body becomes overwhelmed, primarily due to stress, hormones such as metanephrine and normetanephrine are released in excess with addition to proteins such as neuropeptide Y, brain natriuretic peptide, and serotonin.

     "Our hypothesis is that massive amounts of these stress hormones can go right to the heart and produce a stunning of the heart muscle that causes this temporary dysfunction resembling a heart attack," says cardiologist Ilan Wittstein, M.D., an assistant professor at The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine and its Heart Institute. "It doesn't kill the heart muscle like a typical heart attack, but it renders it helpless."

    How to Mend A Broken Heart

    The best thing for a broken heart is to be patient and allow time to settle all unresolved feelings. Talking about your feelings with friends or family help to smooth the passage of the loss, as will allowing yourself time to reflect on all feelings and answer questions you may have for yourself.  Keeping busy with hobbies you're passionate about and trying new things also keeps your mind busy during hard times. Get a group of friends together and watch a movie, or if you're more to yourself, try a quiet walk through a forest or even around the neighborhood. Give yourself time, and do things that make you happy. You are your own best friend and it's important that you accept who you are and like who you are as a person before you expect anyone else to.

    Comments

    Jen Palmares Meadows
    I can imagine teenagers coming to school with signed notes from their doctors saying they missed class because they were suffering from "Broken Heart Syndrome"...
    You're a bit of a patronising dope really.

    Sure that comes from aan idiotic nerd like you....

    Sure that comes from aan idiotic nerd like you....

    You fucking prick. Patronising????? Your problem MATE, is you are heartless. How fucking sad......

    I actually did. I believe I am suffering from this. I've checked with the doctor but he hasn't been taking me serious.

    I actually spent a week and a half in the hospital and doctors were sure when they admitted me I was having a heart attack. after surgery to put in stints they found no blockage but every time my ex husband would come or call the symtpoms began again. Heart break is very real and the stress asscoiated with it can kill.

    Without wishing to sound heartless ..... I stumbled on this trying to find a page to help me deal with the death of my Dad and cannot believe this is about breaking up with people..... Come on guys we have all been there but I have a 2 week rule ..... After that I move on as life is really too short and my Dad's death has confirmed that. These people you are talking about are still alive and breathing be thankful for that. I would give everything to be able to say all the things I have thought of saying since my Dad passed away to make me feel better as there is always guilt afterwards. I have had many break ups that were painful and my world ended but at 37 I met my soulmate. 5 years on I am still with him so please have that hope and believe that all these things happen for a reason and that something better is around the corner. I believe my Dad is in a better place even though it makes me cry as I type it and I want him with me, I know he is better off where he is and he is out of pain. I am trying to think differently about the situations I find myself in rather than challenge them...........I hope this helps xx

    We cannot describe the pain of breakup someone we need we love we care for, but the best treatment is keep in patience, the most important thing is accepting the situation. Yea there is something good behind of it. my heart was broken few times. I know i never did anything wrong with them. what i did is i gave my heart to them i treated kindly lovingly with them but instead of being honest with me they did breakup for some reason. I have nothing else to do than accepting the condition. I never dishonest with anyone. Sometimes i feel this test is too much for me. I used beg after them to be honest with me. we better to not to do anything that we can regret later. be calm be silent go through with time. don't call them don't beg after them be kind with yourself learn to live for you not for them.

    It is true... I just cant explain the effect of pain, but true time heals everything.....

    There's more to heart break then just breaking up with someone. I just left my husband bc he was becoming progressively abusive to me and our two special needs children. My heart is broken over my failed marriage, over his treatment of us, and over my children's condition.

    Know that you did the brave thing. Protecting yourself and your babies is the best thing you could do. Having special needs children is not for the faint of heart. I have a son with autism and know about the daily challenges.

    His treatment of you and your children shows what kind of man he is and what he is made of. You and your children deserve better than that. Don't feel guilt. (I know that is something we always do as parents of special needs kids). My prayer for you is healing of your heart that has been through alot.

    what you said was beautiful, and it touched me deeply. Thank you for being honest and sharing with the readers your perspective on things.
    Perspective, this is what we need to be looking for/at.
    I am so sorry for the loss of your father, i lost a loved one as well, and it was really 'heartbreaking'. But like your words calmed me down after my 'emotional' break-up with the man I believed I loved, let me assure you that the pain of losing your father will eventually be replaced with a smile, and sometimes even a tear, but you will be comforted by all the great memories he left behind. Trust me it does get easier by time, which takes nothing away from the difficulty you are dealing with, but Life has a way of moving forward that just keeps surprising you.
    I hope I am making sense. But thank you for your kind words, and I really pray he rests in peace.

    Well lucky old you getting a soul mate... My dad died in a fire when I was twenty and i am still greiving at 40. My "soulmate" lives over the road with his new girlfriend which really taught me about a broken heart. I was his friend for 10years and then partner for 5. I've got a new fella but the pain still hits me in the face everytime I see this man... explain that please... I've had therapy, worked at a new job, lived well as i can and yet still it hurts. I'd like to think this was not my "soulmate" but the pain is enduring. The person I am with is a throughly lovely person so why do i feel like this. It makes no sense. I hope you find lasting happiness because this is awful. I am constantly trying to forget, forgive (myself mostly) and trust again. It makes me feel mentally unwell that i cant handle this situation, no matter how long I've tried it is only slightly better, namely I dont get nauseous leaving the house so much these days.

    Hi, I am very sorry to hear about your past .... But with my experience ,as you said above that your soul mate was your friend... may be this is the thing which is still in your mind is hurting you ... see every day each and every cells in our body will change and a human being as a whole is made up of these cells... and how can we expect the human being to be the same....people will change today or tomorrow .. love and live for yourself.. help others through your journey and never expect ... think like this and give a try... be happy with the person who has accepted you like how you are :) hope this works :)

    I sooooo know how you feel. It's been 4 yrs and I still can't get over her. She's gone on an married kid and all. I've dated and been in great relationships but my heart still aches for her and I hate it.

    Look im 14 im in middle school i have great grades an i.q. of 180 thats genus level. On the surface i look normal self confidant teen yet i still look in the mirror and say "your an idiot what did you expect! God your ugly and you expect him to see good in you" i say that because im the one who believes hes changed that mabey just mabey he will look at me and see something worth loving. He won't. He never does. Yet when he smiles at me i see my best friend, the person who can screw with my heart, the person who comforts me when i cry so long as he didn't cause it. So i understand what you mean. Yet i dont believe that time will heal these wounds i also have the feeling that he is my soulmate yet at the same time i find it a curse this morning i believed that all would be well i was happy now i can honestly say that this is the saddest i have ever been more so than when my mother and biological father were incarsarate i was two more than when i lost my grandmother when i was nearly ten that same year my biological dad was locked up again two years later my grandfather passed now one year ago my mother and stepfather devorced now im living with my stepdad i havent seen my biological dad in years my mother is a nut case and i havent seen her in six months yet dealing with my not- so -perfect-soulmate is worse than all of those combined. So tell me how is time supposed to help.

    Gerhard Adam
    You're young and there's many things that will happen in your life, good and bad.  Believe it or not, this isn't the only person that will ever have an impact on you, nor that will connect with you emotionally.

    You're still finding yourself.  I know that sounds cliche, but at 14, you still haven't experienced even the most rudimentary elements of being alive as an adult.  Until that happens, you don't even know all the changes that you're going to deal with, and you certainly won't be the same person in ten years that you are now.  That may seem like an eternity, but believe me, it will pass faster than you realize and you will look back on this as an event in your past, but I will GUARANTEE that it won't hold the same significance for you then as it does now.

    Part of the problem is that we don't really want that to happen [letting go and getting over things].  We want things to happen when we want them [and we want them to only be positive experiences], so there's a reluctance to let go and that tends to prolong our misery.  The reason time "heals", is because it takes too much energy to stay miserable.  Eventually your body and mind just simply give up and you eventually move on.  It's ultimately how we establish a perspective on the events in our lives.
    Mundus vult decipi
    Gerhard Adam
    I'm going to do what I should've done before.  I am tired of putting up with crap from smart-ass 14 year old kids, so this thread is gone.  If it returns, I will delete it again.  I am so done with such people.
    Mundus vult decipi
    Dear Gerhard,
    I'm very sorry if I offended you. I was hurt and I lashed out at you I'm very sorry.

    You give wise counsel Gerhard and I admire that you are able to deflect the unwarranted criticism flung your way. Love is a choice. It's madness to expect love in return when we can't let go of a past relationship. How can our love be authentic otherwise. Certainly we can feel nostalgia about what has gone before but letting go is a gift to ourselves and the families we create. If we all understand that love is a choice we can all love well. I also have an advanced degree in psych and that's where I learned about our own accountability in all that surrounds us. There are no accidents as to why we are where we are at any given moment. To waste a life on a love gone sour is tragic. To waste one's ability to love again when our lost love has died is also tragic. We all deserve to love fully and passionately. In fact it is our right and need.

    Gerhard Adam
    Thank you very much.  I appreciate the kind words.
    Mundus vult decipi
    IQ of 180? Your grammar says otherwise.

    Even a genius can struggle with things i am not saying im perfect and we all make errors.

    Einstein had an estimated 180 IQ. Your grammar makes me cry.

    first of all, whatever relationship you could be having at 14 will not last. love and relationships change over time, every things definition changes as you get older and grow up.

    As for you being a "genius" you're spelling was terrible. so was you're grammar . Don't brag about something when you can't back it up. with proof.

    Really? My genus is homo, as in homo sapien! I should expect that your one too, right?

    if you have an IQ of 180, why can you not spell "maybe", "you're" or even "genius"...?
    And all of you, get over the idea of "soul-mates"- there are plenty more fish in the sea. And if you're 14, there is literally the rest of your hopefully long life ahead of you. Be a kid for a while- heartbreak hurts, and we get over it and get on with it.

    I think we simply learn to live with the heartache that persists, after all what's the alternative. The enduring emptyness remains despite trying to fill it with someone else, or something else, believe me I've tried as well, and I completely get everything you've said!
    And people unless you've really and truly given your life, heart and soul to someone thinking it's forever, you'll never understand!
    I wonder has anything helped? Please tell....

    This has helped me alot it still hurts to see him and I doubt that will ever pass because I cared for him so much. I realize now that just because he was there I wasn't really being me I was trying to be his and I lost sight of myself. Thank you all for your advice.

    Completely agree with you- I have had a very similar experience- heartbroken by my mother's untimely death in 1991- still waiting for the "time heals" to kick in, and ever distraught by the demise of the relationship i had with the love of my life.... I've had therapy, anti depressants.. I still function normally, but i carry this physical pain with me, and it doesn't go away. If I hear talk about my ex and his new family, I feel physically sick. I have a 16 yr old child from that relationship, and i have never ever disclosed to her how I feel. All my friends have long forgotten that we were even together, so the pressure to "grow" and "move on" is enormous, but is it based on reality? You feel guilty for not being able to "get over it". i spoke to one GP who summed it up perfectly, and said you can't get over it, you just have to find a way to live with it, and that can be impossible for some. There's too much emphasis on hippy healing and embracing and forgiving, but maybe some things just elude us, and we have to accept that they are real and true emotions. You can't necessarily stop loving someone if you no longer have them in your life.

    Thank you for this, I have a dying mother and my boyfriend just dumped me. Instead of letting him affect me, I have been focusing on my mother to make sure I have as few regrets as possible after the inevitable happens. I am only 21, I will find another boyfriend, but I can't find another mother.

    I empathise with the loss of your dad,, i came home to find my dad had took his life in a horrific way, i was forced to move out of my home, had to register his death and me/my sister had to pool what little money we had to plan and pay for funeral, during this time i was made redundant,, life just kept going from there down hill and even after 3 years my heart still aches for him to be around,, i dont get as upset as i use to but the ache is always there

    I am sorry for your loss. However, not everyone can program themselves to "two weeks." There is no shame in feeling human emotion, and it should not be restricted in my opinion. This is all part of the healing process, and it's necessary. Heartbreak comes in all forms. Maybe you should allow yourself to grieve longer. Good luck!

    I read your post, then came across another post on another site and thought I would share it with you so you can understand how badly the pain is that other people feel from love lost. I have lost family, but when they're gone, you ushould understand that death is a part of life. We ALL lose parents and family along the way.:

    I have experienced Heartbreak and it is almost like death. In cases where you have true love and you get rejected, after a while (say an year or two or may be more) it feels that you could have been more OK had you experienced the death of the person rather than rejection. I had found myself thinking why there was so much pain. What must people be doing if their loved one dies? and when I thought that way, I found out that this was paining more than if the person had died.

    See when a person dies, but that person used to love you, you could live with memory and understanding that person loved you. But when love itself dies, you feel really empty and hollow and fail to understand life. Death is understandable and you know in your heart that it is not something that was done to you on purpose. You know the person could not help it, and if there is some place after death, you know that person still loves you. You would feel anger, resentment, to somebody yes god maybe, why something that you loved was taken from you but you fould not feel hollow or empty.

    But in case of rejection, its very tough to understand what was really wrong. I cannot express it in words, but its very true. and especially if you still have to be in contact with that person, but now in a totally different way, man it takes years to be cured of it. I have personally experienced, this and thank god, that I have been able to get over it but it was ** PAINFUL **. for a long time.... Years...

    is it so dat der is a "herat break syndrome"???an u plz answer!

    Hey Jen . . . I liked your note . . . you may be on to something.

    They might not say heart break but most definitely depression. This is real. Many students have been able to withdraw from classes due to depression. So this is nothing to laugh about or make fun of. It's real stuff. It really hurts and it really messes up how you function in your daily life.

    I dont want to live anymore, I have a heartbreak that wont ever get better. Its been almost four years and things are really just getting worse. It doesnt help that she died 8 months after she broke my heart. I watched as she started a relationship with another man, she knew that I could see but i still didnt say anything. It ended with him completely humiliating me, he followed my girlfriend into the kitchen and grabbed her and kissed her like i wasnt even there. This is the girl that was madly in love with me, we lived together, and now im ruined. imagine living with the memory of seeing some creep confidently kissing your girlfriend while you sat watching in the mirror in the other room. i cry all day long no matter where i am or what im doing. I would call them crying fits or saddness or whatever, everything i do and everywhere i go reminds me of this pain, this cowardly allowing of my girlfriend to pursue another relationship. im ruined i dont want to live

    It feels like the day it still all happened. It is now 3 years since I was separated from the love of my life and at the time 6 month old child. We wern't separated by our own fortune. One of these life changing experiences separated us. For i live in New Zealand and my ex and my child live in England. I still feel an enormous amount of loss constantly wanting to know how they are, constantly wanting to be with them. The trouble is is that we still talk, she still loves me but we cant be together. I dont know where to start, its been 3 years and we cant keep going on like this, it isnt fair on either of us.

    It's a loss that may never go away, when you are so tuned into the other person you know what they are going to say or do next. You give everything away for them, materials dont matter, its the life, prosperity of the relationship that matters. It just doesnt want to go away, I know I cant force it to go away, I feel what I feel but it is truely painful, entirely encompassing and a heck of a force. where to go from here i dont know. I have tried loving someone else with no merit, not even a touch on what I know love to be. Time i guess, time.

    ashley
    I'm glad you don't have to do that at Universities, I can just leave when I'm feeling sad or whatnot. Otherwise, I would definitely be showing up with one right about now haha.
    I have gone through physical heartbreak (like the one you mentioned) almost every day for four months from October 2008 to January 2009 at the age of 20. I was (and am) completely healthy; I was a runner. Whenever it happened, I would think to myself, "My god, heartbreak is really literal." And now I know what was going on. I'm still not over him, even though the physical pain subsided.

    As crazy as it sounds I fell in love with a man who was 12 years older than me when I was just a teenager. When he ended it very painfully (because I was too young) I thought I would feel that way again, life would go on and I would find someone else. There are really no words that can express how much this loss devastated my life. It is now 26 years later. I am married to someone else with 2 young kids. The older man has been in and out of my life over the years and the feeling for him has never gone away. This person had a near fatal heart attack in Feb of 2011. I never knew something could hurt so bad for so many years. I have cried every waking hour since Feb. overwhelmed by regret from everything I have missed out on with him. And complete utter pain over the fact that he does not have a lot of time left. He is still alive but, it feels like I am already grieving for all the things that never were. Regret has to be the most horrible emotion.

    Gerhard Adam
    That's incredibly selfish and self-indulgent.  Your crying "every waking hour", while there's a man and two young children in your life that you are basically lying to.  You need to get your head screwed on straight.
    Mundus vult decipi
    Oh no, no, no. You are mistaken. I have been very honest with my husband all along. He even knew how I felt about this person before we were married. It was a decision made with the best interest of our kids that we stayed together. My head is very together. I have a masters psych degree, have very smart, well adjusted kids and a comfortable life. It still does not keep you from being in love with someone else and all the hurt and regret over things that should have been done differently. Love that feels like that only comes along once in a blue moon. Its the stuff songs are written about. Sometimes the timing is just wrong. Thanks for understanding.

    Gerhard Adam
    Sorry, but there is nothing "together" about a dysfunctional co-dependent relationship based on obsessing over an individual for 26 years.  You can go on about "love" or "songs", but that's just rubbish to rationalize an aberrant obsession with an individual that doesn't want to be with you.  It's what makes people become stalkers, so while you are certainly free to indulge yourself to whatever degree you like, with a masters in psyche, you should know better than to excuse it.

    Even the point about "things that should have been done differently" is a ridiculous assertion, since they easily could have been, but it is obvious that neither one of you had the patience to wait a few years and be together, which indicates that this isn't nearly as idyllic a scenario as you're portraying it.  I don't know what your personal situation is, and I certainly don't know why your husband agreed to such an arrangement, but it is certain that your children were never given the opportunity to make such a choice.  So while you may think that everything is quite normal and they are well-adjusted, I can assure you that if you're crying every day, that won't last very long.

    I maintain my original position.  Your choice is obsessive, abnormal and self-indulgent.
    Mundus vult decipi
    you are a f****** idiot gerhard.

    Gerhard Adam
    Obviously, if I don't buy into the idea that everyone that wants to indulge themselves in obsessive behavior is acting perfectly normal and that no one should ever have to deal with disappointment. Yes, by all means, lets indulge people so that after decades they still can't deal with their feelings and come to terms with reality. That will really help. So, despite your obviously limited vocabulary, perhaps you'd be so kind as to indicate what the desired response should be. Perhaps in your infinite wisdom you can articulate why it is appropriate to desire someone that has no interest in you (especially after several decades). Perhaps you can articulate why its appropriate to force other people to tolerate your indulgences and have to deal with their own feelings of inadequacy because you've subjected them to your selfishness rather than granting them priority in your life. I'm interested in how all this wisdom should be manifest. Please .... do tell.
    Mundus vult decipi
    I have tried to hold my tongue, since you are obviously so great and superior to everyone else. The older man being discussed here is very much as in love as I am. It has been matters of inheritance and long term illness that has kept us from ever getting married. It hurts like hell that sometimes you run out of time to figure out how to get it together and make it work with each other. It isnt selfish indulgence on anybodys part. It is life and how fast it flies by. Perhaps Hank, you might want to think twice before you criticize anyone who is already hurting inside. May make you feel smarmy and superior but it makes the world as a whole, less easy to live in.

    Gerhard Adam
    Don't know why you're blaming Hank for any of this, but ....

    I don't know if you're the same individual that posted previously, so I'm not sure how to respond.  If you are the same individual, then let's stop with the "we've been in love the whole time" crap.  You're married to someone else with two children of your own. 

    It isn't a matter of feeling superior, it's a matter of doing what's right.  So, if you are the same individual that posted earlier, just consider that your husband and children have had to put up with your self-indulgent bullshit, because you haven't deemed them important enough to focus your attention on, since you're too busy indulging a fantasy.
    Mundus vult decipi
    Yes, my theory is confirmed. You are truly an idiot. Believe what you will. The situation is very complicated, obviously way too complicated for you. Any idiot that takes a picture with a cowboy hat on has to be a redneck, right wing, arrogant d@#khead. I will have nothing further to say to you.

    Gerhard Adam
    Of course ... self-indulgence is always preferable to being able to articulate a position.  After all, "it's complicated" is always a good stand-by excuse when you have no other.

    Stop playing the hapless victim and take some responsibility for your choices.  There's nothing more annoying than someone that makes a choice and then whines about it for the rest of their lives.

    I do find it interesting that those with no argument invariably find it hilarious to posit all manner of ideas regarding a cowboy hat.  How pathetic can you get?  However, it does tend to lend me more credibility when it comes to recognizing horseshit when I see it.
    Mundus vult decipi
    Wow Gerhard, why do you insist on writing long post after wrong post arguing with her telling her how wrong she is when:

    A. Her loved ones all know about it and accept that it's just how things are
    B. She, and her loved ones know the situation far better than you do
    C. She CAN'T control how she feels, if she's crying everyday than obviously she's feeling very sad which I'm sure she would love to "get over" if it was that easy!

    You're calling someone else pathetic...how ironic. Why don't you just drop it, and accept that your opinion wasn't accepted by the person who is actually in the situation? Why do you care? Why do you feel the need to get the final word? I'll bet any amount of money, if you read this, you'll make another post, because you're one of those guys that NEEDS to have the final word and will never just drop it. Talk about pathetic...leave the woman alone. You had your say, now go away...go ahead and respond to me if you must protect your ego, but I won't be reading it as I'm on here for a one time read only.

    Gerhard Adam
    My response has nothing to do with ego and everything to do with letting stupid comments go unanswered.
    Her loved ones all know about it and accept that it's just how things are
    I'm sure the irony has escaped you in how her loved ones "accept that it's just how things are", while you're excusing her behavior for the exact opposite reason.  Talk about convoluted logic.

    Perhaps you'd care to answer what her response should be if her loved ones didn't accept it?  Would that be enough to convince you?  Perhaps just having the respect for other people that they don't deserve to be treated as if they simply have to "accept that it's just how things are"?

    It's bullshit and it remains bullshit.  It's the typical attitude of where no one else should draw attention to how self-centered such behavior is and everyone should just accommodate it because "they can't control it".  Well, then they shouldn't drag others into it.  That would be the responsible and respectful thing to do.
    ...because you're one of those guys that NEEDS to have the final word and will never just drop it.
    ... and that's just a feeble attempt at a preemptive strike to avoid getting called on your irrational position. 
    Mundus vult decipi
    Gerhard, despite all the people attacking you for your logical positions and intelligent responses, I find you SPOT on in a world full of excuses for selfish behaviour. Ive had my heart broken, its broken now. It takes years to get over sometimes yes, but don't subject another relationship to your heartbreak over the past. Hopefully you will grow something new with the new person, instead of bringing carcasses of old love and the smell of death and rot into a brand new relationship. Its just inviting bacteria and rot into your new one. Everyone else has to accept the way life "is" due to the actions of the selfish person, except the selfish person. ha! Childish.

    ive been broken hearted for over a year AND STILL i have to agree with gerhard adam. he could have put it more delicately but its true.
    i will say this tho..yes, the love for your kids may be of a different type (not less) than the love for a spouse. but try to fill your void with your children. you should feel blessed that a part of you is living on. fill the void with your kids and maybe someone else you truly love might come along. youre carrying a heartbreak from your past. thats whats preventing you from feeling love

    Saint Gerhard NEVER puts things delicately. But he's often the voice of common sense. Hear him :)
     
    And as for your experience, don't go by the calendar! Contrary to the knee-jerk assumptions of some here, I am not hard-hearted and have had to deal with the deep gut wrenching despair of losing someone I loved.

    No, I'm not saying it's bigger or worse. I fully appreciate that someone walking out on you creates a dimension of betrayal and anger which can be more painful than mere bereavement, but having someone to blame can also be cathartic. Let those who value such things play their games of "my pain is bigger than your pain", I want none of it.

    There's only one way to go on and that is to take one day at a time. If it sucks it sucks, it's just another step on. But a year is no time at all. Movies tell us we should be over a breakup in five weeks, medics and councellors have a strict timetable for bereavement - stages of grief they call it. Bullshit. We are all different. I still get waves ten years on and trust me, I'm not wallowing in anything. If you pick yourself up in a week or if it takes many years, so be it, play the hand you were dealt. But play to win.

    Just one thing. Please don't even think in terms of "filling the void"! That credits it with a power that it simply hasn't got.  Love your kids to bits - oh yes - but love them for their own sake as any father should.
     
    Okay. Touchy-feely episode is now over! :)
    Oh, my gosh, I was feeling comforted by reading all the posts. Until I got to the one that said "once in a blue moon". We were married on 12/31/09, a blue moon! Isn't it surprising how few seem to understand what this feels like and why it's so hard to let go. Most just say, "oh, he's an A----hole" and they are thinking "short marriage, move on!". OMG, everyone commented on our love and his love for me in particular. He IS horrible now, as if a switch was thrown.

    Regret doesn't come close to how I feel about my courses of action the last couple of months and the last couple of days in particular. I certainly did not think at the time that it would lead to the end of my marriage and relationship. I still, and likely always will, no matter how many times the psychologist I am seeing tries to tell me, that the way he is acting now is not his true self.

    But, doesn't change the fact that this is horrible. I can't imagine any worse pain, other than losing a child. This may have been the first time I truly loved someone (1st marriage at 51) and believed that "at last, my love had arrived". After 8 months, I still go back to the first stage of "shock".

    Sure, I've had breakups that took a bit to get over, but way different when it's a marriage...

    .I went to the hospital this summer with heart attach symptoms, which the ruled out, but wanted me to stay for more tests (I didn't). I don't think anyone at the hospital knew about the chemical effects on the heart with "heartache"...although they knew my situation. My blood pressure also skyrocketed, but have been treating with nutricuticals (sp?) and have it to normal! (Read book, No More Heart Disease, by Louis Ignarro and followed his advice on stimulating nitric oxide production)

    8 months -- when does this end? wow.

    I've read all these posts and were touched by finding people who are also expeireincing emotional pain on a physical level.

    It the seventh year after my engagement break up-27 days before the actual wedding. My heart still aches at times so severely that I can hardly believe it. I've started to wonder whether I'll ever be painfree again.

    The post was rather dramatic, but your comment was "incredibly" judgmental and RUDE, Ger"hard."

    Actually, Gerhard was spot on. Please do not shoot the messenger just because you don't like the cold, hard truth.

    @Anonymous (not verified) | 11/23/11 | 14:39 PM: Getting married to someone (and having children with him!) while pining for someone else is cruel, manipulative and immature. Can't possibly fathom why anyone would go along with this and settle for a totally sham marriage: afraid to be alone? gay? for appearances? money? It's totally irresponsible towards the children, because sooner or later they will realise that mom does not really love dad and this will shake their basic sense of security to the core. How about you pull your head out of your rectum and start taking responsibility for your actions.

    To the several people who have been so critical of my posting this message. A few things perhaps you might note. I have loved the older man in my life since I was a teenager. IT DID NOT AFFECT MY LIFE LIKE THIS UNTIL HE ALMOST DIED LAST YEAR. My marriage was never a sham and I can assure you that I am not gay nor afraid to be alone. Since I have known the older gentleman, there were several times we tried to make it work BEFORE I GOT MARRIED. First time, I went off to college in Europe. Second time we found out he wasnt able to have kids, third time there were severe health problems. It had nothing to do with it being a one sided relationship. My husband always knew I cared a lot for this man. I have always been honest about this. It did not affect me until HE ALMOST DIED, then suddenly there is this horrible sinking feeling that there are no more chances left. I am very glad that you have never had a situation where there is more than one important person in your life. No one is perfect and we all try to do the best we can. BTW, you just happen to send your vitriol on the day that my only parent has been given hours to live and is fighting for his life right now. Thank you for your kindness and understanding. I truly needed criticism from someone who has all the answers.

    Gerhard Adam
    you just happen to send your vitriol on the day that my only parent has been given hours to live and is fighting for his life right now. Thank you for your kindness and understanding.
    What exactly is your problem?  Do you expect people to be mindreaders?  If you have an emotional issue, then don't post comments if you don't want responses.  No one has set out to hurt you, but they have responded according to the information YOU have provided and the responses YOU have made.

    So spare me this cheap shot at trying to make people feel guilty for the events in your life.  No one here is responsible for you current situation, and we are certainly not responsible nor reveling in the knowledge that someone close to you is dying.  Get over yourself.
    Mundus vult decipi
    You are truly the bigget shit head Ive never met. You condescending prick! Im so sorry to disappoint you by not posting an update on my fathers health before you had a chance to reply. Do I expect you to be a mindreader. Fuck You. You are a judgemental prick. There are some places you dont go you asshole. I hope you deal with hurt in your life as well as you think everyone should when your heart breaks or when someone you love dies in front of you. You are an utter asshole. I know it may seem like a novel idea but perhaps you shouldnt judge so hastily when it is you who doesnt understand the whole situation. Why did I or anyone else for that matter post their story here. Sympathy no, advice from people who have been there yes. You are not that, you are an idiot. I truly hope your world is turned upside down and there is no one there for you except some condescending ass to insult you. Karma is a bitch you jerk!

    Gerhard Adam
    You're the one that keeps insisting on posting your comments and expecting everyone to second-guess whatever emotions you may be feeling.  You're the one that is attempting to make people feel guilt at your situation [simply because you're expecting them to somehow temper their discussion based on your emotional state].

    Call me whatever names make you feel better.  However, your comments and attitude speak far more to the type of person you actually are, than the person you think you're portraying.  It would appear that my initial assessment is correct. You're self-indulgent and can't tolerate anyone that doesn't join your pity-party.
    Sympathy no, advice from people who have been there yes. You are not that, you are an idiot
    Ah yes ... and now who's being judgmental?  You know far less about me and yet feel quite comfortable making your judgments. 
    Mundus vult decipi
    "Get over yourself."

    Gee, it sure is getting contradicting around here.

    Gerhard Adam
    Perhaps, but let's remember this is Science 2.0, not Dear Abby.
    Mundus vult decipi
    my heart hurts so bad.
    more physical then anything.
    I'm CONSTANTLY crying.
    my body will go through about 5 minute intervals where i am happy and seem just fine, but then BOOM the pain comes back just like that.
    I understand time heals everything, but this pain I'm experiencing is unbearable in someways.

    this article really helped though.
    thanks for writing it.

    I can totally relate to your feeling. I believe it takes about 6 weeks to feel somewhat normal again, or at least see a light at the end of this dark tunnel. What I found that helped me the most is writing. Yes, just plain writing. I just opened up a fresh text page and began writing all my feelings.. the more I wrote, the more I wanted to write... I was able to come back to the page of text and read what I wrote and it helped me out the most. I am just finishing week one, of my hearbreak... cause by the same woman.. yes.. after I healed the last time.. a year ago... she wanted to try it again, and I said yes... so .... here we go again.. as now she has left me again.. good luck, keep your chin up.. I GUARANTEE it will pass.

    I know what you mean. I have had this for more than two years. It is pure torture. No one believes me and psychotherapy helps a little, But it is a long slow process.

    It is terrible to be in pain and the people around you and close to you have no idea. I'm still hanging in there waiting for it to end.

    I hope you have recovered by now.

    I feel your pain...literally. I barely make it through each day without crying, often get to my car after work and breakdown before I can drive home. I'm a normally bubbly person to smiles and laughs with ease, however when a brieft moment of happy comes along it crashes into a million pieces of grief and the cycle starts again. I had hoped with each day it would get easier, but so far each day only makes the pain intense as the reality of life without the man I loves becomes more clear.

    I don't wish this kind of pain not even to my worst enemy. I have ended up in a hospital while in China because of a broken heart. Just this constant, constant chest pain that never goes away. Even for that hour or hour and a half of sleep that I get during the night, when I cry myself to sleep, even then the pain doesn't go away.

    ya im that teenager that would bring in the note, but im expierencing chest pain, ear ache, stomach ache, migrain, im cold all the time, and i cant stop crying, ever.......i will cry for 4 and half hours, and be happy for 3 minutes, and the cycle repeats. so if u have any scientific opnions that please e-mail me at Kiro_Kaguya@yahoo.com....and did i mention?.....i still love her.....nice article btw

    i am 20years old and going through this for the first time. it hurts sooo bad. i dont know how any one could deal with this pain. i even realize that i am going through all of the stages mentioned in the article. I am attending a university and when it happened on a sunday i had a really big presentation due on the monday.. so after crying myself to sleep i woke up and cried the entire drive to the campus. after getting to school (wearing pjs and a cap) i did my presentation horribly. i just cant get through one day without crying. I have always been someone to think heartbreak is just a silly girl thing and if you are smart you could avoid this pain. well it is not true. it really does happne and when it happens it hurts. it hurts really bad.

    yeah it hurts a lot ...im goin through same phase right now.....i think u r already recovered by now :) i want to b happy again and be with someone again and live again not just stay in room and kep on thinkin about a guy who doesnt even realizes my pain...I want to live happy again...I want to study well and not thinking of taking a semester off just because of some person...I need some one whom I can be really close to...Someone who can take me out of this pain...I am so much hurt !!!!!!!!!

    i just stumbled on this page... me and my bf of over 3 years broke up in the beginning of this month out of nowhere and ive been a mess... lately ive been a little better, but only when i have something to do... otherwise im home alone, usually looking at sites like this one lol.... but i have to keep myself busy or i think about all these things and i get upset... with all the holidays coming up and then my graduation and my bday it just makes everything worse... i keep hoping he comes back... but i haven't even heard from him since a week after... which i and other people think is ridiculous... im giving myself to my bday/valentines day and then i think im going to start getting myself out on the market again, bc i cant wait forever... everyone keeps telling me how couples break up around this age (im 23 now) or around this time in a relationship and they get back together after a few months.. but i don't know, and there r just so many opportunities for him to come back by valentines day so we will see... i hope there's hope for everyone out there.. im so tired of feeling like crap and having my thoughts racing and faking a smile all the time... im sure everyone knows what i mean... this pain will never fully go away..

    ashley
    I think we all have a good understanding on what you're feeling, and it's hard for me to follow my own advice at times like these, but it's really best if you move on. Trust me I've been doing the same thing, waiting and hoping they will show up and sweep you off your feet like in the movies, but sometimes you have to face reality. You're at a time in your life where so much change is going to happen, and if you continue to surround yourself with people of good quality, it will be easier to move on.
    my gf and i were madly in love, her ex is the father of her 4yr. old daughter. he was a terrible individual, but he developed cancer that is rapidly taking his life. she sacrificed our love to attempt to save his life by marrying him and give him a reason to fight for life. he has made her life hell and she admits she made a mistake but feels like her beds been made and she must lay in it. we love each other but im not sure we can ever be together again and that kills me!

    Gerhard Adam

    I agree that it is important to grieve and take the time to heal from whatever is hurting you.  However, I also think its important to be clear about what you're really feeling. 

    "im giving myself to my bday/valentines day and then i think im going to start getting myself out on the market again, bc i cant wait forever"

    Statements like this concern me because it doesn't sound as much like grief as it does having plans or expectations twarted.  While I don't know what you're really experiencing nor the circumstances surrounding it, I would be cautious about putting pressure on yourself to achieve results instead of taking the time to absorb what is happening to you.

    When you're young it's often hard to see that it may not be the relationship we miss as much as it is the comfortable routines and predictability we had established. 

    Mundus vult decipi
    Dear Gerhard, Your black/white, right/wrong, aggressive comments have zero place on a blog about matters of the heart. Also, no one seems to value your bizarre, overtly hostile and judgmental interjection. Since you appear primed for bloodsport, you might fare better offering advice to aspiring serial killers or those favoring euthanasia for stray puppies. Why not wander over there?

    Veronica, please. Is it really this hard for people on this site to respect the opinions and views of others? Do you really have to resort to name-calling and such? Really?

    Personally, I think Gerard has several very valid points and sound arguments. You might find them if you actually read what he wrote instead of throwing a tantrum.

    I love you for wirting this article, even in the worst times, in some strange way it feels good reading it and recognise my own state of mind & feelings in this text.. and have them explained a bit. thank you!

    I feel the same shitty way right now. And when i think about it my chest just starts to throb and i feel the intensity all over again. Like someone previously said I wouldnt wish this type of pain on anyone not even my worst enemy because when you're in it it feels like IT WILL NEVER BE OVER. it just drags on and on and on and on in your own world of misery and sorrow that no1 can really ever truly grasp and you're in it alone. fuckk

    Nicole4395
    I really enjoyed reading this blog! I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions for my interview source for a paper..
    ashley
    Thanks guys for the great cooments and feedback! The only way to move on from any type of hardship is to accept that life moves on haha. Life is supposed to be fun! Dont let anyone change who you are and what you plan on doing in life, thats my last piece of advice.

    Nicole, feel free to email me at ashley at scientificblogging.com

    Thanks!
    Well I'm in my mid 50s and this has just happened to me after a 3 yr relationship with a lovely girl a couple of yrs younger than me. It's not just for youngsters!

    The pain is nearly unbearable.

    I feel so let down - I really trusted her. And it's affecting my job. Gonna take a while to get over this, it's not easy.

    i feel you mate. i feel the same way right now. i left myself completely emotionally vulnerable. i did her wrong but i know what i did. i want to apologise but she wont even speak to me. i never cheated on her or anything but i didnt treat her as well as i should have and now shes gone. i miss her so bad. i've missed uni for 4 days cause i dont feel like going out

    I have recently split with my girlfriend of 18 months. Also due to me not treating her very good, I would make comments about what she wore, and really took her for granted. She finished with me 8 days ago and I've barely eaten anything, I've had no sleep, and I've had the worst sickness and heartbreak feeling ever. It's strange because I thought we understood each other, and I really couldn't see this coming. Every time I go to sleep I have dreams about her laying next to me, or that everything is fine. I love and miss her and would do anything to get her back, but I know I can't,
    hang in there everyone, it hurts so bad. It's awful, but it will be okay - even though I want it to be okay with her!

    It's been almost a year for you -- how are you feeling today? i was just brutally dumped -- no forewarning -- by my bf of 14 years; we are in our 50's also. This is my first truly broken heart and I think I'm never getting over this one. Is there really any hope?

    I am going through the first time too. I have never felt this much pain in my entire life-- it is absolutely draining. I no longer find interest in life anymore, or want to continue living. I've already been a victim of abuse, and he was the only reason I had faith in humanity anymore-- until he ended our 18 month relationship out of nowhere. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because part of me wants to continue living, foolishly. I probably will end up ending my life anyway.

    He was everything I ever wanted, and he ended it out of nowhere. Every day is a struggle. I can't sleep-- every single dream I have is about him. I feel cheated that no one ever told me that heartbreak was this horrible, this unbearable. Why would I ever want to continue on with the knowledge that I have to experience this again? That no matter what, when I fall in love again, I will end up feeling this hurt?

    I don't hate him, I just hate myself. I've already tried everything-- working out, writing, going out with friends, hooking up with other guys. The emptiness continues on and on, and eats away at my insides like a poison. I honestly can't take it anymore; I just want the pain to stop.

    I truly undstand what u r going thru. I am just from there and it really HURTS. But please don't kill yourself. At times things are just never meant to be. Keep urself safe 4 yourself. They happen. Think about me. I dated this girl for three years and we had started even talking about marriage. I loved her with all my heart. I did everything for her and evern paid for her college fees for her parents had literally given her to be my wife. I suspected her with this guy but she always denied it profusely until I literally found them naked on bed. Imagine this image. Its rather one decided to leave you. What of finding her on bed, and this is where she tells you she did not love you from before, she was taking you for a ride all this time, think of wasted years. this is it. It feels hell. But all in all, I thank God for He knows best.

    To every one on this subject,
    all to well I know this experience! I have gone through it soo , soo many times. I was married at 21 my 18 at the time and a new born.she was very good looking and smart and a good mother. Well 9 years and one more child later...... She left me. We were together about 2 years before we got married.she left me with the kids and the house and empty bank acount. Yes I was heartbroken. At that time I was having panic attacks from fealling abandond.first I was in big time denile. I learned that acceptance was the first step to healing.I read a lot and worked out just as much.I felt better about myself doing these things. Yes and I got back to dating. At the time it seemed that I waited for ever but it was only from June till September.after a few I got into another relationship. It was a young and attractive even more than my ex wife. 1 year later It happened again! The break up and the heartbreak.! This time it was cause I was the one that called it off. I felt that the loyalty was not there. I guess it was a sixth sense cause I was right. I went into depresion and was not able to be intemate in the bedroom. Eventually I got over it in time. I was going through ruffed times this round cause I lost my house and was sleeping in an suv with my two kids. This passed and so did the heartbreak. 4 years later in the present I'm dealing with the heartbreak again! This is with some one new. She lived with me and my kids and eventually her kids lived here too. I kicked her though because she went M.I.A on new years eve. We can not be expected to put up with some one that doesn't value our emotions. I advise to not put up with peoples bullshit! I am hurt that I had to go to such extremes but better to suffer a lilbit now than suffer a lot for a long period. I would have like things to work out and told her to come back but she refused and I accept that it's done. I feallingabandond the aches and sleepless nights. I think about who she is with and what she is doing and I have ran into her a few times but it's just better to let go.I guess you gotta let a hoe be a hoe you can't make a hoe a house wife. The last time I saw her she told me she was married to a marine while she was living with me and that he was in north Carolina. I guess when he gets back she has some explaining to do cause she got my name tattood real big on her left front shoulder. Still I'm sad cause it makes no sense. Time heals all wounds.

    I'm in this situation now. Very very complicated situation. I ended something and there's no going back. I've had heartbreak before, maybe because I'm over the previous experiences I cant remember if they were worse than this one. Needless to say I'm having to remember the past and how I got over them as reference for the here and now.

    I was involved with a wonderful guy, but also with that he had ADHD and it was all consuming. As soon as we met it was like a hurricane of excitement and new possibilties. I opened myself up more than I have with anyone else in the past and gave my whole heart.

    We had to move countries and it went downhill. Arguing and uncertainty. Confusion and rejection. I made the call after not thinking it out, however I'd felt disatisfied for a while. Was it him making me feel this way or me? Nonetheless the feeling was there and real. I felt misunderstood and not myself anymore. I came back home for a brief period and called an end to it. In doing so I felt relief, then a couple of days later deep regret and realised there was no turning back.

    It's now a hideous feeling every waking moment, but every now and then I have a mini breakthrough and think - I dont wanna feel like a victim to this feeling I gotta make some plans. Its still hard to peel myself off the sofa thinking about that person so much and feeling my heart leaping and my stomach churning.

    The only thing I can do is think what have I put on hold and what was holding me back - if I felt this misunderstood then would I end up stifling my dreams to fit in with the other person's life. Most probably. I dont expect everyone to understand me who I meet but I dont want my ambition crushed. Sometimes you have to stop thinking WE and what you're missing and selfishly think ME. Me has to come first more often than most. If you gave things a good shot then dont blame yourself for everything that has happened. If you were a total loser to the other person then feel the rejection, its time to reflect on yourself and unearth those problem areas and work on em dont drown in bad thoughts.

    Its so hard to write this stuff as I'm still very raw and suffering but hell, its life, its never easy. But its never worth giving up.

    Go for long walks, even thought you cant leave your head and heart at home, its worth giving yourself some air. Look at things around you and distract yourself even for 2 mins. Those 2 mins of not thinking about the other person will give you some hope. Those 2 mins will expand over time and you will see it as a great relief that you can focus on other things. Rememeber we walked into this world on our own and we gather people along the way, but we're all survivors.

    heartbreak.. a single word with so much of depth. the more i try to stand up, the more i drown. i've been in this relation which has seen everything . it lasted for 7 yreas. i tot it wud culminate into marriagr. but just that wen we r supposed to get married around this october, this heartbreak was supposed to occur. i dnt want to play blame games here. it might have been both our mistake. i just wished he had understood me more. i know as much as i hurt today, he too is hurting. life is t o move on, we r moving on , but still there are his footsteps on every path i tread. every breath i take i can sense him. and it is not out of music. i am trying hard. losing my lover ,best friend, fiance. he just missed 3 things. husband, father, grandfather. i wish there was sme way to make it happen. but the truth is we r too different even if we love each other we wud fight again.
    my heartbreak is trying to break me, and i am trying not to break. dnt know till when. but i know i wud always love the only man i have known to love me even if we dnt belong together.

    i am sorry if this offends people, but do you find reading the article and comments here therapeutic. i feel that way. i dont know if i should feel ashamed about the fact that i seek solace in other people's misery. i guess knowing there are others out there who are going through the same emotions helps create a sense of bonding.

    i had a gf for 6 years starting from college. just when we both got jobs and came to the same city and when i knew that we would get married during the year, she told me she was in love with someone else and the only thing she felt for me was a sense of commitment. love from her end was over. at various times i thought of ending it all by killing myself , but i was too scared of the doing it. i then started counting all the good things in my life and why i shouldnt think of killing myself. nice family, hordes of relatives, lots of friends. i then told myself that if i killed myself, i will be bringing about the same kind of depression and misery on my parents and brothers and i must not do it. fact is i was just looking for excuses since i was shit scared to kill myslef. anyways i passed through that phase but life continued to be miserable for months on end. i sought solace in a friend and poured my heart out to her. every time i felt depressed and felt i could not go on any longer, i would write her long mails describing my agony. she would respond and try to help out the best she could with her mails. those mails would brighten up my day somewhat and i would feel good for atleast a while, but all along i knew that the next bout of depression was just round the corner. and so it continued for a while. gradually with time, the pain decreased, and finally my office sent me overseas trip. this was my foreign trip and the excitement helped me recover fully. ie when i realised i was excited about the trip, i realised that i had indeed turned a corner and was looking forward to things in life. its now been 5 years since we broke up. i recently came to know she got married and it dint hurt me. i know that i am totally totally over it. in fact i think i was over it once i came out of the depression.
    ever since then , i am scared that i might someday face depression again, andf i just keep hoping that it doesnt happen again.
    recently i met a girl, we hit it off great and it did not take me long to realise that i was falling head over heels for her.
    i also knew that that wasnt the case with her probably because she herself was just coming out of a heartbreak. i knew i was getting into an emotionally messy situation but i could not stop myslef. for that mater even she was equally responsive. so three months down the line i popped the question but she says she is undecided. its been 3 weeks since then and i have realised that it was her polite way of saying no. the reason i popped the question so ealry was i knew i had fallen, and i knew if i continued this way i would have fallen so bad that recovery would have been as painful as it was the last time. however i have realised that once you have fallen for someone, it doesnt matter how long/short the relationship was, it just pains as bad. i mean i just am not able to get her out of my mind. and we have been talking only for 3 months and met just once. yest its been a long distance one. and at no point of time did she ever indicate that she was thinking of this developing into something serious. ie it was just one way all along and yet i stand heart broken. it is painful. but writing everything out does make me feel beter. for how long i dont know.

    Becky Jungbauer
    i dont know if i should feel ashamed about the fact that i seek solace in other people's misery. i guess knowing there are others out there who are going through the same emotions helps create a sense of bonding.
    Don't feel ashamed - it's hard enough to go through something like this, but if you feel like you're the only one it's even worse. Knowing others are going through it helps, as does knowing that others have gotten through it - there is a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dim. It's hard to believe it when you're mired in pain, but you will get through it.
    I agree with Becky. I went through a second divorce last October, and believe me when I say my heart is broken. I have feelings of betrayal of trust, abandonment, at times even hatred and rage and severe depressive episodes.

    It takes time to recover from such a devastating emotional trauma. But there is no shame in feeling what is necessary and avoidable. This is a part of who and what we are as human beings.
    Your post actually helped me. I too just met a girl online and it we were together for about 3 months (did the whole webcam thing and everything). I was preparing my life for a full blown move to where she lived so we could finally be together (like working overtime and just creating a huge pocket of cash for the transition). During the last month of our relationship she started distancing herself from me, like talking to me less and talking to some other guy friends more and more. It got to the point where I had to ask her what was going on. And she pretty much dumped me without any real reason (I'm sure there was one). I'm 23 and this is the first time I've felt heartbreak. Even now it's been over a month since this has happened and I still cant get her out of my head, still cry for her when I'm alone, still dreaming about her often. What a terrible experience. I know this article says that we'll change for the better but I cant help but feel bitterness, hopelessness, and absolute loneliness, my outward view on life is completely different now. I don't feel happy or cheery at all and that makes it almost impossible to approach other women, I harbor a deep distaste for everything in this world and why people have to so selfishly not consider others feelings. All ranting aside... I just wanted to say that it really helped to see that love is still love over the internet, and that heartbreak feels just as bad online.

    For the guy who 'fell in love over the internet' ... do a search on internet scams ... there is lots of information on people who know what they are doing and trap people into 'relationships' in order to extract money from them, ... eg for a trip to visit them , and they get the victim to send them the money, then come up with some excuse why they cant visit... so if she (it might not even be a female at the other side) ever asked you for money then you know it was a scam.. and this might help releave the pain somewhat... its def worth doing a search on this not often mentioned internet scamming method..

    DK

    Gerhard Adam
    You don't need to do any research.  If someone you've never met is asking for money, then something is wrong.  Nothing more sophisticated than that.  Even if one wanted to rationalize how such a request might be legitimate, you'd need to seriously question the motivation of the other individual regarding a relationship.  Are they driven by emotion or economics?

    As for the internet .... emotional relationships will definitely form, but what makes it more problematic, is that it becomes easier to indulge in a "fantasy" form of the relationship rather than seriously evaluating it on its own merits.  As a result, it becomes easier to fall in love with the idea of falling in love with an idealized person which can make managing such a relationship much more difficult.
    Mundus vult decipi
    I learned this first hand. Fell in love with someone I met online (he was the initiator), he felt like the one I'd been looking for all my life. He said same about me. We talked on phone every day for months. We were in touch digitally throughout the day. I have never felt more loved in my life. Then we met, spent several wonderful weeks together and all appeared to go well, our only challenge was how to find a way to live together, and in what city etc., but we would figure that out eventually.. He said he wanted to make a life with me. I wanted to make a life with him. Between visits we maintained frequent contact. We were so close, shared everything, supported each other through our various challenges. First person I greeted online in the morning, last person I talked to at night. The crux was that we were over a thousand miles apart. The next visit a couple of months later ended disastrously. I think that he was more in love with the idea of being in love but being the independent and somewhat older soul that he is, didn't have the emotional flexibility to actually tolerate someone up close and personal in their life on a day to day basis, and he finally lost that battle during my last visit. It's like he turned on a dime to wanting the relationship to be over, over something very small. It was a nightmare I would not wish on anyone. Stuck in a city far from home, dreams shattered, heart broken his refusing to see me even once before I left. This happened only a few weeks ago and the depth of my grief is, well, bottomless, or so it seems at this point. Very raw. The loss feels huge, I miss him so much. We have since communicated and it's become clear that this is an issue he was more aware of than he let on, the inability to let people too close into his life. Had I known in advance of course things would probably have been quite different. But I guess he thought he could transcend it for me and did not raise it as a potential problem.
    All I can say about long distance and online relationships is not to rule them out, but do proceed with extreme caution. Only when you're up close and personal and in each other's space dealing with the day to day vicissitudes do you get a full picture of whether the relationship can be real and healthy.

    I think the pain can be the same no matter how long the relationship (at least for me). I was in a 2 year long relationship where he suddenly dumped me because he had cheated (thank God I didn't know that was the reason at the time). I never thought I'd get over it, but I did. Just this Sunday I was dumped by my boyfriend of 4 months (because he too cheated, just not physically - he doesn't see as cheating) and the pain is just as bad. There was no warning. Everything seemed to be fine. My heart is broken. I opened up more to him than I had in any previous relationship. I feel like I can't trust any man again, relationship-wise. I know I will get over it, just like I did last time. I'm just praying I don't run into him anywhere. It seems so unfair that he gets to happily move on while I sit & suffer. I try to remind myself of everything I have to be grateful for, and sometimes it helps. Other times I just have to cry & let it all out. I wish the best for everyone here, no matter what the circumstance. It's a horrible feeling.

    Thank you so much for writing this article. I just broke up with my first love, and am experiancing real heart break for the first time, and this article made it much easier to deal with. I know eventually I will see the light at the end of the tunnell... I just hope that it comes fast!
    thanks again ...

    This article is great...

    I dumped my boyfriend after finding out he was posting half naked photos of himself online on adult websites. The pain is so real... I could have never imagined the pain would be this deep and real. I received an email from him yesterday stating that I should be over this whole heartbreak thing since I had my mind made up about ending the relationship, but it was never an easy choice. I feel as if someone close to me died... At first I would burst out into tears out of nowhere and I couldn't explain it to myself or anyone... It would happen while I was driving or while I was studying late at night and BOOM! in an instant I was fine. Now I don't even have the energy to get out of my house or talk to anyone and enjoy life. I know that one day I will be okay and all this will make me a better person, but until then all I can do is try to hold my head up high and learn to love again.

    This article has been insightful . However, I find the responses simply amazing. It always invokes a sense of fresh awe in me when I am poring over my own problems, crying about my own little world and the I see something like this. I see that the world is teeming with love - and heartbreaks. These words seem to go hand in hand, and I am just experiencing my first real heartbreak..and I realize I am wavering between phases and have a long way to go before I can stand tall with nobody beside me. One thing that I would suggest to everyone to ease any kind of pain is meditation. Just put on some beautiful calming music, sit in any comfortable position, quieten every thought and then think this ' I am finding happiness , I do not need x in my life to be happy, I am blessed with family and friends who really love me and bring me joy.' or any thought on a happy note. It may not work at first but it sure does in a short while. it really helped me. Reading these posts just now did help me in not doing something rash ! thank you everyone for sharing your experiences, it somehow makes me feel less alone in my pain.

    31 years of marriage and during stressful financial times (mid life crisis) he decides he is in love with his first cousin, leaves, and ceases communicating. Devastation doesn't begin to cover it. But, I have decided it is more like a person who committed suicide than a death. Death, though hard, is not personal. Suicide is more complex and we all question our role in it, even though it is ultimately about them, not us.

    It has been 8 months and it is certainly better than day one, but the physical and emotional pain is bringing me to my knees. I move forward physically and in life, but I am still severely depressed and in pain. Suicide has crossed my mind but always discarded because I refuse to hurt my children any more than they have already been hurt.

    Everyone has their solution for me, and people are sick and tired of my sadness. This article was helpful and interesting and I am sorry there is not more there in the way of mind manipulation that could help fast forward this s little bit.

    CZ

    I would like to say that it was a big argument that led us to break-up but the sad truth of the matter is that one day she just decided that she did not love me anymore. She said she has been unhappy for some time with me and of course I had no a single clue. There was never an opportunity on my side to improve or to try and change because she never told me of this. Sounds like a cliché but it was an out of the blue occurrence.
    Now I am left here trying to pick up the pieces and because of her decision I have to suffer for God knows how long. It feels unfair and I flit between getting angry and then incredibly sad.
    I am trying to take it a day at a time but sometimes when the hurt is exceptionally bad, it is a case of an hour each time. As we share the same circle of friends, I am also taking a backseat and I can feel myself withdrawing from the world.
    Friends tell me I am being too hard with myself and I should let time take its course but I am frustrated. It has only been three weeks but feels like a lifetime in purgatory. I wonder how long it will take until I am whole again.
    I know this is common and so many people have been through this, yet I cannot help but feel my brand of suffering is different which makes me feel so alone.

    Mine happened exactly like yours. I was dumped immediately after i found out she was dating someone else behind my back. When i finally got her to say why she did this, she said she was unhappy for a while and i had no chance to make things better. but not only do i not get to at least settle and think things through, I've been kicked out and have a few weeks to move. I couldn't believe that after 8 years it all ended like this. I see no end to this and this pain is terribly real and constant. And even with all the things she's put me through I'd do anything to have her back. I don't know if it's love or some warped case of co-dependence, but I miss her so damn much and just want her back.

    Same here. My live-in BF of two years seemed like the most affectionate, loyal and loving partner. We had so much fun and a great sex life. One day, i went to pick him up after work, and one of his colleagues came by the car and said, why do you pick him up each day, don't you realize he has another GF in the office? I was shocked. I just drove home and crawled under a blanket. When he came home, I just said I was ill. He crawled into bed and put his arms around me and held me.
    I still had doubts but wanted to know for sure. So, since he always used my computer, I installed a keylogger on the computer and watched his activity for a few weeks. Sure enough, he was emailing his GF - all sorts of messages, but very clear that they were conducting a full blown affair behind my back. And while I was out working to pay the bills! He even stole bits of my clothing and lingerie and took pictures of her in it and posted them online! Total weirdo. And living under my roof pretending to be Mr. Nice Guy.
    So, one day, I kissed him goodbye at the door in the morning. As soon as he left, I called a locksmith and had all the locks changed. Then I called him at work and asked him if he was fooling around. He denied it, then I told him I had read his messages. He got very angry, and said that I was dishonest to track his online stuff! So I said, too bad, you'd better go home with her then! He ended up moving into her one-bedroom tiny apartment, and I had all his shiznat delivered there. Oh, except for the good clothes that I bought for him - they went to charity. Let her dress him up because he never had any money to help ME with the rent.
    Now, the strange thing is, I'm the one left heartbroken and alone. Revenge seems to have brought very little comfort. I do feel that I stood by my principles, ie. no cheating, but how dare he waste 2 years of my life! I may spend the next few months or years alone, but better to be without that scumbag giving me god knows what STD's and eating my food. I hope she kicks him out.

    Gerhard Adam
    I don't mean to minimize your feelings in this, but (as with other posters as well), are you even looking at what is being written?
    ...he always used my computer...

    ...I was out working to pay the bills!

    ...stole bits of my clothing and lingerie

    ...living under my roof

    ...
    the good clothes that I bought for him

    ...
    he never had any money to help ME

    ...
    eating my food

    In addition we have:
    He ended up moving into her one-bedroom tiny apartment

    Let her dress him up

    I hope she kicks him out.
    OK ... I give up.  What is it that makes this guy anything but a parasite?  It simply seems like he's switched "hosts".  Now tell me again, what ever made him "Mr. Nice Guy"?

    It simply seems that many of these posts represent people that are in love with an idealized image rather than the "real" individual.  As a result, when a conflict occurs with the "real" person, they are still emotionally attached to the idealized image and can't let go. 
    Mundus vult decipi
    u said it..we are in live with an idealized individual. we have an image of the person that they are NOT...it's trying to get your head to make your heart understand...that's the hard part...

    ya know...we all think our story is the worse, saddest. then i read something like yours and realize, mine is nothing. how devastating to invest so much in sharing your home together. how can people be so heartless and cruel to people they claim to love?? I'll never understand.... my heart goes out to you. u will find better. don't fall into the pits of depression and self loathing like I have. just hang in there and your love will come. one that deserves you.... and appreciates you. that you love more than you thought you could love. hang in there.

    My wife walked out (drove off) while I was on an errand to Home Depot. After 45 years of marriage. I'm 67. Feel terrible.

    thx for the articles...it helps me...
    maybe i dont feel the same heartbreak as all of these people...
    i hope i can manage my heart and be the same person as i was months before i knew this guy...
    a guy that i really fall in love with...but he's not for me...and never will...
    what i did is...i pray to God to heal me from this wounded heart...and i hope He help me fast enough...
    if everybody can mend it...than i can too...
    he will be only in my memory....only in my past....and i forgive him and love him in a different way than before....
    my life goes on...and i will move on....the real love will come to by time....hopefully....

    I have been sad and depressed door the last 10 years of my life on and off. it is sad to say on and off because I have let a person determine how I feel. I am 23 yrs old and life with a cruel man who appreciates nothing I do. I have 0 self love. i do not know how i got to this place. i cant look after my son as i would like to sometimes because all i do is cry. i have so much anger and resentment inside. I know i am stupid and i just cant say i am done. i have tried but i really do feel lke i am dying. he just doest care for me and takes advantage of my stupidity. i have started to get twitching on the left side of my face. it all goes to one side i loose movement to my left side. i get seizures pass out. i am stuck on stupid how can i continue to allow this to happen to me? how do i move on please i need help! its me not him i need help. I have no respect for my self at this point I have allowed every kind of wrong to fly over my head. I have lashed out in anger and made stupid mistakes but this is not love. How do I stop it?

    I hope you read this, and I hope you've moved on by now, but if not, you should really seek out help and distance yourself from this person. Get in touch with some relatives or someone you can trust and let them know how you feel. You obviously aren't stupid if you can recognize your feelings and where they stem from. This provides you with the ability to change your situation so you can be happy for yourself as well as your son. You really need to let someone know about your situation if it is still continuing and leave the person who is causing you misery. You can do it, you just have to dig deep and use the repulsion you feel from your negative feelings to find a better life. Be brave, and I really hope things are better for you now.

    Everyone deserves happiness
    -Cam

    I am very glad I found this article. I never thought that I would experience the pain I am experiencing now after having gone through this once before. I genuinely felt that because I survived what I thought was the worst relationship/breakup a few years ago, that it would be impossible for me to love and lose again. I was with someone for four years off and on, and endured a horrible breakup which I later learned changed my life completely for the better. What I had learned from that relationship, and it's end, taught me so much, and gave me such hope for an amazing future. About two years later I have decided to try a relationship with someone new. It took me this two years to even consider dating, and I have dismissed several wonderful opportunities simply because I wasn't ready. Having felt ready, and deeply connected to this person, I gave it my all. Given a few issues, the relationship just seemed to fall apart after only 4 months. I am crushed in almost the same way I was after the 4 year relationship. I feel silly and pitiful for having the same feelings after such a drastically shorter period. I know they say love doesn't have a time frame, but I don't know. I feel stupid, and have started to second guess myself. It made it worse when he said the same thing, as if I am crazy for being so hurt after a very short relationship. One positive I have noticed is that I have been able to separate my feelings at certain times and evaluate the situation as if I'm outside of it. This is something I was unable to do until a year had passed before. I have also noticed that I am able to tell myself "Get up and do SOMETHING to take your mind off of this." Again, that was much harder to do before. Nevertheless it still hurts tremendously. This article has helped in reminding me I'm not alone, and I'm not crazy. For those of you who are dealing with heartbreak right now, just remember that you are worthy of great things. I have felt as if I'm not worthy because the pain can be so strong that it feels as though I MUST have deserved this in some way. That is not true. God has his reasons for everything, and I have faith that we will all make it out okay if we just keep the faith the best we can. It's much easier to talk about this in advice to others, than it is to take the advice myself, but i have found this therapeutic, and hope that my story will encourage someone else. Good luck guys, stay strong!

    I'm going on 7 months without a word. No phone calls, emails, sweet voice in the morning nothing.

    It started the fall semester of my first year of medical school, in september. She had daddy issues (he beat her and was verbally abusive) and had severe trust issues. She always told me I was too good for her and that she was scared of falling for me. We talked through it and after trying harder at making her happier/comfortable than I had ever worked at anything else (I was a heavy equipment mechanic/welder through college and we're both medical students now so I know a thing or two about hard work) and she started to pull through and we started to really enjoy ourselves.

    Then around my bday last january everything was at an all time high. I was sick and missed class, she came straight after class everyday and looked after me. We talked for hours every night. She told me she loved me (very very very tough thing for her to finally say) and wanted to buy me the car I was buying (yeh a bit nutty, i guess), I couldn't accept. Then she brought up marriage and caught me off guard. I said if it's something you're serious about then we need to talk about it. I didn't say no, I just had a surprised tone to my voice. It was hard to get her to verbalize her feelings for me and to go from that to telling me she loved me, followed suddenly by the M word...I was just surprised.

    Anyway, I guess she got spooked. Maybe I should have heeded her warnings that she would break my heart but we all now that you can't heed a damn thing when you're "in love".

    She never talked to me again. A few nights after we talked, she texted me (we didn't do text/email talking unless it was to coordinate...only face to face for serious stuff)"Don't talk to me. I don't want to ever hear from you again. and I owe you no explanation." That was it. Bam. Nothing. Weeks went by she wouldn't return my calls, talk to me, look at me, nothing. I cried, vomitted (12 times the night it happened), cried more. Lost 25 lbs in the months that followed. Started to lose blood. It was bad. Lost my sense of humor, appetite, desire to be social. Basically crawled into a hole and died. I studied enough to get by but my stellar grades had dropped markedly. I could think of nothing but her and the sweet things she used to tell and do for me. A few friends worried...but it's easy enough to fool people when you're as busy as we are. Plus it's amazing how little anyone beyond your innermost circle of friends give a rat's ass. Parents on the other hand were a bit tougher to fool but that wasn't hard either.

    Nice guys finish last. I don't have a mean bone in my body...probably literally one of the nicest guys you will ever meet (the first time I've ever admitted that and only because none of you know who I am). I can't count how many random people I've fixed cars for that were in a shitty situation on the side of the road, thousands of hours of documented community service and tons more undocumented. Never taken a cent, never thought any of the thousands of people who I've done stuff for owed me anything, it's just the way I am. Tip toed around her insecurities but gave her my all. It is with her that I learned just how hard I could work at something. I've never been so nice to anyone as this girl. I made her feel amazing, happy, beautiful, loved.

    I am a very positive and loving person but I no longer believe in love. It's a crock of shit. The only people I see who seem to succeed in relationships (really succeed) are people from the third world who get arranged marriages and have no choice but to be happy. they can't risk daddy's textile mill, cow, family name, etc. so they tough it out...through thick and thin. Everywhere else people play mind games, cheat, lie, yell, threaten, etc. to win and maintain anothers love. It just blows my mind. Why must someone teeter totter on being an absolute asshole/tough guy and being sensitive and nice for most women to respond? What is so tough about talking down to a woman? I can rebuild an engine, wire an engine, do anything construction related, weld, run a lathe, have patents and publications, save lives, can stay alive in the woods...I've never thought about it that way but I think that's a lot "tougher" than being a shithead.

    Maybe my thinking is flawed but it's just an observation over the years. I wouldn't trade the memory of her for anything but months of suffering is just not fair. I've tried everything talking to people, working out, got a puppy and showered it with love (which helps), doing my hobbies, working even harder at school but I still miss her and have so many questions that are unanswered. Not getting closure is a real bitch. I see her everyday in class and I want nothing more than the physical pain and blurriness that her memory now brings me to stop.

    Heyy,
    I can totally relate to your story. I feel the same way. Marc totally threw me out and expected me to just pick up and go. I got no closure or anything it was horrible. ive been struggling a lot but that love does fade unfortunately. i think about him a lot and most nights i cry myself to sleep but honestly this is all bullshit. we have amazing huge hearts and people take advantage of it. but trust me, i KNOW ths for a fact they will always regret it. always. but will they do anything? nah, they have no balls. pieces of shit. were a lot stronger then they are and trust me, they have always admired that. always will. where as we must moveon. do anything to keep ourselves going and not be a part of this dying depressed population that sits around and mopes about pathetic mindless idiots who dont appreciate it. there are a shit load of people like us babe, holy ive met so many amazing people that have ben screwed and their by far the most intelligent, strong minded, confident beautiful souls ive ever encountered and are all off doing better things. Everything DOES happen for a reason. i have deep faith in that. i dont believe in love anymore but this shit alwyas happens then fades.. haha you dont know how strong you are, until u have no choice but to be.

    I just want to say that of all the posts on this site, this one meant the most to me. Thank you for reminding me that my big heart is amazing and it is the best, most courageous part about me. I cannot lose faith in my heart and that someone one day will love me for it and it won't be broken again. I hope that I can keep the bitterness out, but sometimes it seeps in and the idea of being vulnerable again and loving and trusting anyone is unthinkable. But someday I'll find myself doing it again, because I trust that one day the payoff is going to be so great. Keep your chin up, and try and try and try everything until you find the solution that fits your world.

    My ex dumped me completely out of the blue, too. Hours before he was talking about our future, and then he called and told me that there were too many differences and to delete all of our emails and photos and to never contact him again. I was in shock but now that the shock has worn off I can't seem to stop crying. I'm nauseous, I can't focus, can't sleep, I have a headache from crying and lack of sleep, and I can barely keep it together in public or at work. And the ache in my chest is unbearable. I know that this will all pass. I've gone through heartbreaks before. But when you love someone and when you have trusted someone with your heart, and they decide that they don't want it, and they delete you from their life, it's never any less painful. I'm sad to let go of him. I'm sad to let go of my hopes and plans for the future. I feel like a failure for not having the things that I want at this point in my life and knowing that my goals are still far from being met. I'm worried that I won't ever meet anyone that will reciprocate my feelings in a relationship. It's been 5 years since my last serious relationship, and I thought that I had found someone this time to spend my life with. He talked about marriage and our future together. I feel like he led me on. I do find it harder and harder to trust each time. I just want someone to tell me how it's gonna work out for me. I would rather know that I'm not going to find romantic love so that I can let go of that dream and focus on other things in my life. But it's the biggest and longest-held dream that I have and it would be so hard to let go of. I really do want to find a romantic love and relationship for myself. I really want to share my life with someone, and I'm doing my best to accept that it's not going to be my ex.

    There's a lot of bad days and nights that are ahead. Lots more pain and emptiness, anger and despair, questions, loneliness. Even after I'm over him, there will still be loneliness. But I'll get through it somehow. I know I will. You will too.

    I am a very positive and loving person but I no longer believe in love. It's a crock of shit. The only people I see who seem to succeed in relationships (really succeed) are people from the third world who get arranged marriages and have no choice but to be happy. umm Have you tried buying a wedding ring, some flowers. and doing something extremely romantic and out of the ordinary??? u never know that might work... (girls love things like this (u gotta shhoow her that you truly love her, and say it with meaning), which is kinda obvious to me, but i dno, for some reason im beginning to think that most guys dont realize this...) worst case scenario... wedding rings are refundable right?

    I am a very positive and loving person but I no longer believe in love. It's a crock of shit. The only people I see who seem to succeed in relationships (really succeed) are people from the third world who get arranged marriages and have no choice but to be happy. umm Have you tried buying a wedding ring, some flowers. and doing something extremely romantic and out of the ordinary??? u never know that might work... (girls love things like this (u gotta shhoow her that you truly love her, and say it with meaning), which is kinda obvious to me, but i dno, for some reason im beginning to think that most guys dont realize this...) worst case scenario... wedding rings are refundable right?

    Hi,
    Dont give up on love. I have been dating the same guy for the past 8 years. He broke up with me this past weekend in an email. I asked him to talk to me about it but he was in such a hurry to go hang out with friends that he barely gave me five minutes after all of those years together. Basically what he had to say was, you knew it was coming and im not in love anymore. Then just like that, my world is over. I feel like I literally want to die most days. Im 28 years old and live in such a small town I feel as if I will never find anyone. Everyone tells me I am beautiful, smart, and outgoing and it is his loss. I dont believe that though. When I look at myself I see a sap, a washed up has been girlfriend who has nothing left to live for. I did nothing wrong in our relationship. I sat at home waiting on him most of the time to find time to come see me. I put him first and made him my priority and look where it has gotten me. So dont feel bad, there are girls out there that feel the same way you do and who would never do you like your girl has done you because they are like me and know what it feels like to get your heart stomped on by a shithead. Im so sorry you feel how I feel or felt.... hopefully you are ok by now because your post was over a year ago. If you want to talk... Im here. I could use someone to talk to too.

    it's been a month now and i can see no hope. the pain is as real as day one. i relate so much to your situation cuz it's waht happened to me. i was there for him and his daughter whenever thay need me, i gave him the best of me and still i was blindsided when he ended it. i never saw it coming, things were really good with us. now i never hear from him. how could people be so cold...he doesn't care! how could i have been so stupid. this hurts like hell and nothing i do is making it better. i did nothing wrong in the relationship and he just ended it and said we could try being friends. how could i move from loving him one day to jus be a friend to him. i feel so loss and cheated. i didn't deserve this but yet i ended up hurting so much. i can't eat, can't sleep, can't function and he is carrying on with his life like i never existed. i wonder if he ever thinks of me or miss me. i keep hoping he'll come back but i know i have to accept that it won't happen but i just don't know how to move on. everyone says it will get better but i can't see that happening..we were so right for each other...will this pain ever end!!

    It was therapeutic to read this article, as I have been crying on and off for the past three days. I am in a situation where my husband of only four years (although we have been together a total of 15 years) pursued a woman that he knew from his teenage years and left me for her. I re-read the valentine's I received from him, and the Christmas card from last year, telling me how special I was to him and how the memories we had built together were so important to him. And then I find out that he had been pursuing his former childhood friend right after I received the valentine. I feel so used, I feel so betrayed, and I don't know why it hurts so much, because I felt him leaving me mentally for the past two years. I stupidly believed that we could "fix" the problem. I am angry, I have been through all of the steps listed in the article above, but how long is this supposed to last? I guess the pain won't go away until I get rid of all the reminders here in my house. There are too many memories attached.

    First of all, I allways thought i wouldn' get an heart break, only others, in my inocence.
    As said before, this article really helps, and i can relate with everyone here regardless of how much time their relationships endured.

    I had a 1 year relationship, my first to this date, and she always told me that she wanted get old with me, have kids, the all deal. All of the sudden, told me that she didn't see a future with me. I was shocked, not only for saying that, but also for not giving me the oportunity to change, for the better.
    After really loving someone,sharing your thoughts, your desires, all of your secretes and to be devoted to someone, having routines as someone said here, and it's all over, you fell like you have no more purpose in life.
    I did some real efforts to get back to her, to show her that i could change, but instead she hooked up with some guy.
    If someone still loves you, they don't start hooking up with strangers a week after.

    I was seriously commited to her, was with all my hopes and focused to "win", but after she told me that she hooked up... i was and still am in a complete wreck.
    Every day, and while I'm writtig this, I fell a physical pain in my heart., barely can get some sleep, wake up in the middle of the night. I just want it to stop.
    I'm in an emotional and physical wreck, feeling cheated, betrayed ,disappointed, angry and sad all at the same time.

    But in all, i guess it was for the better, if I wasted a bunch of years by her side, and she did this stunt., the feeling of loss would probably be a lot worst.

    When your like this, you think your problems are the ones that matter, that the world will stop a bit for you.
    There are far more worst things than this.
    The worst thing you can do, is to blame yourself. Don't do it. There's a lot more people in this world that are willing to really love and let being loved. Do things you used to like doing, avoid doing things that remind of he or she, give yourself some time and try to learn with these experiences.
    . You will overcome this and will be stronger than ever. Every hardship has the ability of making you tougher,

    And thanks, it's good to feel that I'm not the only one feeling this way.

    i am feeling the same exact way as most people who wrote on this page. the terrible chest pain.....the crying.....the betrayal. everything. but something weird is happening. those five stages. i seem to be experiencing all of them at the same time. i think it might have something to do with Bipolar Disorder. im not sure that i have it, but i have been doing some research and i think i might. if you have any opinions, let me know. then i stumbled on to this article. it touched my heart deeply and im glad i found all you guys who are feeling this way as well. I feel better just seeing you. thank you

    I am feeling really bad for way I broke up with someone 3 years ago. Things were not working out too well. We had good and bad times,but slowly every small thing became an issue ...Anyway now I feel it was kiddish. All those things that bothered me were so not important after all. Last 3years I had forgotten about him and everything that happened. Suddenly last week I got a call from his wife , which was shocking surprise. She wanted to know why we didn't get married and told me how depressed he was after we broke up.Though I didn't say much to that and thought it was weird call , But it has been bothering me. I now realize I didn't handle it well. I could have done it differently. Had some communication before I eneded the relationship. It was an abrupt breakup.
    When I was with him, I never understood his love and never appreciated his feelings and now I feel terrible about hurting him. I never even imagined,I would feel the heartache now for what I did.
    Ofcourse I have moved on with my life, but I hope I never treat someone else like that again, especially someone who loves and cares.

    every single day for the past 2 years. is there a more scientific name for it than 'heartbreak'? i believe it's more than that.

    to anonymous 9/9/09: Sad? You feel sad? Does posting up here somehow compensate? Wow. Do you have any idea (rhetorical ?) what happens to a person who let's down their guard and learns to love and trust someone only to have their heart ripped out. Here's a hint princess...it's a lot worse than feeling a little "sad".

    I'll stop now before i violate some unwritten "huggy feely" rule. have a nice day.

    Hi, I would like permission to put this article into my blog ^^ I love it!!!

    Hank
    The authors get paid for their work just like working people all over the world so you can't take it and use it as your own.   Links to articles here are always nice, of course, and good karma.
    I just suffered a breakup from my girlfriend of 2 years. I have experiened a horrible pain and its the worst thing ever. She says she still loves me. I am concerned she will want to get back together sometime in the future although I don't ever want to experience this again. I'm afraid if she wants to come back that I won't be able to say no and it will happen again. I still think she is the woman of my dreams and love her so much. What do i do if I encounter that situation?

    Wow, its so supportive to have an article like this, and all the repetition, while on other forums would do my head in, here just helps- for some unknown reason.
    I have been dumped recently by the most amazing guy. I just feel the typical sense of loss sickness, hopelessness, defeat, idiocy, hurt and pain coupled with this enormous 'Doh' feeling for letting myself get involved with someone I will never be able to replace in any way! You know when you arent 'hooked' on them and you can see it all coming- you think they are too goodlooking to want to be with you, or too smart, or too wholesome or too unflawed but your not hooked yet so you think you can walk away at any time.. up til the point where they walk away first and you find that they really have hooked you and those hooks are dragging your heart from your body down the street through the mud, rain puddles and dirt... thats kind of how I feel now.
    I wish to turn the clock back everyday, I wake up and relish the fifteen seconds of every day where I havent yet remembered the nightmare that life has become, Im afraid to go to the gym, as I have to have my mind occupied constantly and running on the trweadmill just ends up in fantasies of me having lost all my relationship weight and being really glam in a place where he walks in and sees.. then I have to kick myself cos I know even if he did he would prob just walk straight past me..
    Geez,, when did I become so pathetic.. Im so glad to know I am not alone. We'll get through this people! because we have no choice. life goes on.
    Anyway, I heard its just an addiction to drugs like dopamine and oxytocin that are released when your in love and then suddenly stop when you get dumped or whatever...

    I wish Id never met him..

    I have a best friend that is a guy and I am a girl..and we started out being friends three years ago and we got really close over those years and I started developing feelings for him, and there were times where I thought he felt the same way and he did somewhat but we both believed in staying best friends and not letting a relationship ruin everything but he always had me believing that even though we were just friends now that we would eventually end up together up until recently he met this girl..that reminds him of me when he and I first met and he tells me that he did like me when he first met me but I already liked another guy at that time and we had started dating soon after i had met my best friend. it really hurts because he made it clear that he and i will only be friends he doesn't have the same feelings as I do for him. Just knowing that best friends is all we will ever be just kills me and I have been crying all day trying to get over this hurt..and I just don't know how I am ever going to really get through it because I know it will probably hurt when we hang out again and that girl is around. I can't stop hanging out with him because it makes me feel even worse..it's like I need to be with him even just as friends...at least. so I still have him he is still there for me but why do I keep crying and feeling such a sense of loss?

    I can totally relate to you. My situation is very similar to yours. I have this guy friend who liked me and wanted to date, but I didn't like him like that. Not at first that is. Over time something just clicked and I knew that I did have feelings for him. We would talk literally all night. The thing is that I basically lied to myself and told him that I liked him only as a friend when deep down I knew I didn't. I was afraid that our friendship would change and of just taking that next step. What I said I wanted....to be friends...is what I got because he got a girlfriend by the time I was ready to tell him how I truly felt. It was too late. I regret eveything that I did, for going against and fighting my feelings. This is the first time I have felt heartbroken. It's so enbearable but I just pray to God and know that I am a better person now because I have learned so many things the hard way, but the good thing is that I won't make the same mistakes twice.

    I'm so glad to be able to find a story that is very similar to mine. I've known this guy (my co-worker) for a little less than 2 years. About a year into knowing him, I realized I slowly developed small, innocent feelings for him, but I was convinced he did not feel the same about me. However, one day out of nowhere, he wanted to talk to me, and turned out he confessed all the feelings he has had for me & told me he has not felt like this about anyone in a very long time. I was shocked, surprised, and totally did not see it coming. At that time, I lied to him, told him I did not feel the same way, but mainly because I was stupid, foolish, and too chicken to admit my own true feelings for him. Three months went by and we continued to maintain a very good friendship (with some small flirtations) and I was content with being just friends, even though deep down I was yearning for something beyond "just friends" but once again I was too scared to admit my feelings. AND then all of a sudden one day at work he did not talk to me, did not look at me, and made it obvious he did not want me anywhere near him. I was devastated and confused. I asked him what was wrong but he just ignored me. This went on for the next 3 months until our company closed down. In the end, we never said goodbye, I never knew what happened between us, and later on I found out he moved overseas. That's when I knew I would never ever be able to see him again ....

    The reason why it hurt sooo much for me is because this is the first time in my life where I found & met someone that I really really like, but now EVERYTHING is too late. I continually cried myself to sleep at night. I will never be able to forgive myself for not telling him how I really felt. This regret has pained me so much that I sometimes just either blame myself for it or hate him for unexpectedly ending our friendship this way. I just wish him the best wherever he is right now & maybe one day in this small world our paths will cross again ....

    It's been a year and a half, since I was dumped on my birthday. The worst of the heartbreak lasted at least four months. The aching comes and goes to this day. The girl who dumped me was sorry about putting me through all that later on, especially on my birthday. But for some reason, sorry isn't enough. I can't bring myself to forgive her. When we hang out together as friends, sometimes I feel like I love her again, and sometimes I feel nothing but hatred for her. Both feelings scare me in different ways. When we're apart, it's far more easy to just hate her. The whole acceptance and moving on stage of heartbreak still hasn't happened to me yet, after a year and a half. What it came down to was just not being able to forgive her, still feeling wronged and victimized, no matter how much she apologized and wanted to be friends again. I feel guilty for not being able to forgive her. She's done everything she can to make up for it. But it's not enough. I feel as if only seeing her suffer as much as she made me suffer would make it enough for me to forgive her. And then again, maybe it still wouldn't be enough. I don't know.

    She's left me with scars. A girlfriend is one of the things I want most in the whole world, and yet at the same time, I am too terrified to go out and find one because I don't want to be hurt again.

    Dont feel guilty for not forgiving her. after what she did to you she shouldnt even be trying to hang out with you and be friends again. an extreme apology would suffice. the facts that shes not smart or unselfish enough to not try to be friends with you and to keep her distance from you for your sake just spells out that shes not worthy enough of your forgiveness.

    --my point is kinda at the end but...--my love broke up with me "out of nowhere" and has called me 5 times since (its been two months). the last time, he wanted to hang out with me. Needless to say, i could tell he was a bit drunk, and it was about 5 in d morning. but besides all that. i was unsure of why he wanted to come over... sum negative thoughts went thru my head.. i regret not asking him..why?.. but at the same time it might be for the best. ...i replied by saying, why dont you come over tomorrow night? n eventually he was like alright, ill call you tomorro (which never happend, as i suspected) no matter how much i want him, how much i love him, how happy i would be to have him come back. i dont see the point in it unless he really goes out of his way.... the roses, the apologies, and something else, something greater and.... just somthing that really shows that he means it with his heart, and that hes willing to go the extra mile for me. otherwise... i dont see anything good coming out of it. i mean... if he really wanted me back (even though hes calld 5 times) how come hes not here right now, and... how come he hasnt done anything greater, than a lousy drunken phone call at 5 in da mornin. i want a man that will do more for me than that (even though hed told me before "ill do anything for you" hmmph, yeahh right, -fuckin liar- sry had an aggressive moment ther) (let me correcct myself, i want HIM, with all of my heart body soul, but i want and wish more than anything, for him to do something crazy, romantic, and go the extra mile for me) i want his love, i want to feel loved by him.. which is something that i lacked during the relationship as well... even tho he told me he loved me and i never really did to him, but im pretty sure he knew i did...anyways, the point beyond all this is... im smart enough to not do someting stupid like that when ive broken someones heart. how come these retards wanna call or "be friends" without going all the way out. i mean, theres no point in further communication, unless its to give the person exactly what they want, if not more. SAVE THE APOLOGIES FOR THE AFTER HEARTBREAK, AND THEN WAIT A FEW MONTHS MORE. funny thing is, the guy who broke my heart before him (i didnt love him, if i can even call it love, near enough as i did my last) apologized to me the same day after my love broke up with me, and it felt good to hear his apology, but it didnt hurt or (basically i was already over him, and realized it even more then) had he apologized sooner, im not sure what the outcome would have been...

    Right now i'm seperated from my man and I do nothing but cry and I just push everyone away and I don't mean to it just happens. Being away from him rips me to pieces and I can't stand it. My heart literally feels like it has a whole in it. Not kidding it feels like right in the center of my heart someone took a shovel and hollowed it out. My head is numb, everything I eat makes me sick but I can't stop eating, I can't sleep but i'm so exhausted. I feel like i've been shoved into a dark hole and when I hit the bottom of the hole every bone in my body was shattered. I think my heartbreak is very severe but I don't want to go to the doctor or anything, this article helped me understand a little about what's going on with me. Thank you.

    I had my heart broken back in 2001 & it never healed. For the most part, the pain is still as bad as it was back then, even worse actually, my life & spirit have been destroyed, I do not speak with most of family anymore, my friends have a different view of me & I have never really been able to make a decent home for myself. I am a man in my late 20s, some side effects of my depression include baldness (no one on either side of my family ever went bald), laziness, slight weight gain& occasional chest (heart) pain. I just want to leave my message to let people know time does not always heal.

    I agree, time does not always heal, I've spent the last 4 months crying over the man I love. I can't eat, sleep, I haven't even been to work. The only reason I even get out of bed in the mornings is because I have a child. I'm broken, destroyed and I have no idea how to get right again. And the saddest part is, I am getting help which isn't doing any good.

    gee what a way to give someone hope... no but seriously, time may not heal, as you say, and i hope for the fuckin most its not true, otherwise whats the point in going on. but what i wonder is... will time maybe make a new possibility at rekindling love. this is something i kinda hope, sometimes more than others. we are both young, maybe when were older, are more mature, have enough money to do somthing with it. ....i dno... i never thought id say this, but im not sure if i ever even want to be in love again, w someone else,. ive lost most, if not all, my faith in love. its not that i dont believe in it, i mean i am deeply in love right now, duh!, but its just that i dont believe in it ever making it. in the love ever being mutual enough to last thru time.in there being a 50/50, both treating each other with utmost respect, honesty, kindness, fairness, etc. ive treated all my boyfriends as good as i could, well not the best (but this was in response to them) while they all treated me pretty bad, in one way or another, at one time or another. i treated them all better than they treated me.... and well.... i just dont believe in it being possible anymore.... and more than that, im really scared at taking a second chance. -this is the first time ive ever really given up- im just gonna quit rambling on tho.... p.s. is there any marriages out there that have lasted thru time, and they can both say theyre still both madly in love with each other? i wanna hear theesse stories!

    Great post...

    I like how Ashley doesn't hesitate to go into the phsysiolgy of "heartbreak".

    Culturally it has been seen as taboo to talk about such profound topics involving love from a physical or "logical" perspective. Looking at it from an emotional, physical and logical point of view helps you understand what is happening to you.

    All of us that have gone through profound heartbreak know how conflicting, erratic and dark our inner world can become...

    It can be almost scary to see yourself in such a state... Especially because there is always that feeling that it may always be that way.

    Here is a post about some techniques you can use deal with the physical effects of heartbreak,

    http://getoverhernow.com/blog/a-scientifically-proven-way-to-cure-heartb...

    hey. . i m first time reading an article over heartbreak psychology. i had a heart break in december 2006. . its been around 3 years. . the relationship wid dis guy was just fr 4 days but we had been friends before dat fr 4 months. he suddenly broke off wid no good reasons n explanation.i ws 18 that time. i dint ask for any reasons. . i thot i will jst forget dis small incident n kept my life going as before this incident i was attractive,enthusiastic n a bright person. but nothing as i thot happened. slowly i started losing interests in my studies,i got skeptic about guys,i began losing my friends..and in three years situation got only worse. he is in my college and in my class. .and till this date i feel uncomfortable while he is around me. .i desperately want to feel confident in front of him,i want to make him regret over his decision, .but i find it very bad thinking myself like dis. i find myslf overcoming the trauma. . but m not fully over him. his presence still lingers.
    i dated a guy for last one year. . he loves me alot,but he is not attractive as my ex, aftr spending a year i found myself still occupied with the fellings of my previous bf. . so i brokeup with him n now m single again. that heartbreak still disturbs. . i find m life moving on. i gotta make my career,i need to make a mark in this world,though occupied with his feeling m moving on in a hope i will learn one day to thrive the live n learn to live big.:)

    Hi All,

    my previous post was as on 04/27/09 (vish).

    i just wanted to provide an update on my status. my brief flirtation with love did not end in april (my last post.) it went up to august. brief periods when she would flirt with me over messages, and then just keep away, and then start communicating again and drive me insane. and all along she saw me just as a friend. so finally towards august end i sent a her a message saying she was just using me for time pass, and she simply said I was over reacting. maybe i was. because not once had she said that she felt anything special for me. but all along she just kept flirting. i mean you can sense it when you are interacting with someone as to whether they are sizing you up as a potential partner. or maybe i was just crazily hoping that she felt the same way about me. (and i dont think i am the kind of person who will do that: i.e if i knew someone was in love with me, and i dint feel the same way about her, then i wouldn't keep communicating and give her the false hope that something might blossom). so i do hold the grudge against her for having played with me.
    anyways in late august, we just stopped communicating (after that messg where i accused her of manipulating), and strangely i dint feel depressed. and i knew then that i had snapped out of her spell. ya occassionally i do check out her profile on facebook to see whats up in her life (and to check her relationship status), but i feel i am mostly over it.
    4 months it took me to snap out of it. but i have survived another heart break. infact when i re-read my april post i cant believe that i fell such despair over a 3 month relationship where no commitment was ever made !!! i am a mad romantic.

    other updates / progress in my life that has probably helped me get over it is that i applied for my MBA at a few places and this year I finally made it...if things work out (finance, visa), then i should hopefully enrol this august. (tocuhwood !!, fingers crossed !!!).
    so right now life seems good once again (till the next heartbreak ;).
    the point of this post is to cheer up my fellow mates who shared in my misery and grief. i just wanted to say please
    hang in there, and things will brighten up again.

    warm regards,
    vish

    I thank u all tremendously... my gf of 7 months... the first girl ive ever loved recently dumped me... and hooked up with sumone else the exact day i was going to beg to her to take me back(valentines day)... i saw myself going through every stage and knowing why is surely an enheartening thing for me... after reading this article and all of these comments... i feel lighter... happy... for the first time in 2 months... thank u ashley cox and thank u all... if anyone would like to speak of their problems... maybe we can share experiences... or maybe just sum human comforting... u can email me at thedogshit1@live.com or just comment on this below... p.s. this is my new homepage :)

    I'm writing this to get some advice of my never ending story of my life. Ok, I met this guy a year ago, everything seemed so good the first 7 months until I felt that something was not right. He became very distant to the point he wouldn't even answer his phone... And his excuse was "oh I was with my brother and I left my phone in his car." Something just did not feel right. One night when I was crying my eyes out (I was confused on what to think) I called a friend of mine and told him what I was going thru, after telling him he asked what my bfs' name was and told him... Before that I had mentioned to him where he worked.. He immediately put two n two together, he told me he knew who my bf was but wasn't to happy. A few days later he told me he had something important to tell me about my bf. He told me that his good friend had been in a relationship with my bf for the past couple months. I immediately shut down, I was so mad and disappointed. I did not even want to think about it, I thought my friend was just making it up , I thought to myself it can't be that much of a small world so I left it at that. Weeks go by, I keep on getting a cold side of my bf. One day while at work I received this restricted call on my cell phone... It was a guy asking me who I was, naturally I told him he was the one calling me so he has to tell me who he is... He answered, gave me his name and told me he had gotn my number from his "boyfriends" cell phone while he was asleep. He then told me that they had been in a relationship for the past year and he went on and on. He even told me that they had reservations at a Vegas hotel for his (my bf) birthday. I was in shock. I confronted my bf about it and he denied it all... Saying it's all a lie. Later that evening he told me he had called his suppsely "ex bf" and that he has told him he never called me at all. My bf told me that his ex bf even cried to him telling him that he never called me and so on and on. I didn't know what to think about it, I was too in love with my bf to believe everything that was said. Now his birthday was 5 days away. I was at work feeling sad and had to call him to say hi... We spoke for approx 1 hour (thru our conversation I kept hearing zippers closing in the backround almost as if it came from him closing luggage) and at the end he told me he would call me back later but never called. The next day, being all thoughtful I went shopping for his birthday gift, I was unsure on what to get him so I called him, he answered and asked him his gift prefferance... He rushed the conversation and told me just to get him anything and we hung up. Later that evening I called him again to say hi but no answer, I tried texting him and calling him through the evening but no response at all.. At that point I was scared that he had gone to Vegas like his ex bf had told me... I began crying n felt so betrayed.. I insisted on calling n texting him but no response. That whole night I could not get any sleep because of everything I was thinking. The next day I attempted to call him again but this time all calls were being forwarded to his voicemail. At that point I even got more emotional. Anyhow, I did not hear back from him until 3 days later, he called me from his work and told me that he had to get away for a few days to his moms house (who lives 1 hr away) and that he couldn't receive any calls because his phone was broken n that's why he was calling me from his works phone. Inside I felt so sad almost wanting to cry but couldn't because I was at work. His bday came by, I took him to dinner, I could sence that he wasn't all there... We then went to my car and he kissed me and told me how much he loved me. I felt so sad with what he was doing to me. I finally confronted him, told him that I knew he had gone to vegas with his ex bf.... I cried as he dinied it all. He repeatedly stated how much he loved me... I was so in love with him that I over looked at the situation. The next day he called me and invited me to go out with him to a bar. We went, the whole time there he kept on looking at everyone, almost as if was looking for someone in particular... I got a little intoxicated and confronted him by asking him who he waslooking for.. He rushed out of the bar leaving me behind. I followed him in direction to my car. Once inside the car I bgan crying ((I was in so much pain) he then asked me to start heading out and to drop him off home. I immediately responded to him NO, I'm way too intoxicated to start driving... I then lost it and confronted him again about his vegas trip... He finally admitted to me that he did go... But just went because he needed to get out for a few days... I felt like the worst thing ever. He then stated to me that I was the one he loved and he had gone to vegas with his ex bf just as friends...I knew he was lying to me so I asked him to get out of my car.. Repeatedly told him and he would not.. He kept shouting that I was wrong because I was going to leave him out on the streets at 2am far away from home (approx 1 n 30mins from his house). It felt so good but at the same time I felt sad about my situation. He never got out of the car so I walked out of the car...and sat onthe curb crying.. I didn't believe what was happening to me. While out on the curb he kept burning up my phone. I finally sobered down and went back in the car... I began driving home...he insisted to me to please forgive him... I loved the guy way too much so I decided to forgive him..Months have past but I still don't trust him at all. I'm still in love with this guy but I feel like he's killin me sofly. I recently began noticing change in him, he's actng very distant but his excuse is that his wrking too much. He states to me that he loves me n it drives me crazy because i dont know if hes being honest or not.!I don't know what to do, I feel like I can't give him up n it's taking a toll on my life severely. I accept the fact that I am being blinded by his words but I am too attached to him. Please any advise?

    Thank you for writing this post. It is truly honest and beautiful. I googled heart break depression and landed on this page of Scientific Blogging. When all emotions run rampant, I try to answer them with logic. This helps in knowing that the mind is equally as strong as my heart. I find balance in thinking that I'm better living happy. A big part of the happiness was from the wonderful experience I had with my relationship. It was true. It made me feel good that I could make a difference in someone's life. Now, the time has passed and he is happier without the commitment of marriage. We would have made a great pair if he was willing to equally sacrifice for the betterment of our lives together. I still consider him to be a blessing. A blessing that is inevitably sad, however I know that our goals did not align and goals are important in a stable relationship.

    Most importantly, no matter how great love is, it is far, far better when it is returned at the same time it is given, in equal measure. Give yourself an opportunity rise above it and set "Good" goals for yourself. ie., I will not call for 1 week, follow through by buying yourself something nice. Then set another goal. The point being that your attention should be placed upon yourself...where it is needed the most now.

    Don't let them consume who you are and don't force the other party into who you want them to be. That is not why you fell in love in the first place. Love is kind, you should always forgive but that does not mean you have to forget. Learn from this. Train yourself and the other person to avoid the same pitfall. I forgive, I love but I can't let myself repeat this pain over and over and over again. Don't forget to forgive yourself when you stop calling!

    Mirror his emotions and show him what the quality of his love is doing to you. Be strong, be patient, and above all, be good to yourself.

    I would like to add my perspective to this painful topic which everyone experiences at one time in their life or another.

    There is no pain worse than heartbreak. It is like the soul -something non-physical is being continually torn apart from within. It's true that time heals many things, but sometimes in life we don't get over things -they are too painful, the best we can hope for is to learn to live with it. You will know if your loss is something you can get over or live with.

    Pain is a response to loss. Everyone experiences loss. That is the nature of life -everything is temporary, transitory, impermanent -despite what we'd like to think. Buddhists would say pain comes from attachment and to cultivate a sense of non-attachment. This can be hard to do, but as babies, our survival depends on attachment to our mother.

    I believe the meaning of pain and heartbreak is to help us develop empathy -an understanding of others' pain and loss. There are MANY MANY people in this world experiencing unbelievable pain -look at war-ravaged people for example. Their pain to many others is unbearable. For your pain, there is always someone who has less or more pain -your pain is never the most pain anyone has suffered. This is why support groups can help -people who understand your TYPE of pain.

    The other purpose of pain and heartbreak is to MAKE YOURSELF A BETTER PERSON so that you NEVER inflict the type of pain or heartbreak you're feeling on another. Which leads me to my next point. Incredible though it may sound, there is a pain worse than heartbreak -the knowing that you have caused another pain and heartbreak. Try and imagine that. I know someone who killed a child by accident on the road who ran in front of her car from out of nowhere. Imagine what sort of pain that person feels knowing she took the life of someone -another mother's child?

    Pain is a resource -our deepest untapped well, for growth and learning. We can grow from and through our pain.

    I feel everyone's pain. Heartbreak is a feeling no one has. I couldn't eat, sleep, or think about how my life is going to be. I just recently got my heart broken last week. My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 7 years. Two weeks ago she went on a little vacation to go see her parents in alaska. I normally let her go alone on these family trips because i have to work and no one will be able to watch over our two little dogs. Well what happend was, she was talking to this guy who was a long time friend from highschool. I knew the guy because we went to the same highschool. He was in my girlfriends Japanese class. I thought nothing of it because i knew who this guy was and thought of it just as friends Instant messaging/text messaging. She tells me that every time she goes back to alaska her parents are strict and always wants her to be home and spend time at home. I understood that, because its somewhat true. She told me that she wanted to enjoy the trip this time, so shes going to stay at a friends house for a night or two and have fun. Well it turns out she was going to stay at her friends house (the guy she was talking to). Again i didn't think much of it, i had a bad feeling because its another guy, but i trusted her for all these years. Also because i knew who this guy was, and i never thought they would have something for each other. While shes on vacation, i get a question from an online friend of mine about his relationship problems. His issue was, what should he do because his girlfriend is speaking to other guys on the internet. I told him that his girlfriend is an easy prey for these guys speaking to her if she has problems with you and needs someone to hear them. Well little did i know, this was my same problem. My girfriend confesses to me after she came back that she felt loved that another guy was listening to her, complementing her on how she looked and it felt great to hear these kinds of things. So she in the moment had kissed the other guy. I was emotionless at first, i didn't know what to say, what to do, what to think. I was blacked out for a minute. I couldn't even take in what she was saying after, because i just froze. 7 years, after all the sacrifices i made every thing that i have done for her. We just bought a house together because we planned on living together forever, When she was going to school i got a full time job to support us. Put food on the table, have a place to live. Everything i did was to make her happy. It felt like it was all a waste. I just wanted to crawl into a black hole and never come out. I have never done her wrong. I never looked at other women, watch porno, cheat, do any these kinds of things just for her. She is my first love, first kiss, first everything i ever shared with another person. It's just hard to deal with these emotions because i feel as if im sucked dry and shes going to leave me with excuses about missing her family. It just really hurts because it took me over a year to get one kiss from her ( which i had to make the move). And it only took another guy 1 day to do which she made a move on. That's what hurts me the most out of this heartbreak is how someone could do something i couldn't do in that amount of time. Both of our mothers have been cheated on, and i thought she would be the last person who ever do something like this. Im able to forgive her, and its just the start. But its very hard to ever trust her again. I cry at night because of my heartbreak. I thought i was a tough guy, but this is a pain im not able to endure. i'm just glad im not the only one who feels like this.

    This site is amazing. I am 24 yrs old just finishing college, and have been through an unbelievable amount of hearbreak over the past few years. My first boyfriend my first everything at 17, fr 7 years, didnt want to change. i kept leaving him i couldnt take his shit. and then he decided to cheat and be with a girl who accepted his pathetic ass for not working or having any purpose in life. I thought i was going to die. This time around, a year ago, i feel for a guy who adored me. absolutely adored me like no other. He had a rough past, did drugs, clubs, slept around all this nonsense but he promised me he would be different. And he was. he was amazing. I gace him a very hard time because i wanted to know his heart was really with me. Come summer time, he did a 360. always left me at his house alone while he went out and partied, no idea where he was, treated me bad off and on. He was EXTREMELY moody and i guess you could say bipolar. I didnt understand what was going on. were off and on. he would always chase me when I would break up with him. The first time he cried in his moms arms. the few tims after that, he chased me a bit and Id take him back. On our one year, he broke up with me in the mrning. absolutely killed me. I found needles in his room. apparently he had been doing drugs half way through our relationship and needed help. and didnt want me to be around for it to see him go through this. Kept admitting his faults. then again the games began and he chased me. I recently shut him out and he went bizerk. i gave in yesterday and no response. He ignored me like usual. I have always been there for him and hes only there for me when it suits him. I love him but it is fading. Iv never felt this way about anyone. Ive lost weight, I dont eat enough, I dont sleep at all. But i am keeping myself busy. Working out a lot, eating more and healthier, jut going out and running, keeping in touch with friends. the key is to KEEP YOURSELF BUSY NO MATTER WHAT. I know we all feel alone and it hurts but remember space occurs so change can happen!! i just look up positive inspirational quotes and it keeps me going..

    Its hard and im sorry we all have to go through this but everything happens for a reason remember that. and karma is a bitch i promise you all. Im going to print out positive quotes tomorrow and paste them on my wall so i wake up and see them everyday to keep me motivated. i had to do this exactly a year ago. same shit. heart broken and had to motivate myself. well, here we go again. We will all make it through. we cannot be victims like so many, we must be strong. we must keep in the sunlight and bring our own sunshine wherever we go as painful as this is, we will survive.

    think about the damage stress causes us. who gives a shit about these idiots that hurt us i mean their not gnna have heart problems, but we will. why bother? life is short and its beautiful. we must enjoy it! <3

    My boyfriend of three years broke up with me yesterday. We were broken up before but got back together in January. He told me yesterday he didn't love me anymore, just in a friend way. I broke. I just busted out crying because the pain hurt so much. It feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and I have no reason to live. Everything I do reminds me of him. I think about how happy he made me feel and I start crying again. I've been crying since last night and haven't stopped since. I can't watch romantic movies because they do the same things he did for me. I remember hearing "I love you" and feeling like I was on top of the world. I just miss him so much and I love him...It hurts. I put on fake smiles but it doesn't reach my heart. I'm thinking I won't find the same love again. He was my soulmate..

    I know how you feel .....i what with my ex two years thought that it would be for ever. He dumped me and i felt like my life wash over i cried and never did anything cause it all reminded me of him. .
    .its been six months i have no contact atall with him it still hurts but time will heal dont think this is the end because in many ways its a beginning.

    Hi there everyone, its quite surreal reading everyones stories and being able to relate because of heartbreak, its encouraging to hear people get over it even though it may take a while, i hope your all feeling a little better today.
    Im a 30 year old man and recently met a lady older of 37, i only new her for 4 months but fell head over heels. It was obvious she had had her heartbroke by a previous relationship because of numerous things she told me as had i 7 years previous but i kept it to myself. She said she wanted to take things slowly which i was cool about, i would have done anything for her but realise now that my kindness was being taken as a weakness. Have you ever felt something to be so right but so wrong at the same time, my head was saying get the hell out of this somethings wrong but my heart was already a mile ahead of me.

    The last week i spoke to her she called me her boyfriend one day, the next that all her friends couldn't wait to meet me to the next day when i last saw her saying could we just be friends and turned real cold on me aswel ? I couldn't believe what i was hearing, I walked away so crushed and confused. It played on my mind so much thinking what the hell happened i phoned her 4 weeks later to ask and stupidly see if there was a chance of meeting up again. She told me that i was a nice guy and i'd make someone really happy one day, slightly patronizing, and that she " thinks its just the age thing ". It was such a lame reason because up until i last saw her there was never any uneasiness that i at least was aware of, of the age gap. People say its her loss, but it sure feels like ive lost out. I had so many laughs and good times with her i wonder why i didn't make her happy.
    The pain that comes with this heartbreak business is horrible, the rejection and knowing someone i fell in love with doesn't want to know me makes it so hard to move on. One positive thing i keep telling myself is that i did get over the last heartbreak so will get over this one, you have to, life's to short and precious to live in the past and rob the present.

    The article is interesting but that stages of death has been debunked - people who are dying don't go through a progression of emotions, they can happen all at once, in a different order or get stuck in loops - and applying these to greiving is even less credible - you can be a decade past the death and a small thing can occur and make it feel like yesterday

    http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=five-fallacies-of-grief
    and
    http://www.grief.net/Articles/Myth%20of%20Stages.pdf

    I'm pretty sure there are peer-reviewed studies out there that say watching old Steve Martin movies and eating foods that contain copious amounts of butter and/or sugar speeds up the heartbreak process by up to 45%.

    And drinking between 4 and 7 pints of dark beer a day can help one get over it an astonishing 84% faster (on average).

    Heartbreak yah it totally sucks, ok so im going through this and im 22 year old male that was in a 16 month relationship. I thought the world of her, seriously i thought she was the one but i foudn out that she wasnt, she always texted her ex-boyfriend and said they were friends but i couldnt see anyone beeing friends with their ex's so we got into a couple fights like that but everything was going smoothly, she called me 4 days ago on the phone and said "hey matt we need to talk" she broke my heart so i put single on my reltionship status on facebook and myspace and i thought that would be that, i then found out that we never really had a closing the day after she broke up with me so we went to dinner and it seemed like it was back to same old things until she didnt call me back after the next day, i then saw that she was talking to all these guys on her facebook and myspace(it hurt) then i called her and ask if she would want to chill she said "yes" and we chilled all day yesterday and i thought everything was going to be great and it turned out awesome, later last night i was laying in bed with her and she said "hey we need to take it step by step, take it slow ok?" i said sure, then i asked her about all these parties and if her exboyfriend was there, she said "wow really matt you dont believe me" and i said ok ok, she then went and took a shower while i was sitting in bed and looked through her phone because how secretive you ladies can be at times seriously,,,, and i saw that she was texting her exboyfriend and they were flirting but it was not until i got to her bestfriends texts where i saw that she said "ohhhh yay girly last night i made so and so drive me and my ex back to my house becuase we were sooo drunk" i also saw "yay so my ex and i just snuggled and did nothing else" and "gosh i wish my ex was single right now", i went crazy but like everyone says got out classy its the best thing to do, i slidd back into bed and didnt say anything because i was at her house and if i did say anything then i would not get a ride home because she drove me to her house, haha sooo i get in her car and halfway home where i thought if i had to walk i could make it, i said "hey i cant believe that you said nothing is going on with and your ex, i love you and i will always miss you and i hope and wish the best of best luck to you and your ex boyfriend,, take care girl" and i walked out, well being that this is a small town i heared that she is super mad right now, i believe this is because i looked through her phone, mabye i cant see that their just friends (i doubt it, what exboyfriend or exgirlfriend would say there just friends by snuggling FOLK THAT), and thirdly shes mad because she made a mistake, i love how i turned it around that i broke up with her rather than her breaking up with me, she is only 19 and younger girls are just not that mature yet, soo all in all dont talk to your ex's, dont lie, dont snuggle with your ex's and dont try to give the person you broke up with a thought that you might be coming back,,,, I am really heartbroken right now but im just lifting weights like sick now, i will always love you E-M,,, i will always miss you too,,,,

    i was dumped 1 year 10 months ago. time? healing? i dont even know
    depression 100%. i dont even know. dont care. just.. dont care.
    very hopless. and i have tried. i have. just hearbroken? funny,

    I;ve heard it said that we are spiritual beings experiencing the human condition. The human emotional condition is a spectrum, ranging from grief/heartbreak on one end to joy on the other, and it takes the experience of one end to fully apprciate the other. When I have had intense feelings of pain there is a little trick that has helped me. I try to imagine myself stepping back and observing myself as I feel the pain. In this way I remind myself that there is an essential part of me--that observer--that cannot be touched by the experience or the pain.

    Great article thank you. Yes I'm also going through this and am absolutely bitter and desolate. One thing I am experiencing is that when you love someone so deeply, and your love is not returned part of the pain is caused by a feeling of worthlessness. Am I really not good enough? Especially when she says to you that you are the best man she has ever known, and everything is "right". But she just does not think she will fall in love, and theres no chemistry. That is the worst and most painful rejection.

    I've been going through the worst heartache and dealing with emotions i never thought I would, I'm 25 yrs old and gave my all to someone who made me feel like i was the most beautiful person. He said anything and everything that would make anyone fall in love. For 2 and a half years I gave my all...went out of my way to do anything for this person and I never needed anything in return cuz he was my everything. Then out of nowhere he had no idea what he wanted out of his life and i never even saw it coming.. We still have to talk and its gonna happen this week but I just have no idea what to say or do in this situation, I'm so afraid that having gone through this experience and dealing with this heartbreak is gonna leave me in so much pain and have so much fear to open myself up to another person again. I cry everyday...i feel physical pain and ive lost so much weight in a short period of time. A part of me wants to let him go so i can begin to heal and be ready for my fall semester at school cuz i cant deal with distractions like this when i start. But i do want to thank everyone for posting their stories...its very comforting your not alone and makes me feel a little less crazy....so thank u

    i'm dying inside especially reading that all of you have gone through or are going through the same thing because our love was supposed to be "different", it was supposed to be elevated compared to the common person love and here i am with the same symptoms as everyone else. my problem is that i keep letting him repeat the pain, just when i think he's gone and there's nothing more, he comes back, tells me he needs me and i do it all over again. i think i need help.

    This article has helped me. It does not diminish the anguish of my heart, but validates my internal feelings. Out of the blue, and a week after he invited me to move in with him and said he'd 'take me to the grave', he breaks up with me via a stone cold email. Pulls the plug, builds a wall and refuses any communication. It felt like a complete assault from the one I loved the most. A week later we reconciled, I was jubilant. Yet the following day he sent another stoic email. I have barely eaten in 8 days. My sleep is sporadic and actual rest seems impossible. But I am starting to pull through. I am angry at him, not for the break-up, for the ways in which he did it. I am now trying to caress my own heart and do things I enjoy. It's going to be a long road to full recovery but I am optimistic that there is a true life lesson here (as there always is) and for me it is to always love myself first. Good luck to all of you other heartbroken souls. I wish you the best.

    This really helped me. Im in the last stage i think of heartbreak- i was just checking to make sure there werent any more stages and this was all over. I know i went through the first stage for about 2 days. I was just so surprised it actually happened and i never thought about it too long. I remember thinking 'arent i suppose to be hurt or upset?' but i never felt a thing. Then the next two stages came all in one day. It was the worst night of my life. It really did pysically hurt. I never cried so much. Then the depression stage came for a couple weeks. I actually went to the doctor to make sure it wasnt real depression. I never thought about anything and moped around the house. Now i think of memories and instead of crying- i think of the future and how i can do those things again with someone new. It really helps. and staying busy is VERY effective. Ive gone full days without feeling upset over it at all. Its been over a month since the breakup, and it has been hard. I hope i can forget about it all together soon.

    My heart is still breaking after finding out my husband of many, many years has been cheating on me all along,...one night stands, short affairs, a 5 year affair and then a 6 month affair... during our courtship, while engaged and when married. I guess when he got caught, he stopped after asking forgiveness and declared that he loved me and wanted our marriage to work. Alcohol and drugs gave him the courage to cheat but he could have stopped. It's been three years since I found out. He continues to declare his love, shows me that he does and doesn't go out without me. Does time heal heartbreak. Not for this lady; I still cry. I no longer know what was real and what was fake in all the years we were together. Yes, he has changed but my heart continues to break from the humiliation, deceit and lies that came from a man whom I loved with my whole heart and trusted him with everything dear to me. People, think twice before you have a fling because it is like a life sentence for the victim who still doesn't know "WHY". Women who have affairs with married men...they mostly use you. The whore that had the 5 year affair was very badly hurt by him...all she was to him was relief from his lies, booze, drugs and sex but she thought that, in the end, he would leave me or I would leave him. I was in the process of divorcing him...why I took him back after finding out about his deceit, I still do not know. Perhaps it was to save him from a life of drugs and alcohol. Maybe for the sake of our children....we are still together and regardless of his declaration of love, my heart still is breaking. I wish I could tell you all how you can forget and get on with your life and not have the breakup haunt you, but I can't. If someone out there knows how to forget and find happiness, let me know. Good luck to you all.

    Hi,
    I want to know wots goin into the mind of a person wen they are betraying someone they once proclaimd they love.... or how can someone break up & move on even after they have loved the other person (psychologically).

    For the 1st time in my life i experince heart break sigh its been tough im not gonna lie sometimes i jzt cant hold back the tears sometimes i scream at the mirror other times i jzt go straight to bed and cover myself up in sheets so that nobody see's me cry and for some reason i know this had to happen to me this was a part of my destiny... let me tell you my story well sort of long story short there was this girl she showed me mix signals and then out of nowhere i found she has a boy friend for 3 days i told myself not to attempt to steal her but i ended up attempting it at the time i thought it was going to work for me but again out of nowhere she tells me nope so i went through the motions for the 1st time and damn it was so hard some days i really did feel like ending it all with one cut of the blade or laying on train tracks etc either way when i was thinking of what i did wrong i remembered praying to god which for me happens to be jesus christ to help me grow as a person and lose weight and heart break did jzt that for me... i use to be some what of a player i would on what people call sluts or skanks and act like i really cared about them and that i did not think of them in that light so i really never gave them a chance because i always knew what i wanted which was to please myself so yeah now i realise that i was wrong to doing that and that there also people and even if on the out side they seem as if there okay on the inside who knows how they feel maybe they have been looking for love and that there only way to express it so it help me with that and i use to make fun of my friends when they would cry for a girl i would think to myself this idiot is crying for a girl even though there are hundres and billlions of them out there but heart break help me deal with that and i know i have grown as person because i realize what i did was wrong and ask for forgiveness i even went as far as to ask the girls boyfriend for forgiveness which was a really humbling experince and i need that and as far as the weight loss i never said to myself lose weight to try to get her back when you look better but every time i thought of her ofr thought of crying or killing myself i would get up and jzt go run and i made myself belief that i was running away from the feelings i have for her and it actually worked i lost a lot of weight and yeah i guess my prayers have been sort so thank you god well sort off

    Heartbreak is the worst! I've gone through begging him to take me back, being angry and vengeful and then depressed. It's really hard to get over someone you built your whole world around, someone you thought would fight for you and would accept and love you for who you are. It has been a year and 3 mos. since i have cut communication with my ex. We were together almost 4 yrs. I felt it was for the best because we have been exchanging insulting messages through text and facebook. Can someone please tell me how you can ever forget someone you gave your entire self to? I really want to move on and get over him. I've tried going to a psychiatrist, getting into walking and boxing to release stress and anger, going into a diet to lose weight, going out with friends. They make me forget temporarily but there are still times when I'm by myself and then I begin to just reminisce and cry. I don't want to feel like this anymore. Help!

    yes heartbreaks do hurt and hurt Big time. but probably they heal as well. It probably doesn't go away altogether but just fades away slowly very very gradually. I still cry sometimes when I am low and think about him. Its hard to let go. Ours was a 10 year old relation. I was just 17 years when i First met him. My world practically revolved around him. I still mean him well and really hope that he moves on in life as I am struggling to do so as well. Just happens that I worry for him more than about myself. We broke off almost a year ago but were in touch and even tried to patch up in between. But it didn't work out. Just hope life has better days ahead for both of us in our own different ways now......

    when you remember that love we all aspire to that is the moment when you have a trickling of the one you are made after God , His pattern is the master key to our existence and we simply cannot help it....
    ((Corinthians 13))

    stumbled across this page ..just looking around ...felt i had to leave a comment i spilt from my boyfriend over 2 years ago first 6months was like a living hell ...endless crying ,,blaming myself ,couldnt do anything go any where ..my poor friends kept hearing the same old story endless times ..it was awful ...time as gone on two years now although im not crying so much ..and feel a little better .but still think about everything every single day ..im starting too worry will this feeling of lost ever leave ..is it normal to grieve so long after a break up ..notice most people are saying it took them only months to get over there heartbreak ..

    I'm 45yrs old....46 in just a few days. This is not my first heart break...but it's certainly the worst. It's been 4 months..and it still feels like yesterday. Today, death seems like the most glorious thing in the world, than to ever have to face another day without him. I hate that I've allowed myself to feel this way about someone...allowed him to have so much of my energy in such a bad way. It doesn't seem to have gotten any better, in fact, as time passes and I begin to realize he is probably moving on and seeing other people, it's worse. What does a person do? How does a person cope, go on? It seems like such an awful outcome of something that was once so awesome....

    Just wondering how you are doing......I am 50 and in the 4th month of the worst pain of my life. I thought I had suffered through broken hearts before - even after the ending of my 15 year marriage but nothing compares to this. He is over 60 so I thought for sure that I had truly found someone who was ready and capable of a life lasting love and companionship. I am so devastated. I do believe the heartbreaks are worse as you get older because you lose the desire to keep searching.

    Julie,
    My heart and soul bleed for you, because I know how bad you feel. It's been 9 moths now, and I am learning to laugh again and rejoin the world a little, not a day goes by that I don't cry and wonder why. Now, I found out that 2 wks after we broke up, he stared seeing someone new and they are still together, which breaks my heart again and again. Why wasn't I good enough?? He still won't speak to me or respond to me anytime I reach out to him, so I've finally stopped torturing myself and DO NOT reach out anymore. I'm afraid to go anywhere for fear of having to see him with someone else. It's just miseralbe. Everyone thinks I'm an idiot to still even be sad over him, but it's so hard when you had once thought at our age we'd finally met an adult...and we loved each other and these sill childish breakups wouldn't happen anymore. I wish I could tell you it get easier with time. It's doesn't'. Somehow day to come and you all of a sudden are getting throught them a little better....your hear doesn't ache every minute of every hour anymore, but it still aches....so it's gets better, but not easier. I don't want to become hard hearted and cynical about love and relationships...but I can fee the wall building around my heart and they cynasicsm is nearly impossible to suppress. Even after my divorce, still loved like and the wonder of what tomorrow hat in store and just know someday I'd love again...but this relationship has changed everything. I don't know if I'll ever let anyone in again...why would I want to. I don't think I'll ever feel normal again....and one by one, I'm losing ever friend i ever had. Please, get help and try to heal before you get where I am....but I know how you feel and even wanting to or having the stregth to get help is difficult, not to mention...alot of the help did me no good. I really believe now that sometimes a hurt or heartbreak is so bad, you can't be helped. Like a terminal illness. Only when you're physically "unfixalbe" they give you hospice. For hurt and heartbreak, you're consider weak and not worth spending but so much energy on them before giving up. my emain address is nursetigrr@aol.com. if i can help, please write...or if you just need a sounding board or to vent.... I'm so sorry for what you've gone through...At our ages, it hurts worse, lasts longer, and damages badly.. Big warm hugs is what I'm sending you, something that is what I need more than anything...but have never gotten one... Hang in there...and holler if you need a friend. Nancy

    Julie,
    I just reread my response to you and saw all of the typos...so I hope you were able to understand most of what I was trying to say. Re reading your post made me think of a couple of more things I wanted to say. You are absolutely right about it being harder, because we lose our desire to searh. or the energy. At our age, I know that LAST place you'll find me is at a bar, the whole internet dating thing scares me to death....and most of our friend are married or in a commited relationship without a lot of single people in theirs lives to fix us up with. At our age, relationships don't come knocking at our doors or ask us to help they choose the righ cut of meat in the grocerty store. So even our chances of meeting someone at our age, lessens and becoms less likely. If you do the the burst of enery or desire to "search"....where do we do? Do we start going to funerals of total strangers and check out the new widow??? And it's not the same for men. I don't care what anyone says. Men (most anyway) seen like they always have to have a woman in their life. They break up..within weeks, they are ofen dating again....they divorce, within months they are married again..... At our age, when we lose the man we really believe was the one, we feel very hopeless. and again, like a terminally ill pt...we just want the pain to stop, even if that means dying peacefully during the night. While I think I've worked through most of my suicde fantasies.....it doesn't make the hurt any less. I know my comments probably didn't help or give you any hope, but it does help to know that there is someone that has been through it too and undersand how bad you hurt. I really wish I could just hug you and we cry until we couldn't cry anymore...knowing we both knew what the tears were all about...know I'm thinking of you and would drop anything and everything if you were to write and needed someone to talk to. Hang in there....There is a song that I heard driving home from Richmond last week. I literally had to stop at Barnes and Nobles before I got home and get the CD...and listen to the song over and over again ...all the way home. While i cried until my chest hurt....the words also gave me the first ray of hope I'd felt since all this happened. Listen to it...maybe it will help you too!!
    Hugs,
    Nancy

    Duh...I guess the name of the song would help.... It's by Leona Lewis....it's called "Better with Time"... I'm also posting the lyrics. It's the most beautiful song I've heard in a long time. I like country, blues, bluegrass and oldies...this is definitly no my kind of music...but the words really hit me...

    Leona Lewis
    "Better With Time

    It's been the longest winter without you
    I didn't know where to turn to
    See somehow I can't forget you
    After all that we've been through

    Going coming
    Thought I heard a knock
    Who's there no one
    Thinking that I deserved it
    Now I realize that I really didn't know
    If you didn't notice you meant everything
    Quickly I'm learning to love again
    All that I know is I'm gonna be ok

    Thought I couldn't live without you
    I know It's gonna hurt when it heals too
    It'll all get better in time
    Even though I really love you
    I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
    It'll all get better in time

    I couldn't turn on the TV
    Without something there to remind me
    Was it all that easy
    To just put aside your feeling

    If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
    It hurts my feelings but that's the path
    I believe in
    And I know time will heal it all
    If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
    Quickly I'm learning to love again
    All I know is I'm gonna be ok

    Thought I couldn't live without you
    It's gonna hurt when it heals too
    It'll all get better in time
    Even though I really love you
    I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
    It'll all get better in time

    Since there's no more you and me (This layt part was the part that meant the most to me!!!)
    It's time I let you go
    So I can be free
    And live my life how it should be
    No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
    Yes I will

    Thought I couldn't live without you
    It's gonna hurt when it heals too
    It'll all get better in time
    Even though I really love you
    I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to (yes I do)
    It'll all get better in time

    Hope this gives you the little jump of home it did me

    A very different kind of song helped me laugh and get some anger out when my girlfriend dumped me. Try checking out Sam Kinison's video cover of "Wild Thing." The lyrics are all about an evil bitch who screwed him over. So therapeautic and funny. RIP SAM, you were a genius.

    Nancy - i can't tell you what your words meant to me. I have been praying for some peace in my heart and finally, one of my prayers have been answered. I don't have the energy to say what I would like to say to you this evening but I will be sending you something very soon. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you - Julie

    I hope this email finds you well. Once again, that you so much for writing to me. Funny, I've been searching for someone, ANYONE, who understands what I'm going through and now I'm just at a loss for words. I still don't have the energy to really put in to words exactly what I'm feeling and my depression certainly has a strong hold on me. I don't want to live like this but don't know a way out of it. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy and my mind plays such tricks on me. Last summer was the best of my life so although I so look forward to spring, I am worried what the nice weather and all those memories will do to me. I miss him so much and pray every day for a reconnciliation so every day that passes hurts me more and more. I know so few single people around my age and frankly, why would any man want me if the one I thought really loved me didn't.....I know you know what I mean. I didn't sign up for this and am starting to get angry that I can't have the life I want. It seems everyone else does so it is hard to not take it personally. Oh to have my young heart back again - so resiliant and always thought something else was right around the corner. I sure don't feel that anymore! I will stop for now but thanks so much for listening to me. I really haven't told anyone how much I am really hurting and guess I need to start getting it out. Sometimes I would just love to let him know what he has done to me but why? he would give it a thought and then just go about his life....Thanks again dear - Hugs back to you, Julie

    Julie...I've been waiting anxiously to hear that your ok..so glad to finally get a response. I know what you mean about the weather and fear of new memories..it will happen. I still keep thinking "this time last year"....and I crawl back inside my depression and cry for hours. Every day bring a memory.. and it hurts... hurts like hell, and it's not fair. I just have to believe....for you and for me....there has to be something more. Surely we would not be put through all of this pain to come out in the end with nothing... Funny how it's much easier to say it, than to feel it...or put my words into action. I am going back to counseling Monday. I hope I can be honest with this one.. I just want to feel at ease inside again..I'm not asking for that beautiful feeling that love gives us..just peace. I think you probably know what I mean. Hang in there...please email if you need me. We have to keep going...or we'll never know what we missed.... Hugs. Nancy

    I'm eighteen years old and have been dealing with heartbreak for sometime now... When I was seven we moved from Oregon to Minnesota. I was angry we moved I loved it there and to this day I miss my life there. I still have friends there but we don't talk much. The pain is unbearable when I reflect on the past. How unhappy I am here compared to there I could curl up and die from the pain. I just miss my life so much. I haven't been able to move on and I live in the past. To experience this on a daily basis is tearing me apart... Here I also have had relationships but I can't seem to commit myself to anyone or anything for fear of losing it. But i have taken a chance with one person. He was my best friend and he made me happy and I started to look towards the future. Then when things were finally looking up for me things went bad so quickly and I lost my best friend now things are worse than ever. I'm not sure if I can go through living me life like this when my heart is constantly in pain. When I llook towards the future I can honestly say it doesn't look to hopeful for me.

    read this article...

    http://www.asktheinternettherapist.com/counselingarchive-end-of-a-relati...

    i wish i'd found it months ago...

    read this article...

    http://www.asktheinternettherapist.com/counselingarchive-end-of-a-relati...

    i wish i'd found it months ago...

    Honestly, exercise a little restraint. There is no such thing as the perfect love, so don't try and make it like that. Be realistic, and then you can be happy.

    Hello, I am one year out of an 19 year marriage. My wife had cheated several times before. This time she found someone that moved her in. She left me and my two teen boys. I have had me and them in counsiling for a year now. It hasnt worked for me. The pain is not as bad but, I still love and miss her very much. You know the old saying do me wrong once shame on you Do me wrong twice shame on me? Well As many times as she created I just couldnt let go. She is Bipolar and she used this as her crutch for years. Well now the kids wont talk to her and she doesnt want to talk to me. I do feel better but just like tonight I felt so down. I know I couldnt kill myself cause I still have my boys to raise but the pain does get bad for me sometimes. Wonder why I cant just let her go out of my mind? Its like I'm addicted to her or something. She was always pretty to me but at her age of 43 she has lost alot of her beauty. Thats why I feel like I truely loved her. I feel like I gave her the best years of my life. I feel like now I will live the rest of my life single because I can never trust anyone again.

    David...I understand your feelings well. I can't seem to let go either. Even though I know it's the best thing to do all the way around. Check out a site called exaholics.com
    It might be helpful for you..
    Nancy

    Its nice to know im not alone. Im going through heartbreak right now and ive never felt anything like it. He told me he loved me and i beleived him. I beleived all the things he said and all the things we talked about doing and now its all down the drain. It was all for nothing. I literally gave myself to him, in several ways. And he just dumped me four days later! How can any of it have meant anything to him?? If he can just throw me out like last week's trash and have a new girlfriend the next day? Its killing me I cant take this pain I wouldnt wish this on anyone. I've never been actually depressed before now but i just saw what the symptoms of depression are and ive got every one except alcohol abuse. Ive never been in love before and i was saving myself for the one and i thought he was. He knew how important those things were to me and he said he cared but he clearly did not really give a shit. It hurts so bad. I found it interesting that the brain cant tell the difference between heartbreak and physical pain. Because there is no doubting that this right here is as bad as any physical pain Ive had. He dumped me for some chick he barely knows, who has a fricken kid by the way.I swear, Ive necer hated anyone that I dont even know so much. She better hope we never run into each other and she isnt preggo or she doesnt have her kid with her. Because I wont be able to control myself I will kick her ass. I dont care how much older she is than me, shes pretty small.

    He will probably never know what he's done to me. And he's so confusing he still wants to be "close friends" even though he never does that with any of his ex's so I dont know why he cares and then also he gave me these rings when we were together and when he thought I got rid of them he got pissed and I dont know why he would even care anymore.

    I just cant stop thinking about all the good times and everything we did and all those things he said. I always told myself i would never let myself get so close to someone so that I would never have to know how this feels. But I was stupid and I did it anyway. And whats worse is I had gotten close to his family too to where they were like a second family to me and he just took that from me too. Everybody is saying it will get better and you will get over it and maybe thats true but its also true that when the pain is the worst, it feels like it is going to last forever. All the promisses he broke all the lies he told... man Im so stupid.

    Well I didnt really expect to write so much but maybe it was kind of good for me to vent. Im probably just being a little selfish but i really cant help it I have never been so hurt. =' [

    I'm so glad I came on this site/forum. Just by reading your post I realized how our stories are so similar. I mean to the exact. I've been with my exbf for about 2 1/2 yrs it's very heartbreaking when someone you once trusted with your life, your best friend, and soulmate could ever betray you. This man never bought anything to the table. He's never worked and still lives at home, nor does he contribute to anything at his own home. I on the other hand am very content, career driven, nurturing and very carefree. He and I were completely opposite like night and day. While he's a social butterfly, binge drinks and parties way too much for his age 32. I was always working long hours, paying bills, cooking, cleaning etc....I knew I was completely different from all the girls he dated. I'm not a model, porn star or bar girl (these are the type of girls he dates) I'm just a 29 year home bodied, conservative girl with morals. Needless to say I'm not judging anyone and I apologize in advance if I offended anyone. Anyway this man has put me through so much and I can honestly say it's so hard accept. I've devoted myself, sanity, money and everything else to this person. Yet he had the audacity to cheat on me. Not just once or twice but 3xs. I can't bare the agony of it any longer. This last betrayal is by far the worst I could ever experience. I know what you're thinking....fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.....yes shame on me. I followed my heart thinking and hoping he'll change. He promised me and led me to believe that it would never happen again. Boy I was wrong.....he uses my car to go and do his dirty deed and on top of that he expects me to put money in his pocket because he's entitled to it being that I love him. I took it really hard this time around because he's been cheating with this bar girl for about 1 year now. Not to sound shallow or anything but she had an 11yr old child and she's just a 35 yr old bar lady that dresses like one of them jersylicious divas. Hillarious!!! She new about my existence from the beginning yet she pursued my bf. How I caught them was pretty hurtful and I'm glad I did. It answered all the questions I had and it pieced everything together. A whole entire year.....I trusted this man and gave him the benefit of the doubt. I allowed him back into my life time after time.....it was his 32 bday and he had mentioned that he was going rent a hotel with his "buddies" so I said ok. For some reason I wanted to go bar hopping that same night and I did. Something told me to visit a particular bar....my intuition was very strong at the moment. I already had a feeling about this OW for months, heard about her because he mentioned her name, where she works and who she was to him. (just a friend) so anyway I saw his car parked on the side of the road and I already knew. I wanted to see it in person, just to validate my suspicions. Sure enough as I approached and entered the establishment I saw him sitting in the corner. As the bartender took my drink orders I asked her to send a shot to my bf's way. Soon enough that same bartender approached and ask me who I was to that guy I just bought a drink for? Are you his girlfriend? I said yes we've been dating for 2 1/2 years we live together. Her face dropped and then she said well I've been seeing him for 9 months already and got pregnant 3xs. He later walked over to me and ask what I was doing here. He demanded I leave and said I was very gutsy for pulling a stunt like this. I could tell he was lost for words.....it's like a deer in a headlight. I was so hurt and said to him "so this is your hotel getaway".....he chose her in front of me and told me he never loved me and wants to be with her. I was devastated. He said the meanest thing he could ever say to me. It was like he became a totally different person. Soon after on my way home, it finally registered to me what had happened...... I processed everything that just happened and thought about all those times he went out with his friends, late night rendezvous, he'll sneak out at 3/4 in he morning. I mean just everything all the lies. It all made sense to me. I broke down and cried so hard to the point where I felt like was so meaningless at the moment. My world was gone and crumbled as if I had no soul. The last person I thought would be there to protect me has chosen another path. I wanted to just die at the moment. I jumped out of the car while my gf was driving me home and literally attempted to jump off the cliff. But hearing her voice how scared she was and traumatizing it'll be for her, I couldn't put her through that. I didn't want her to live with that guilt so I calmed down and came back to the car with her. We came back to his house and started to pack. I didn't know where I was going but I knew I had to leave. He didn't have anything else to say to me except "you did this to yourself" then to make me feel worse he calls her while i'm packing to tell her that i'm leaving. How he's so sorry to her etc. Wow really are you fucking serious. He explained himself to her and wanted to work it out. At that moment I became weak. I crumbled and as I was done packing I couldn't find myself to leave. So I stayed.....later in the morning we heard the door bell rang. His niece answered the door and came to our room and told me that there's a police officer. So I attended to him wondering wtf is going on at this early in the morning. I asked calmly what and why? Then he says someone had email something on FB stating that someone in your household were being abused by her bf? Are you Miss _____? I'm like yes I am and no I'm not being abused. I will never in a million years email or post anything like that for everyone to know my business. I'm way to distraught to even take my time to email or post anything for that matter. So then the officer asked for the bf, he wanted to question us seperately. So I had to wake him up. During questioning, they had to run his name in their data base to see if he had any outstanding warrants. Turns out he did so they had to take him. I don't know, how and why this happened or what the motives were but he blames me for his arrest. We had to post bail an hour later so I had to figure out how I was gonna get the money. I only had a few hundred and had to go out of my way to borrow from someone else. While I was doing that I'm thinking wtf am I doing? Why am I doing this for him when it should be the other woman? But I did it anyway because I still love him deeply. After all that chaos we came home and talked......I mean we talked for hours and then I told him
    I needed to leave. I booked for the first flight out to leave. I couldn't bare the pain of being on the same area with him. He then realized wow this is really happening, such a dramatic change. The I love yous and I'm sorries came out. He began to have second thoughts. As much as I wanted to change my mind and cancel my flight I couldn't. I left the following morning. It was the hardest goodbye ever. On my way to the airport and during my connecting flight I cried so hard. I figured I needed to get away to clear my mind because it was so cloudy I couldn't think straight. We talked almost every night while I was away. He tells me he loves me and misses me and how he can't wait to see me. Then there would be days that he won't call text or answe my calls, I already knew that he had gone to see her. That drove me crazy. Then when he does call I feel better like nothing else matters. Up until the point I couldn't take it anymore. I became homesick because I felt like I left without closure. I ran away from everything and everyone. With no money, I used my last few hundreds to bail him out of jail. I had to come back home. He didn't want me to......yet I did 10 days later. When he picked me up he seemed distant and cold. We talked and said ok we can work this out. Let's do this so we did. A fee weeks went by and I felt like this was too good to be true. I could read him so well.....up until we're with his friend running errands and his friend had asked to use his phone. As he was done I saw an opportunity to go through his phone.....yes I did the no no. I went through his text messages and took down the OWs number. I saw nude photos of them etc.....I became broken all over again. So I called her and told her everything, she thought I was away. I told her I came back because we are working it out. I even forwarded his text messages to me etc.....I confronted him and told him that I went through his phone. Boy oh boy was he upset. Oh well what the heck I don't care at this point. As he calmed down he said sorry I had to see it and asked if I had spoken to her. I denied it. Later that day, she had called him, talked, questioned then ended their relationship. A couple of weeks went by again, I knew something was up so I called her. She admitted that it's hard to just walk away from someone you've developed feelings for. I was speechless, but she told me everything. He was still seeing her behind my back.....I confronted him and he says he needs time to break away from her. I trusted him and said ok....now a month went by and something tells me that this is way too good to be true. So I texted her again and now she tells me idk what is true and what is real anymore if you want the truth you should read his fb. So I did, I had to ask a friend to use their fb because he had blocked me. He has posted songs and dedicated to her saying that he loves her and she's his #1. I was furious and made him take it down. So he did, and told me that we're gonna work through this and make it work between us.....another month passed yet I felt that he wasn't being 100% because all those text messages came pouring in. He's alway on his phone and always uses his friends as an excuse to go out. I didn't say anything because I needed to make sure that if I attacked him with my suspicions I needed more ammo. One night as I came home from hanging out with my friends, I sat down and his phone went off with text messages from her the OW. I'm like wtf why is she still contacting you? I thought you said she was done with you? Excuses came pouring out and mind you not this was 2:30 in the morning. The finally it came out he says to me "I can't do this anymore, I can't take it, it's done I'm over it" "if you want to leave then leave, I've been feelig this way for so long and I don't feel the same way about you anymore" I could tell he meant that and it hurts so bad because I went in this whole, I wore my heart on my sleeves and once again he crushed me. He admitted to
    seeing her this whole entire time. He still blames me for all this.....he's been stringing me along playing yo yo with me and I can't take that pain any longer he tells me loves me and promised that if we worked it out this time he will never do me wrong again. I've been going through his phone not once but twice now recently and all that he expressed to me was just to get me to stay. He's been expressing his love to the OW and how be wants to start a family. I mean nothing to him and that I am in the process of moving out anyway. He promises her that he wants to get his life together so they can start their future. Devastating I say? Indeed, my emotions have been a rollercoaster and I can't eat, sleep or do anything. My heart wants him so bad but my mind is telling me that he's been over me for so long. Sleeping next to him at night is the hardest. We have no physical contact whatsoever. As I'm reading everyone's post I at least gained some piece of mind. I'm thinking outside the box and realized even if I stayed with him this could be ongoing forever. I can't live life of always being worried. Each time he walks out that door I know he's going to see her. He makes a lot of effort and goes out of his way to lie to me just for the OW. He's never done anything like that for me. It hurts because I've invested my love, time and patience with him. His family means everything to me. It's been a tough year, I was laid off early on this year, my car got repo, my mother disowns me and never wants to talk to me and now I lost my bf to the OW. I'm at rock bottom, the lowest of all lows in my life. With all this I was still able to support him with my check and pay for things and provide all I could to keep him happy. Now I can honestly say that I'm ready to let him go. It hurts so bad but I realized that no matter what I do or say he's gonna continue to hurt me. And the saying does go "when you love someone so much you let them go, because if they were meant to be they will return" I really don't think I can ever be with him again because it's been way to painful.

    I'm so glad I came on this site/forum. Just by reading your post I realized how our stories are so similar. I mean to the exact. I've been with my exbf for about 2 1/2 yrs it's very heartbreaking when someone you once trusted with your life, your best friend, and soulmate could ever betray you. This man never bought anything to the table. He's never worked and still lives at home, nor does he contribute to anything at his own home. I on the other hand am very content, career driven, nurturing and very carefree. He and I were completely opposite like night and day. While he's a social butterfly, binge drinks and parties way too much for his age 32. I was always working long hours, paying bills, cooking, cleaning etc....I knew I was completely different from all the girls he dated. I'm not a model, porn star or bar girl (these are the type of girls he dates) I'm just a 29 year home bodied, conservative girl with morals. Needless to say I'm not judging anyone and I apologize in advance if I offended anyone. Anyway this man has put me through so much and I can honestly say it's so hard accept. I've devoted myself, sanity, money and everything else to this person. Yet he had the audacity to cheat on me. Not just once or twice but 3xs. I can't bare the agony of it any longer. This last betrayal is by far the worst I could ever experience. I know what you're thinking....fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.....yes shame on me. I followed my heart thinking and hoping he'll change. He promised me and led me to believe that it would never happen again. Boy I was wrong.....he uses my car to go and do his dirty deed and on top of that he expects me to put money in his pocket because he's entitled to it being that I love him. I took it really hard this time around because he's been cheating with this bar girl for about 1 year now. Not to sound shallow or anything but she had an 11yr old child and she's just a 35 yr old bar lady that dresses like one of them jersylicious divas. Hillarious!!! She new about my existence from the beginning yet she pursued my bf. How I caught them was pretty hurtful and I'm glad I did. It answered all the questions I had and it pieced everything together. A whole entire year.....I trusted this man and gave him the benefit of the doubt. I allowed him back into my life time after time.....it was his 32 bday and he had mentioned that he was going rent a hotel with his "buddies" so I said ok. For some reason I wanted to go bar hopping that same night and I did. Something told me to visit a particular bar....my intuition was very strong at the moment. I already had a feeling about this OW for months, heard about her because he mentioned her name, where she works and who she was to him. (just a friend) so anyway I saw his car parked on the side of the road and I already knew. I wanted to see it in person, just to validate my suspicions. Sure enough as I approached and entered the establishment I saw him sitting in the corner. As the bartender took my drink orders I asked her to send a shot to my bf's way. Soon enough that same bartender approached and ask me who I was to that guy I just bought a drink for? Are you his girlfriend? I said yes we've been dating for 2 1/2 years we live together. Her face dropped and then she said well I've been seeing him for 9 months already and got pregnant 3xs. He later walked over to me and ask what I was doing here. He demanded I leave and said I was very gutsy for pulling a stunt like this. I could tell he was lost for words.....it's like a deer in a headlight. I was so hurt and said to him "so this is your hotel getaway".....he chose her in front of me and told me he never loved me and wants to be with her. I was devastated. He said the meanest thing he could ever say to me. It was like he became a totally different person. Soon after on my way home, it finally registered to me what had happened...... I processed everything that just happened and thought about all those times he went out with his friends, late night rendezvous, he'll sneak out at 3/4 in he morning. I mean just everything all the lies. It all made sense to me. I broke down and cried so hard to the point where I felt like was so meaningless at the moment. My world was gone and crumbled as if I had no soul. The last person I thought would be there to protect me has chosen another path. I wanted to just die at the moment. I jumped out of the car while my gf was driving me home and literally attempted to jump off the cliff. But hearing her voice how scared she was and traumatizing it'll be for her, I couldn't put her through that. I didn't want her to live with that guilt so I calmed down and came back to the car with her. We came back to his house and started to pack. I didn't know where I was going but I knew I had to leave. He didn't have anything else to say to me except "you did this to yourself" then to make me feel worse he calls her while i'm packing to tell her that i'm leaving. How he's so sorry to her etc. Wow really are you fucking serious. He explained himself to her and wanted to work it out. At that moment I became weak. I crumbled and as I was done packing I couldn't find myself to leave. So I stayed.....later in the morning we heard the door bell rang. His niece answered the door and came to our room and told me that there's a police officer. So I attended to him wondering wtf is going on at this early in the morning. I asked calmly what and why? Then he says someone had email something on FB stating that someone in your household were being abused by her bf? Are you Miss _____? I'm like yes I am and no I'm not being abused. I will never in a million years email or post anything like that for everyone to know my business. I'm way to distraught to even take my time to email or post anything for that matter. So then the officer asked for the bf, he wanted to question us seperately. So I had to wake him up. During questioning, they had to run his name in their data base to see if he had any outstanding warrants. Turns out he did so they had to take him. I don't know, how and why this happened or what the motives were but he blames me for his arrest. We had to post bail an hour later so I had to figure out how I was gonna get the money. I only had a few hundred and had to go out of my way to borrow from someone else. While I was doing that I'm thinking wtf am I doing? Why am I doing this for him when it should be the other woman? But I did it anyway because I still love him deeply. After all that chaos we came home and talked......I mean we talked for hours and then I told him
    I needed to leave. I booked for the first flight out to leave. I couldn't bare the pain of being on the same area with him. He then realized wow this is really happening, such a dramatic change. The I love yous and I'm sorries came out. He began to have second thoughts. As much as I wanted to change my mind and cancel my flight I couldn't. I left the following morning. It was the hardest goodbye ever. On my way to the airport and during my connecting flight I cried so hard. I figured I needed to get away to clear my mind because it was so cloudy I couldn't think straight. We talked almost every night while I was away. He tells me he loves me and misses me and how he can't wait to see me. Then there would be days that he won't call text or answe my calls, I already knew that he had gone to see her. That drove me crazy. Then when he does call I feel better like nothing else matters. Up until the point I couldn't take it anymore. I became homesick because I felt like I left without closure. I ran away from everything and everyone. With no money, I used my last few hundreds to bail him out of jail. I had to come back home. He didn't want me to......yet I did 10 days later. When he picked me up he seemed distant and cold. We talked and said ok we can work this out. Let's do this so we did. A fee weeks went by and I felt like this was too good to be true. I could read him so well.....up until we're with his friend running errands and his friend had asked to use his phone. As he was done I saw an opportunity to go through his phone.....yes I did the no no. I went through his text messages and took down the OWs number. I saw nude photos of them etc.....I became broken all over again. So I called her and told her everything, she thought I was away. I told her I came back because we are working it out. I even forwarded his text messages to me etc.....I confronted him and told him that I went through his phone. Boy oh boy was he upset. Oh well what the heck I don't care at this point. As he calmed down he said sorry I had to see it and asked if I had spoken to her. I denied it. Later that day, she had called him, talked, questioned then ended their relationship. A couple of weeks went by again, I knew something was up so I called her. She admitted that it's hard to just walk away from someone you've developed feelings for. I was speechless, but she told me everything. He was still seeing her behind my back.....I confronted him and he says he needs time to break away from her. I trusted him and said ok....now a month went by and something tells me that this is way too good to be true. So I texted her again and now she tells me idk what is true and what is real anymore if you want the truth you should read his fb. So I did, I had to ask a friend to use their fb because he had blocked me. He has posted songs and dedicated to her saying that he loves her and she's his #1. I was furious and made him take it down. So he did, and told me that we're gonna work through this and make it work between us.....another month passed yet I felt that he wasn't being 100% because all those text messages came pouring in. He's alway on his phone and always uses his friends as an excuse to go out. I didn't say anything because I needed to make sure that if I attacked him with my suspicions I needed more ammo. One night as I came home from hanging out with my friends, I sat down and his phone went off with text messages from her the OW. I'm like wtf why is she still contacting you? I thought you said she was done with you? Excuses came pouring out and mind you not this was 2:30 in the morning. The finally it came out he says to me "I can't do this anymore, I can't take it, it's done I'm over it" "if you want to leave then leave, I've been feelig this way for so long and I don't feel the same way about you anymore" I could tell he meant that and it hurts so bad because I went in this whole, I wore my heart on my sleeves and once again he crushed me. He admitted to
    seeing her this whole entire time. He still blames me for all this.....he's been stringing me along playing yo yo with me and I can't take that pain any longer he tells me loves me and promised that if we worked it out this time he will never do me wrong again. I've been going through his phone not once but twice now recently and all that he expressed to me was just to get me to stay. He's been expressing his love to the OW and how be wants to start a family. I mean nothing to him and that I am in the process of moving out anyway. He promises her that he wants to get his life together so they can start their future. Devastating I say? Indeed, my emotions have been a rollercoaster and I can't eat, sleep or do anything. My heart wants him so bad but my mind is telling me that he's been over me for so long. Sleeping next to him at night is the hardest. We have no physical contact whatsoever. As I'm reading everyone's post I at least gained some piece of mind. I'm thinking outside the box and realized even if I stayed with him this could be ongoing forever. I can't live life of always being worried. Each time he walks out that door I know he's going to see her. He makes a lot of effort and goes out of his way to lie to me just for the OW. He's never done anything like that for me. It hurts because I've invested my love, time and patience with him. His family means everything to me. It's been a tough year, I was laid off early on this year, my car got repo, my mother disowns me and never wants to talk to me and now I lost my bf to the OW. I'm at rock bottom, the lowest of all lows in my life. With all this I was still able to support him with my check and pay for things and provide all I could to keep him happy. Now I can honestly say that I'm ready to let him go. It hurts so bad but I realized that no matter what I do or say he's gonna continue to hurt me. And the saying does go "when you love someone so much you let them go, because if they were meant to be they will return" I really don't think I can ever be with him again because it's been way to painful.

    I'm so glad I came on this site/forum. Just by reading your post I realized how our stories are so similar. I mean to the exact. I've been with my exbf for about 2 1/2 yrs it's very heartbreaking when someone you once trusted with your life, your best friend, and soulmate could ever betray you. This man never bought anything to the table. He's never worked and still lives at home, nor does he contribute to anything at his own home. I on the other hand am very content, career driven, nurturing and very carefree. He and I were completely opposite like night and day. While he's a social butterfly, binge drinks and parties way too much for his age 32. I was always working long hours, paying bills, cooking, cleaning etc....I knew I was completely different from all the girls he dated. I'm not a model, porn star or bar girl (these are the type of girls he dates) I'm just a 29 year home bodied, conservative girl with morals. Needless to say I'm not judging anyone and I apologize in advance if I offended anyone. Anyway this man has put me through so much and I can honestly say it's so hard accept. I've devoted myself, sanity, money and everything else to this person. Yet he had the audacity to cheat on me. Not just once or twice but 3xs. I can't bare the agony of it any longer. This last betrayal is by far the worst I could ever experience. I know what you're thinking....fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.....yes shame on me. I followed my heart thinking and hoping he'll change. He promised me and led me to believe that it would never happen again. Boy I was wrong.....he uses my car to go and do his dirty deed and on top of that he expects me to put money in his pocket because he's entitled to it being that I love him. I took it really hard this time around because he's been cheating with this bar girl for about 1 year now. Not to sound shallow or anything but she had an 11yr old child and she's just a 35 yr old bar lady that dresses like one of them jersylicious divas. Hillarious!!! She new about my existence from the beginning yet she pursued my bf. How I caught them was pretty hurtful and I'm glad I did. It answered all the questions I had and it pieced everything together. A whole entire year.....I trusted this man and gave him the benefit of the doubt. I allowed him back into my life time after time.....it was his 32 bday and he had mentioned that he was going rent a hotel with his "buddies" so I said ok. For some reason I wanted to go bar hopping that same night and I did. Something told me to visit a particular bar....my intuition was very strong at the moment. I already had a feeling about this OW for months, heard about her because he mentioned her name, where she works and who she was to him. (just a friend) so anyway I saw his car parked on the side of the road and I already knew. I wanted to see it in person, just to validate my suspicions. Sure enough as I approached and entered the establishment I saw him sitting in the corner. As the bartender took my drink orders I asked her to send a shot to my bf's way. Soon enough that same bartender approached and ask me who I was to that guy I just bought a drink for? Are you his girlfriend? I said yes we've been dating for 2 1/2 years we live together. Her face dropped and then she said well I've been seeing him for 9 months already and got pregnant 3xs. He later walked over to me and ask what I was doing here. He demanded I leave and said I was very gutsy for pulling a stunt like this. I could tell he was lost for words.....it's like a deer in a headlight. I was so hurt and said to him "so this is your hotel getaway".....he chose her in front of me and told me he never loved me and wants to be with her. I was devastated. He said the meanest thing he could ever say to me. It was like he became a totally different person. Soon after on my way home, it finally registered to me what had happened...... I processed everything that just happened and thought about all those times he went out with his friends, late night rendezvous, he'll sneak out at 3/4 in he morning. I mean just everything all the lies. It all made sense to me. I broke down and cried so hard to the point where I felt like was so meaningless at the moment. My world was gone and crumbled as if I had no soul. The last person I thought would be there to protect me has chosen another path. I wanted to just die at the moment. I jumped out of the car while my gf was driving me home and literally attempted to jump off the cliff. But hearing her voice how scared she was and traumatizing it'll be for her, I couldn't put her through that. I didn't want her to live with that guilt so I calmed down and came back to the car with her. We came back to his house and started to pack. I didn't know where I was going but I knew I had to leave. He didn't have anything else to say to me except "you did this to yourself" then to make me feel worse he calls her while i'm packing to tell her that i'm leaving. How he's so sorry to her etc. Wow really are you fucking serious. He explained himself to her and wanted to work it out. At that moment I became weak. I crumbled and as I was done packing I couldn't find myself to leave. So I stayed.....later in the morning we heard the door bell rang. His niece answered the door and came to our room and told me that there's a police officer. So I attended to him wondering wtf is going on at this early in the morning. I asked calmly what and why? Then he says someone had email something on FB stating that someone in your household were being abused by her bf? Are you Miss _____? I'm like yes I am and no I'm not being abused. I will never in a million years email or post anything like that for everyone to know my business. I'm way to distraught to even take my time to email or post anything for that matter. So then the officer asked for the bf, he wanted to question us seperately. So I had to wake him up. During questioning, they had to run his name in their data base to see if he had any outstanding warrants. Turns out he did so they had to take him. I don't know, how and why this happened or what the motives were but he blames me for his arrest. We had to post bail an hour later so I had to figure out how I was gonna get the money. I only had a few hundred and had to go out of my way to borrow from someone else. While I was doing that I'm thinking wtf am I doing? Why am I doing this for him when it should be the other woman? But I did it anyway because I still love him deeply. After all that chaos we came home and talked......I mean we talked for hours and then I told him
    I needed to leave. I booked for the first flight out to leave. I couldn't bare the pain of being on the same area with him. He then realized wow this is really happening, such a dramatic change. The I love yous and I'm sorries came out. He began to have second thoughts. As much as I wanted to change my mind and cancel my flight I couldn't. I left the following morning. It was the hardest goodbye ever. On my way to the airport and during my connecting flight I cried so hard. I figured I needed to get away to clear my mind because it was so cloudy I couldn't think straight. We talked almost every night while I was away. He tells me he loves me and misses me and how he can't wait to see me. Then there would be days that he won't call text or answe my calls, I already knew that he had gone to see her. That drove me crazy. Then when he does call I feel better like nothing else matters. Up until the point I couldn't take it anymore. I became homesick because I felt like I left without closure. I ran away from everything and everyone. With no money, I used my last few hundreds to bail him out of jail. I had to come back home. He didn't want me to......yet I did 10 days later. When he picked me up he seemed distant and cold. We talked and said ok we can work this out. Let's do this so we did. A fee weeks went by and I felt like this was too good to be true. I could read him so well.....up until we're with his friend running errands and his friend had asked to use his phone. As he was done I saw an opportunity to go through his phone.....yes I did the no no. I went through his text messages and took down the OWs number. I saw nude photos of them etc.....I became broken all over again. So I called her and told her everything, she thought I was away. I told her I came back because we are working it out. I even forwarded his text messages to me etc.....I confronted him and told him that I went through his phone. Boy oh boy was he upset. Oh well what the heck I don't care at this point. As he calmed down he said sorry I had to see it and asked if I had spoken to her. I denied it. Later that day, she had called him, talked, questioned then ended their relationship. A couple of weeks went by again, I knew something was up so I called her. She admitted that it's hard to just walk away from someone you've developed feelings for. I was speechless, but she told me everything. He was still seeing her behind my back.....I confronted him and he says he needs time to break away from her. I trusted him and said ok....now a month went by and something tells me that this is way too good to be true. So I texted her again and now she tells me idk what is true and what is real anymore if you want the truth you should read his fb. So I did, I had to ask a friend to use their fb because he had blocked me. He has posted songs and dedicated to her saying that he loves her and she's his #1. I was furious and made him take it down. So he did, and told me that we're gonna work through this and make it work between us.....another month passed yet I felt that he wasn't being 100% because all those text messages came pouring in. He's alway on his phone and always uses his friends as an excuse to go out. I didn't say anything because I needed to make sure that if I attacked him with my suspicions I needed more ammo. One night as I came home from hanging out with my friends, I sat down and his phone went off with text messages from her the OW. I'm like wtf why is she still contacting you? I thought you said she was done with you? Excuses came pouring out and mind you not this was 2:30 in the morning. The finally it came out he says to me "I can't do this anymore, I can't take it, it's done I'm over it" "if you want to leave then leave, I've been feelig this way for so long and I don't feel the same way about you anymore" I could tell he meant that and it hurts so bad because I went in this whole, I wore my heart on my sleeves and once again he crushed me. He admitted to
    seeing her this whole entire time. He still blames me for all this.....he's been stringing me along playing yo yo with me and I can't take that pain any longer he tells me loves me and promised that if we worked it out this time he will never do me wrong again. I've been going through his phone not once but twice now recently and all that he expressed to me was just to get me to stay. He's been expressing his love to the OW and how be wants to start a family. I mean nothing to him and that I am in the process of moving out anyway. He promises her that he wants to get his life together so they can start their future. Devastating I say? Indeed, my emotions have been a rollercoaster and I can't eat, sleep or do anything. My heart wants him so bad but my mind is telling me that he's been over me for so long. Sleeping next to him at night is the hardest. We have no physical contact whatsoever. As I'm reading everyone's post I at least gained some piece of mind. I'm thinking outside the box and realized even if I stayed with him this could be ongoing forever. I can't live life of always being worried. Each time he walks out that door I know he's going to see her. He makes a lot of effort and goes out of his way to lie to me just for the OW. He's never done anything like that for me. It hurts because I've invested my love, time and patience with him. His family means everything to me. It's been a tough year, I was laid off early on this year, my car got repo, my mother disowns me and never wants to talk to me and now I lost my bf to the OW. I'm at rock bottom, the lowest of all lows in my life. With all this I was still able to support him with my check and pay for things and provide all I could to keep him happy. Now I can honestly say that I'm ready to let him go. It hurts so bad but I realized that no matter what I do or say he's gonna continue to hurt me. And the saying does go "when you love someone so much you let them go, because if they were meant to be they will return" I really don't think I can ever be with him again because it's been way to painful.

    I'm so glad I came on this site/forum. Just by reading your post I realized how our stories are so similar. I mean to the exact. I've been with my exbf for about 2 1/2 yrs it's very heartbreaking when someone you once trusted with your life, your best friend, and soulmate could ever betray you. This man never bought anything to the table. He's never worked and still lives at home, nor does he contribute to anything at his own home. I on the other hand am very content, career driven, nurturing and very carefree. He and I were completely opposite like night and day. While he's a social butterfly, binge drinks and parties way too much for his age 32. I was always working long hours, paying bills, cooking, cleaning etc....I knew I was completely different from all the girls he dated. I'm not a model, porn star or bar girl (these are the type of girls he dates) I'm just a 29 year home bodied, conservative girl with morals. Needless to say I'm not judging anyone and I apologize in advance if I offended anyone. Anyway this man has put me through so much and I can honestly say it's so hard accept. I've devoted myself, sanity, money and everything else to this person. Yet he had the audacity to cheat on me. Not just once or twice but 3xs. I can't bare the agony of it any longer. This last betrayal is by far the worst I could ever experience. I know what you're thinking....fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.....yes shame on me. I followed my heart thinking and hoping he'll change. He promised me and led me to believe that it would never happen again. Boy I was wrong.....he uses my car to go and do his dirty deed and on top of that he expects me to put money in his pocket because he's entitled to it being that I love him. I took it really hard this time around because he's been cheating with this bar girl for about 1 year now. Not to sound shallow or anything but she had an 11yr old child and she's just a 35 yr old bar lady that dresses like one of them jersylicious divas. Hillarious!!! She new about my existence from the beginning yet she pursued my bf. How I caught them was pretty hurtful and I'm glad I did. It answered all the questions I had and it pieced everything together. A whole entire year.....I trusted this man and gave him the benefit of the doubt. I allowed him back into my life time after time.....it was his 32 bday and he had mentioned that he was going rent a hotel with his "buddies" so I said ok. For some reason I wanted to go bar hopping that same night and I did. Something told me to visit a particular bar....my intuition was very strong at the moment. I already had a feeling about this OW for months, heard about her because he mentioned her name, where she works and who she was to him. (just a friend) so anyway I saw his car parked on the side of the road and I already knew. I wanted to see it in person, just to validate my suspicions. Sure enough as I approached and entered the establishment I saw him sitting in the corner. As the bartender took my drink orders I asked her to send a shot to my bf's way. Soon enough that same bartender approached and ask me who I was to that guy I just bought a drink for? Are you his girlfriend? I said yes we've been dating for 2 1/2 years we live together. Her face dropped and then she said well I've been seeing him for 9 months already and got pregnant 3xs. He later walked over to me and ask what I was doing here. He demanded I leave and said I was very gutsy for pulling a stunt like this. I could tell he was lost for words.....it's like a deer in a headlight. I was so hurt and said to him "so this is your hotel getaway".....he chose her in front of me and told me he never loved me and wants to be with her. I was devastated. He said the meanest thing he could ever say to me. It was like he became a totally different person. Soon after on my way home, it finally registered to me what had happened...... I processed everything that just happened and thought about all those times he went out with his friends, late night rendezvous, he'll sneak out at 3/4 in he morning. I mean just everything all the lies. It all made sense to me. I broke down and cried so hard to the point where I felt like was so meaningless at the moment. My world was gone and crumbled as if I had no soul. The last person I thought would be there to protect me has chosen another path. I wanted to just die at the moment. I jumped out of the car while my gf was driving me home and literally attempted to jump off the cliff. But hearing her voice how scared she was and traumatizing it'll be for her, I couldn't put her through that. I didn't want her to live with that guilt so I calmed down and came back to the car with her. We came back to his house and started to pack. I didn't know where I was going but I knew I had to leave. He didn't have anything else to say to me except "you did this to yourself" then to make me feel worse he calls her while i'm packing to tell her that i'm leaving. How he's so sorry to her etc. Wow really are you fucking serious. He explained himself to her and wanted to work it out. At that moment I became weak. I crumbled and as I was done packing I couldn't find myself to leave. So I stayed.....later in the morning we heard the door bell rang. His niece answered the door and came to our room and told me that there's a police officer. So I attended to him wondering wtf is going on at this early in the morning. I asked calmly what and why? Then he says someone had email something on FB stating that someone in your household were being abused by her bf? Are you Miss _____? I'm like yes I am and no I'm not being abused. I will never in a million years email or post anything like that for everyone to know my business. I'm way to distraught to even take my time to email or post anything for that matter. So then the officer asked for the bf, he wanted to question us seperately. So I had to wake him up. During questioning, they had to run his name in their data base to see if he had any outstanding warrants. Turns out he did so they had to take him. I don't know, how and why this happened or what the motives were but he blames me for his arrest. We had to post bail an hour later so I had to figure out how I was gonna get the money. I only had a few hundred and had to go out of my way to borrow from someone else. While I was doing that I'm thinking wtf am I doing? Why am I doing this for him when it should be the other woman? But I did it anyway because I still love him deeply. After all that chaos we came home and talked......I mean we talked for hours and then I told him
    I needed to leave. I booked for the first flight out to leave. I couldn't bare the pain of being on the same area with him. He then realized wow this is really happening, such a dramatic change. The I love yous and I'm sorries came out. He began to have second thoughts. As much as I wanted to change my mind and cancel my flight I couldn't. I left the following morning. It was the hardest goodbye ever. On my way to the airport and during my connecting flight I cried so hard. I figured I needed to get away to clear my mind because it was so cloudy I couldn't think straight. We talked almost every night while I was away. He tells me he loves me and misses me and how he can't wait to see me. Then there would be days that he won't call text or answe my calls, I already knew that he had gone to see her. That drove me crazy. Then when he does call I feel better like nothing else matters. Up until the point I couldn't take it anymore. I became homesick because I felt like I left without closure. I ran away from everything and everyone. With no money, I used my last few hundreds to bail him out of jail. I had to come back home. He didn't want me to......yet I did 10 days later. When he picked me up he seemed distant and cold. We talked and said ok we can work this out. Let's do this so we did. A fee weeks went by and I felt like this was too good to be true. I could read him so well.....up until we're with his friend running errands and his friend had asked to use his phone. As he was done I saw an opportunity to go through his phone.....yes I did the no no. I went through his text messages and took down the OWs number. I saw nude photos of them etc.....I became broken all over again. So I called her and told her everything, she thought I was away. I told her I came back because we are working it out. I even forwarded his text messages to me etc.....I confronted him and told him that I went through his phone. Boy oh boy was he upset. Oh well what the heck I don't care at this point. As he calmed down he said sorry I had to see it and asked if I had spoken to her. I denied it. Later that day, she had called him, talked, questioned then ended their relationship. A couple of weeks went by again, I knew something was up so I called her. She admitted that it's hard to just walk away from someone you've developed feelings for. I was speechless, but she told me everything. He was still seeing her behind my back.....I confronted him and he says he needs time to break away from her. I trusted him and said ok....now a month went by and something tells me that this is way too good to be true. So I texted her again and now she tells me idk what is true and what is real anymore if you want the truth you should read his fb. So I did, I had to ask a friend to use their fb because he had blocked me. He has posted songs and dedicated to her saying that he loves her and she's his #1. I was furious and made him take it down. So he did, and told me that we're gonna work through this and make it work between us.....another month passed yet I felt that he wasn't being 100% because all those text messages came pouring in. He's alway on his phone and always uses his friends as an excuse to go out. I didn't say anything because I needed to make sure that if I attacked him with my suspicions I needed more ammo. One night as I came home from hanging out with my friends, I sat down and his phone went off with text messages from her the OW. I'm like wtf why is she still contacting you? I thought you said she was done with you? Excuses came pouring out and mind you not this was 2:30 in the morning. The finally it came out he says to me "I can't do this anymore, I can't take it, it's done I'm over it" "if you want to leave then leave, I've been feelig this way for so long and I don't feel the same way about you anymore" I could tell he meant that and it hurts so bad because I went in this whole, I wore my heart on my sleeves and once again he crushed me. He admitted to
    seeing her this whole entire time. He still blames me for all this.....he's been stringing me along playing yo yo with me and I can't take that pain any longer he tells me loves me and promised that if we worked it out this time he will never do me wrong again. I've been going through his phone not once but twice now recently and all that he expressed to me was just to get me to stay. He's been expressing his love to the OW and how be wants to start a family. I mean nothing to him and that I am in the process of moving out anyway. He promises her that he wants to get his life together so they can start their future. Devastating I say? Indeed, my emotions have been a rollercoaster and I can't eat, sleep or do anything. My heart wants him so bad but my mind is telling me that he's been over me for so long. Sleeping next to him at night is the hardest. We have no physical contact whatsoever. As I'm reading everyone's post I at least gained some piece of mind. I'm thinking outside the box and realized even if I stayed with him this could be ongoing forever. I can't live life of always being worried. Each time he walks out that door I know he's going to see her. He makes a lot of effort and goes out of his way to lie to me just for the OW. He's never done anything like that for me. It hurts because I've invested my love, time and patience with him. His family means everything to me. It's been a tough year, I was laid off early on this year, my car got repo, my mother disowns me and never wants to talk to me and now I lost my bf to the OW. I'm at rock bottom, the lowest of all lows in my life. With all this I was still able to support him with my check and pay for things and provide all I could to keep him happy. Now I can honestly say that I'm ready to let him go. It hurts so bad but I realized that no matter what I do or say he's gonna continue to hurt me. And the saying does go "when you love someone so much you let them go, because if they were meant to be they will return" I really don't think I can ever be with him again because it's been way to painful.

    You're not alone...... it hurts like hell. You're right he'll probably never know or understand what he's done to you. If he's narcisstic he doesn't even care.... The pain will get better Kaitlyn, in time. Your heart will probably never be the same, but you'll be ok.
    Hugs.

    It's interesting for me to read this. I've always been quite an analytical person, very grounded. I'd never seen what the fuss was about until maybe about a year ago, when a guy utterly bloody floored me. Seriously. When I realised I loved him, it was like being hit by a train. Not that I'd know. Has anyone here been hit by a train? We could compare notes.
    Well, long and boring story short, I was dumped. In perhaps the nicest way anyone ever has been dumped, but dumped nonetheless. I'm also so busy that I have to schedule appointments to feed my damn cat, The one thing is, even when I'm not thinking about it, there is a deep physical ache just above my diagram. Even when I'm taking action, trying to be positive, and the rest of your Dr. Phil/ dime-store self-help book malarkey, it's still there. Kind of a tugging ache, like a severe muscle pain the day after a really long work-out. I have to sleep with a hot water bottle clutched to my chest, otherwise, I don't sleep. It's been about four weeks. Should I be worried? I've also lost 7lbs in two weeks, while consuming so much chocolate that I'm pretty sure I've deprive a South American country of their cocoa bean harvest for the year.
    I hope it's fair trade.

    Tell me about it. I myself am a very analytical person and also been dumped in probably not so nice way. I go through the same emotions like you. I am not depressed or anything but the ache is there. Somewhere. It keeps coming up without permission :D. Sleep problems have been less in my case but it was just once when i got an email from my ex that i couldnt sleep the night. After that no problems actually. Its been 3 weeks now in my case but still the ache is there. It seems like something is keeping me from doing my normal chores. That something could be me but nevertheless its there which gets me worried too. I hope you are doing well now...I guess time will only heal everything. Whenever old memories pop up, i do not try and suppress them. I just acknowledge them and try and get a closure saying yes that was good, but there is this reason why it didnt work out. In the beginning it was very often. Now some of those memories dont come back. Then there are these negative aspects of my ex side which come and even though i hate dwelling on those, they help me move on, thinking the woman who was so selfish in the end, could not have been the right person because this is not what i think of my right partner. Basically i feel like i have been used. I stuck through her difficult times and when her going got better, she dumped me. Not for another person, but for want of a new career direction in a different city. So life is unfair.It hurts, but thats how it is.The best way is to confront the feelings and not suppress them i guess...

    thanks to the person under my last post :) and yeah i figured i would be over it even now (especially by now) because i always am, but then ill just be minding my own business doing anything and something reminds me of him and i find myself fighting tears again. ugh its not even fair. oh and haha i wish it had been a good breakup, but he did it over text, and then lied to me about the reasons. i had to find out from a mutual friend a few days later that it was actually because he met another chick. sure glad to know i wasnt good enough to get the truth even at the end of it all. and i still cant listen to our song, which sucks because it really is a good song. but it just hurts too much. well sorry to continue complaining once again, but i guess it does some good to get it out, especially because i cant usually because my friends are so tired of hearing it and they just hate him and dont get why i cant just forget about him because of what he did to me. i guess they just dont get that its too hard to just forget the first person you ever actually loved and whom you gave yourself to. oh im ranting again :P anyway thanks again and im gonna go now

    Hank
    Next week we will have a new article on the physiology of 'heartbreak' and recent efforts to treat it.  It should be good stuff.
    Hello,
    I am 32 and my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years just broke up with me last night, on Easter. We spent the day together at the park with the dog and then, BAM, he had "bad news"- he is moving out. I was immediately in shock, then briefly angry, but now I am in so much pain I can't even describe. It is pure hell. When I woke up this morning and I remembered that it wasn't all a dream, I had a panic attack. Today I had another one, my hands were tingly and I couldn't move my fingers. I begged him to reconsider but he said his decision has been made. I moved to a different city 3 years ago to be with him, and I don't really have any friends here, and my family is far away. The pain I feel is so crushing! Today I tried to take a walk to make myself feel better but ended up fantasizing about running in front of traffic. I am finding it hard to breathe. I have been heartbroken before and it was also hell, but if I could get through that, I hope I can also get through this. However, last time I did cut myself, which temporarily gave me relief. I wonder if love is really worth it after all. If this is what can happen, I don't think so. I would do anything right now to make this pain go away, and I keep wondering how long it will last. Months? The thought of feeling like this for months is not going to work. Help! I could use a friend really really bad!!!!!

    Margaret,
    This sounds so terrible. How are you doing now? I hope that you've found that after some time has passed it is easier to breathe. I remember my worst break-up laying on my bed, not moving for hours, crying off and on, not being able to sleep, and having this intense pain in my chest that made it so hard to breathe. I made it through, and you've done it before yourself. Take it day-by-day, hour-by-hour if you have to. Don't feel bad if you have to stop what you're doing and cry or sit. Let yourself grieve for your relationship, for you hopes and dreams that you created with your boyfriend.

    Please post an update!

    Thank you a lot for this "healing" article. It is kind of helping me right now, after reading all the stories, I have realized that I am not the only one suffering. I hope tomorrow morning I will say "it was just a bad dream", even though it wasn't so bad. The biggest problem is that I don not know exactly for whom am I grieving, for my bf or for that lovely boy I met recently. The biggest problem is that we all live in 3 different cities, so maybe meeting someone just reminded me of how much I love and miss my bf, or not. It so hard for me right now, and I am totally confused.

    I am really torn up right now. To prove my point I keep getting distracted by sites that talk about how to deal with heartbreak. Me and her aren't together anymore and its eating me away right now. I feel hopeless even though I know I shouldn't, life still goes on and I can see where we weren't compatible but that doesn't mean I didn't want it to be. I mean what the FUCK. I can say how many times I wished that it was her medicine changing her mood or something like that. She has her problems and I was always there to help her with them. I want to be needed by someone. I think that is whats killing me the most. The fact that I had somebody to share my feelings with and also have them share their feelings with me. I'm solitary in that regard. I just don't like to say what my heart is feeling unless its to someone really close to me. I'm glad I finally start my job here soon because this loneliness is killing me right now. I'm not hungry, I'm tired. I want normalcy. I want her back but to afraid to try, because I know it would fall apart because of the same reason before. She blamed it on herself, her problems. She said that she would probably die alone, and I believe her if she believes that she can't form lasting bonds. I feel like its a easy as convincing her that she just has to accept what is, rather than what isn't. The thing is I know shes not even going to go out and go on the prowl for other people, which I feel that should be comforting to me but I care about her so alls I want is for her to be happy. Damn this caring shit, its what got me here in the first place.

    Thank you for the article and the comments. The guy who wrote about being heartbroken since 2001 scared me because It's been 3years since my relationship went down the tubes and I am worried about the time it's taking me to heal.

    I was best friends with a guy for years. He was interested in me and said all the right things until I gave in and begun a long-distance relationship with him. I had a hard time trusting him because he always talked the talk but never came through so I begun to hold back a year into the relationship. He wanted marriage because he said his parents wanted him to settle down and that it didn't matter who with because he would grow to love whoever he chose. I didn't think it was a good enough reason to marry. A year later he married an old girlfriend but up until he got married he had been talking about planning a future with me. I was so hurt by the way things played out and the way I found out. I was depressed for months on end but I was resolute that I would get better and move on, which I did. Everything was going well for me when almost a year later he did something really hurtful which had a bigger impact than the original drama. It is then that I crumbled.

    Somehow, I am not angry at him but rather at myself and I am questioning the purpose of my existance. This has darkened my outlook and I feel like a lost ship out at sea. I feel as though something in me is broken and will NEVER be fixed again. I have been seeing a therapist, talking to church counsellors, family friends and I still feel desolate. I am suicidal and the only thing holding me back is the impact such an action would have on my family. Sometimes I'll be driving along and I can almost hear my voice telling me to put the pedal to the metal and end it all. I have problems sleeping so I've taken to going for long walks late into the night on my own - it's almost as if i'm begging someone to end this miserable life of mine. The only thing keeping me in the here & now apart from my family is the faith I have in God, but even that is hard a times. I have stopped talking to people about the incident and everyone thinks im ok, but truth be told i'm reaching the end of my tether.

    How do I get ME back??? Does this mean i'm going to be one of those unlucky ones who end up being depressed for the rest of their lives. If that's the case, why continue fighting to stay alive day in and day out??? I have given myseld until the end of the year and I simply refuse to go on if this is the way its going to be.

    Bonny Bonobo alias Brat
    'I have been seeing a therapist, talking to church counsellors, family friends and I still feel desolate. I am suicidal and the only thing holding me back is the impact such an action would have on my family. Sometimes I'll be driving along and I can almost hear my voice telling me to put the pedal to the metal and end it all. I have problems sleeping so I've taken to going for long walks late into the night on my own - it's almost as if i'm begging someone to end this miserable life of mine. The only thing keeping me in the here & now apart from my family is the faith I have in God, but even that is hard a times. I have stopped talking to people about the incident and everyone thinks im ok, but truth be told i'm reaching the end of my tether'.

    Hi Anonymous, I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling suicidal and reaching the end of your tether and that everyone thinks that you are OK, when you are not. Hopefully you are aware that many countries have anonymous crisis telephone hotlines which are phone numbers that people can call to get immediate, usually free, over-the-phone emergency counseling, by trained volunteers? Maybe it would help to talk anonymously to one of these suicide counselors? These hotlines were Initially set up to help those contemplating suicide, but many have expanded their mandate to deal more generally with emotional crises. There is a list of worldwide crisis telephone numbers on Wikipedia at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crisis_hotline#List_of_crisis_hotlines hope this helps and that you feel better soon and definitely before the end of the year.
    My article about researchers identifying a potential blue green algae cause & L-Serine treatment for Lou Gehrig's ALS, MND, Parkinsons & Alzheimers is at http://www.science20.com/forums/medicine
    I know how you feel. It's coming up on a year since T and I broke up....and I have been through all butthe anger and acceptance stages of grief. I miss him more everyday and still love him, even after he's treating me so cruel, since we broke up. You do learn to laugh again...and you start to live again, but for me, nothing is the same. Nothing. Everything I do makes me think of him and wish he were there. A new relationship for me, right now is impossible, and since I'm only getting older, probably will never happen again. Not to mention, I don't ever want to go through this again, so I doubt I'd ever allow anyone to get close to me again. I read that scientists are working on a pill or a procedure that can erase painful memories. Like "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"..... I want to be their guinea pig.....willing to try anything. Live moves on, so we have to. You muster a smile and go through the day. No one has to know you're miserable inside.

    my heart broke in 2008 . its just the fuct that some people may fell really in love only once. thats just what happened to me. i dont know what to do. when he told me he never loved me and he was just pretending i felt like someone puted his hand in my chest and took out my heart. i was just a living dead for 2 years and the only think that made me feel good was just seeing him . but he had a relationship and when they were together and i was there as a friend i was crying inside and wanted to die. i had to stop this and so i did. i havent seen him for 2 years now but i feel empty. i dont find nothing interesting. even when i am happy i am not really happy. i am pretending. i am sometimes thinking of swiside but i am thinking also the people i will leave behind. the people that trully love me, my family. the last year i was ok. i was trying to find a boyfriend but i dont find interest to anyone. but the last months something is happening to me. i dont want to go for sleep cause i am having nightmares of him. i am desperate . i dont know what to do. please help me....

    Thanks Nancy for responding to me Anon 06/06. I guess in a way i'm lucky because I do not love him anymore and if he were to reappear in my life I would not give him the time of day. I recognise what happened had nothing to do with love and everything to do with someone who was so scared of being alone he latched onto any available woman. I bought into his sickness and now i'm dealing with it. My main problem is that this has changed my outlook and attitude towards life and people. I always had a hard time trusting people but now it's even worse. I see so many people doing so many horrible things, so many things going wrong in life and i think why bother. I guess I'm tired of it all but for now i'll take your advice and keep smiling.

    Thanks Nancy for responding to me Anon 06/06. I guess in a way i'm lucky because I do not love him anymore and if he were to reappear in my life I would not give him the time of day. I recognise what happened had nothing to do with love and everything to do with someone who was so scared of being alone he latched onto any available woman. I bought into his sickness and now i'm dealing with it. My main problem is that this has changed my outlook and attitude towards life and people. I always had a hard time trusting people but now it's even worse. I see so many people doing so many horrible things, so many things going wrong in life and i think why bother. I guess I'm tired of it all but for now i'll take your advice and keep smiling.

    Thank you for writing this i realize that theres more to life than depression..
    i had been dating my ex for 4 months about 2 weeks till our 5th month and shed told me she had loved me, over the 4 months i found out she had lied to me about breaking up with me to flirt with other guys. I relentlessly took her back blinded by love, Then i got paranoid and she ended up getting pissed at me about it, i fixed it and then she thought i thought she was cheating on me and she didnt tell me her friend told me she wanted to break up! and i was like what?! and i just was feeling heartbreak right when she sent me that in a TEXT! not even cared enough to call me?! and she moved on right when she broke up with me..Now shes happy and im Alone depressed in my dark room with only my thoughts about and thinking of suicide...My first Love and she broke my heart and id never expect it... Ive been upset ever since...I made a promise to her that i wouldnt join that Marines...Well im joining cause she broke her promise...Never to leave me.. Even though i took her back every time she left me.. I didnt think with my head and she took advantage of me.. i was just appauled distraught and now im still depressed.. I contain my emotions.. I put a smile on for everyone and i just want to take a gun and write her a note and Shoot myself in the head... Saying this is all your fault...

    Thank you for writing this i realize that theres more to life than depression..
    i had been dating my ex for 4 months about 2 weeks till our 5th month and shed told me she had loved me, over the 4 months i found out she had lied to me about breaking up with me to flirt with other guys. I relentlessly took her back blinded by love, Then i got paranoid and she ended up getting pissed at me about it, i fixed it and then she thought i thought she was cheating on me and she didnt tell me her friend told me she wanted to break up! and i was like what?! and i just was feeling heartbreak right when she sent me that in a TEXT! not even cared enough to call me?! and she moved on right when she broke up with me..Now shes happy and im Alone depressed in my dark room with only my thoughts about and thinking of suicide...My first Love and she broke my heart and id never expect it... Ive been upset ever since...I made a promise to her that i wouldnt join that Marines...Well im joining cause she broke her promise...Never to leave me.. Even though i took her back every time she left me.. I didnt think with my head and she took advantage of me.. i was just appauled distraught and now im still depressed.. I contain my emotions.. I put a smile on for everyone and i just want to take a gun and write her a note and Shoot myself in the head... Saying this is all your fault...

    Gerhard Adam
    I put a smile on for everyone and i just want to take a gun and write her a note and Shoot myself in the head... Saying this is all your fault...
    OK, enough is enough.  That's NOT love.  That's self-indulgent bullshit and it's selfish to even THINK that your doing something like suicide is anyone's fault but your own.  You need to get out of that habit right now!  You cannot face every hardship and problem in life by threatening to hurt others because you feel depressed.  Let's face it, that's all you're trying to do ... you think she'll suffer emotionally if you were to kill yourself.  Consider this ... what if she didn't?  You'll not only have wasted your life, but you won't even have gotten the satisfaction you thought you wanted.

    That's a dead-end path and you need to stop that kind of thinking. 

    Take note ... as a former Marine myself ... you'd better get your head screwed on straight before you show up at Boot camp.
    Mundus vult decipi
    I have been through many heartbreaks but this one was a bit more stranger than "USUAL". Have been through loss of family members at a relatively young age, heart-breaks and came out of it a bit bruised properly but always wiser. This gf of mine broke up without even having talked to me if things were going bad between us (which actually werent). She had this huge emotional baggage when we started going out and i would help her show the bright side of life and trying to make her happy. I supported her getting back to her feet, emotionally a lot, helping her pushing her trying to get her long due graduation back on track, discussing with her through the times. She was the kind of person who would give up easily and i am completely the other kind. I would always talk her through that, tell her to take it one step at a time. The first thing she does when she gets a prospect of a job is dump me. She gave me no reason, just out of the blue dumping, which makes me think that she never meant it in the first place. Was she planning it the whole time, may be. But one thing i realized i invested my time in her which does hurt a lot, but the silver lining is it saved me a life filled with compromises and disappointments for myself and finally start thinking of the other things which i always wanted to achieve for myself and had been ignoring just to make the relationship work. Now that i think about it, it sounds a bit stupid i did all that but when you are in it, you somehow live with it. I realized that there are people who are just NOT WORTH IT. These are people who are so screwed up in life and strangely do not want to come out of it because they are so used to it, that it becomes their way of life. I still believe that a person who is the "right one" would not hurt you in such a manner. These are just some selfish humanbeings who do not know any other way of life. They are just not worth crying for. The human in me feels very sorry for such people and makes me angry that something like that happened to me. But the rationalist side in me tells me its just a blip, is a part of life. 28 years of my life i had lived very happily without this person. I had a great life and have dreams for myself. I cannot give it up just because of a woman who behaves so selfishly? She is just not the girl and it was not meant to be. We have unfortunately no other way other than this painful way to reeally meet our soulmate. We are all a part of it. So lets play our part. Accept the occasional blips and move on.

    I wake up in the morning and realize the pain I'm feeling. The feeling of loosing someone so close. It's like no other. I can't eat, can't sleep, he's all I think about. I made a mistake in the past but he left me for another reason. He didn't want to argue anymore and I understood. I've always hated arguing. I never saw the point of it. But why break up with me if it could have been fixed? I know I'm only 18 but I shared so much with him. We've been together for 3 years and 4 months. I blame myself for it all. I wish I could take it back. I would fix my mistake. I know he still cares for me but he doesn't want to anymore. He said he was tired of it and we were over for good. I just cant accept it. I love him. And some say I'm too young to truly love but I'm a passionate person. I care for him so much. I've been given so much advise to let him go but my heart can't. It's so hard to deal with the pain. I'm so confused. I feel my world crashing down. :(

    The advice on how to mend the broken heart:
    Great, it's very useful. Keeps my mind off the situation.
    For that period of time.
    As soon as my mind is not busy with any of that anymore, it's just going to go right back to the pain.
    That advice won't mend my broken heart. It might keep it busy, but it won't mend it.
    Any other advice?

    The advice on how to mend the broken heart:
    Great, it's very useful. Keeps my mind off the situation.
    For that period of time.
    As soon as my mind is not busy with any of that anymore, it's just going to go right back to the pain.
    That advice won't mend my broken heart. It might keep it busy, but it won't mend it.
    Any other advice?

    Wow reading this has provided some much needed relief! It is nice to see that there are people out there that are surviving with the same aching heart I have right now. Thank you all for sharing your experiences!

    My wife and I had been together for four years, married for three. I am in the Navy and stationed in Japan. When I moved out here a year and a half ago she did not come with me due to the fact that she got pregnant with our son just before we were supposed to move out here. I have come home on leave multiple times and everything has seemed to me at least to be going good. While I was deployed this last time aboard the carrier, her emails started to become shorter and less frequent. This went on for about two weeks until I finally asked her what was wrong and she told me that basically she felt she had lost herself and that she could no longer be married to me and be happy the way she wanted.

    Needless to say I was absolutely devastated. I have never felt so alone in my 27 years on this earth. I love this woman with all my heart and have been faithful and a great father to our sons. One of which was hers from her previous marriage. He is 5 and we have a 1 year old. I feel everything described in the rest of these posts. Anger, loneliness, guilt, emptiness...I lost 30 pounds over the next 3 weeks after she told me this.

    I hope the best for the rest of you, I am a pretty positive person and once I can stop randomly crying and get this feeling out of the pit of my stomach I feel that with time I will be able to cope with this situation. Good luck to everyone and thank you to the poster of this blog.

    Not only have I been heart broken, I have been screwed. My first love and the first person I had ever slept with broke my heart. He was the first person I gave myself too and I was 20 years old. I loved him so much and we made so many plans together. He called me a fat cunt one night and I ended up breaking up with him to only realize that he didnt care at all. He never talked to me again. A month later I found out that I had HPV. I emailed him to tell him what I had just found out and he still never spoke a word to me. How can someone you spent everyday with, and shared apart of your life with do something like that to you? Not even an apology? Not a word??? I havent slept with anyone since we broke up and I have been heart broken ever since. I moved away to start my career and I thought that this would help me heal, but it hasnt. I hate him so much for what he did to me. I dont want him back and I will never speak to him again But I STILL cant seem to stop crying and stop feeling so hurt. 6 months after the breakup I got my first out break of genital warts. I still havent slept with anyone else and I feel like my entire life is ruined because of this guy. I was such a good girl and waited so long to give myself to anyone because I didnt want this to happen to me, and it happened ANYWAYS. How can I ever tell my next partner about this? How can I be with anyone? How can I trust anyone!????? Im so embarrassed and I feel so stupid. I regret ever meeting him and Im so tired of crying. I am going to have to live the rest of my life scarred on the inside and the outside. I didnt deserve this :(

    Im going through alot of whats been written on this article, i was with a girl for nearly 4 years since she moved to our school she was my best friend the person i cold talk about anything to. A year ago she moved away and we only got to saw eachother every other holidays, i promised i would not leave her, when she eventually did come back wich was a several mnths ago everything just changed she would spend more time talking to her friends and going out with them that she wouod me, it hurt coz i was there for her when they wernt.. We would argue and she wud go off with them and theybwould fill her head up withh soo much shit just cos they've hated me since day 1,, mainly bcoz im nt the same colour as them.. Me n my gf have had soo many arguemnetd in our reltaionship but always got over them, were so insecure about one another and oftenly that what triggers our arguements..

    Before it would just me and her and no other girls or boys thats what ie been used to but sinve her coming bak from being away she acts soo different when we argue.. When she says theres no more us it feels soo much more real than its ever sone before and now im soo scared that ive lost here foreever.. We wiuld always plans everythingbtigeter and talk about beeing tgetger freva..

    I hve to admit iv beeen no angel recently we gt into argumnt a cuple of weeks ago and i did the wirst thing a guy could do to his partner i laid my hands ariund her neck but before things got even more serious i jus got up and left.. Ever since then things havent been the same and now tbh i dont think il ever gt her bk her friends are twisting things and making her beleieve tht she dnt need me.. I kant live without this girl all the things on this article are hape ing to me n i jus dnt no what ta du..

    I feel you on this. My girlfriend was someone special to me and i was her "everything". That was until she went to sac state and started meeting new people. I was her high school sweetheart and did everything for her. I supported her at school and as a couple but her friends put things in her head and ever since then she has no been the same person. I have lost her not just to her friends but to another person. In my world shes the only one. In her world there are many fish in the sea. I know i might sound insecure but when someone breaks your heart it really does hurt. I cant get her back because she feels too good for me. The sad thing is i made her what she is and got her where she is. But going to college and meeting new people turned her into your average sacramento california girl. Sad.

    My advice: Build a bridge and get over it. If your heart is broken && she is carrying on perfectly fine isn't that a sign for u to carry on the same?? You will never know if she is coming back for sure...but you need to start living as if she died. Lol whenever I go through a bad break up I pretend they died ..I tell myself there is no way to contact them , there is no " them coming back", and they are gone forever.&& I literally live like they died.&& u know what they always come back when I do this lol..but i stopped living for them completely ....just make sure u DO NOT take her back if she ever Facebook messages you or contacts you in another way that's a great way to have to relive the pain uve already been through. Create a memorial of your old memories light candles and put RIP . NOT ONLY WILL IT HELP YOU MOVE ON, BUY ULL GET A KICK OUT OF IT EVERY TIME YOU SEE IT.:)

    I have a great deal of respect and admiration for those here are truly battling to stay alive. Many of these stories ring so terribly true. I echo the sentiment that I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, and so I am so sorry for all of you who are suffering. It is excruciating. Not a day -- perhaps even an hour -- goes by that I don't think of her. We still contact each other occasionally, and I almost thought we were going to get back together about a month ago when she pulled away again. No real explanation. I feel like Sisyphus -- and this truly is Hell. After all, "What power would Hell have if those here imprisoned were not able to dream of Heaven?" I just don't know what to do, and it is literally destroying me. I have lost a lot of weight and developed other health problems. I find myself collapsing into fits of crying or screaming. One year of constant agony. Shakespeare was wrong. It is not better to have loved and lost. Ignorance truly is bliss. Once you find that sympathetic resonance with someone, your life is changed forever. They don't just leave. They have altered your very emotional, and thus physical, makeup. They are torn from you, with huge pieces of you being ripped away in the process. I get so sick of the happy ending, "I'm glad I got dumped because then I met my soulmate!" speech. Go fuck yourselves. That is not some Golden Rule. For everyone of you, there are countless others who die alone. I get so tired of the hackneyed time-heals-all-wounds speech. That's the best people can do? Just wait until you forget how happy you were -- how happy you can be -- and then you can finally convince yourself that your return to mediocrity is somehow gratifying. My how terribly inspirational.

    That is why I continue to fight. I will burn for what I believe in like Thich Quang Duc. I will sit and smolder silently in the belief that we can be together again. I do not have to give up. I do not have to move on or settle. Yes, there is only so much I can do, but remember that "those also serve who only stand and wait." Yes it is a painful path that I am choosing. But those of you on this board who truly found the person you love more than any other in this world will understand that "choosing" becomes semantic. We are compelled. It is to those people that I say I support and respect you. Maybe you too have found that even well-meaning friends and family have long since become exasperated with you. Maybe you too live with constant thoughts of suicide. Maybe you too find that a certain errant memory can cripple you as sure as bullet to the back. Maybe you too sometimes have an image of her with someone else and it eviscerates you. And yet you fight. You fight every fucking day, most of the time not even knowing why. I don't have the answer now, either. I am sure that much is obvious. I just know want you to know that I respect you, and I hope we all get exactly what we want. Nothing less.

    Hi Luther, If you're still reading this I truly don't mean disrespect for your feelings but I had to smile when I read ..
    " ...That's the best people can do? Just wait until you forget how happy you were -- how happy you can be -- and then you can finally convince yourself that your return to mediocrity is somehow gratifying. My how terribly inspirational...."

    Obviously it was a smile of great irony, because that is the bottom line of how I feel right now. I tell my friends " I'm not afraid of the pain fading, but am more afraid of forgetting the wonderful feeling of love with him".

    I can say for a fact I've been through at least 3 bad break-ups- lost 7kg ofr one of them, lost my direction and meaning of life but I did indeed survive them with the help of TIME. Now that I'm older, and supposedly wiser, the pain is no less...sigh*

    Did I think about suicide- not really. But I DO understand how one could arrive at a point where he/she says " I can't bare the pain/stress, I want it to all go away". But quickly I have this mental picture of the person whom I'm pining for and on the other side, all those who will be so sad if I were to take my own life. Right now, right this instant, of course I feel my ex is worth so, so much. But I force myself to remember how much I'm worth in all those other dear friends and family's heart and how much more pain I will cause them.

    So I tell myself and all of us here, one baby step in front of the other. I'm religious, and I have experienced many a time when God closes a door, he opened a window for me. Its just that sometimes I was so busy mopping I didn't notice the sunshine coming through the window or hear the birds chirping. But please believe the day will come. One very vital thing to know is - happiness doesn't just come from being with someone or being in a relationship, it could be a very different form.

    As I write this to all of you reading this - I am also saying it to myself as my wound is still fresh and I am experiencing a change of emotions every few hours - Pain, sadness, doubt, blaming myself, blaming him, anger, it switches gear. My greatest fear is thinking that I waited till I'm tired enough to go to bed but then I suddenly jolt awake in the wee morning hours, heart beating with the anxiety or sadness. That loneliness is unbearable.

    But from my memory of past break-ups, all just as intense, it will fade. We just have to be willing to let it go. Its hanging to the lost love that makes it painful. Hugs to all...

    I agree with you Luther - we are 'not' all cookie-cutter people. Different strokes for different folks (speaking of which, I could use one right now - a terminal one, i.e. black humor is a too brief respite/ temporary remedy for some people.) On the other hand, if this blog represents the injured in spirit, what of those who 'do' the damage to us? To listen to them try and explain/rationalize their inhumanity to man/woman would likely be as Nietzsche referenced - "a casual stroll through the lunatic asylum (of love, my addendum) shows that faith does not prove anything".
    ___________________________________

    As you say, some of us (myself included) will not just 'roll over', suck it up, move on, cast a new line (or several more) since there are many other fishies in the human cesspool- sorry, meant ocean, etc. etc. Anyone reading everyone's commentary herein should realize that though a shared pain is evident all, is the sense also some people be for whatever reason(s) 'not nice.' A lot of people. How many? It only takes one to hurt you and most people herein seem to have found them (or maybe there's a serial dumper or a few running around out here.)
    ___________________________________

    Being branded 'rejected' is bad enough in and of itself - but the added dose of cruelty that the abusers employ (like breaking up by phone or email or text), or doing so on someone's birthday, or Anniversary or a Holiday any, at least suggests that the advice to not give up on love because 'you just haven't found the right one' (yet?) is fraught with a ticking sound - or a fuse. Better to have loved and lost than never? We have but one other cheek to turn; those who take the 'relationships are a learning experience' crock of effluvium to heart might have more faith playing Russian Roulette, but my take is it's not so much a matter 'if' you will be hurt again as 'when' . Upshot: proceed with caution.

    Luther, I LOVE you!! Exactly what I think! At least have thought that mostly during the past 8 months since my husband left, although it's starting to shift after talking to "him" the other day.

    The only exception is, in my case, I have people saying "get over him, he wasn't good looking, he wasn't from a good family, he didn't have money or a good job"(Mom) to , "he's a sociopath, narcissist , he is not coming back, he just decided one day he didn't like you, that's all, you got bamboozled".

    AND, all that appears to be true! And, he is NOT the person now that I thought he was and clearly doesn't love me, in spite of his f'ing insistence that he does... the things he has said to me recently are devastating. How could I have been happy while it seems he didn't even like me! We had a difficult relationship, but I truly thought we were meant to be together (and he said so many times too and told the damn world how much he loved me) and we would work out our issues and grow. I thought I was loved and was the happiest I had ever been in my life.

    I am switching to anger right now (that's a good sign, right?) at the thought of sharing my small house with him, his daughter on weekends, everything I tried to do for them, to be so coldly and flatly rejected. He couldn't have figured this out BEFORE we got married? Not to mention, before I spent 30K on a wedding! Damn. One year and 4 months of living w/me after the wedding was all he could take, stating he "was unhappy for a long time" and went with a married (now divorcing) woman who has cancer! he tells me he "doesn't want a relationship with anyone right now", but "doesn't want a divorce". What a mind fuck.

    That anger felt good just then...maybe I should plot revenge instead...I could probably muster up enough of it to devote my life to vengeance! But I won't....

    I hate coming home at the end of the day. I hate going to work. I hate opening up the pantry and seeing something he bought. I hate fixing dinner and thinking of him fixing it for me or us talking in the kitchen. I hate the empty space on the bed next to me that was supposed to be his forever. I hate not being able to look forward to anything together. I hate that I felt like the future was a realm of possibilities, and now I know it's just the same, depressing, lonely existence I was all to familiar with. I hate that I don't have family that can be loving and supportive to me (they were for about a month, now they are extremely dysfunctional, mean and nasty to me). So, to heck with those that say "you've got your family and friends".

    Wow, I sound like a loser. And I feel like one. I worked my whole damn life very hard -- both with work and on myself -- only to end up in this pile of crap!!?

    Does anyone take anything non-prescription that helps with the crying fits, heartache and depression? I was doing much better a few weeks ago, but Christmas, followed by our anniversary new year's eve (HE wanted to get married NY Eve "so that he'd never spend another New Year's alone". Bet he wasn't alone, but I sure was!), followed by complete insanity from my family...

    I swore I would never ever get divorced (a subject he inquired about thoroughly before we married). And never understood why people would become so bitter and vindictive and ruin their lives, but damn it, I see now. I think it's a twisted way of hanging on. All of this is coming to me as I am writing on here! Please don't judge me. I need to write more (just for me to see).

    WTF, the gaping hole of silence. It truly is like part of your body has been ripped apart...only it just keeps ripping...and it's dangling there, nasty and bloody. And then you say, no, it's Ok, nothing is broken...and then all I hear is the silence. I feel so alone. Even when I talk to a therapist, I feel alone and not understood!

    Good luck all. This is hell. I just had a beautiful wedding dress on...and the most beautiful ceremony anyone had ever attended. Who did I marry? Myself? Was he not there?

    I don't know about the science behind "heartbreak", but I know and feel the reality of it.
    It is now approaching 3 years since I found the woman that I love, dead, at her home, sadly, tragically on 14th November 2008, the date that this web page was originally created.
    Since that time that she left us, to shine her love and courage, elsewhere, I have been through many emotions of grief, loss, sadness, emptiness, loneliness and ...still, the persistent "heartache", heartbreak...hearthurt...of missing her so very much...every day.

    "How long, to sing this song. How long to sing this song"?

    Love, truth and justice will prevail. The Light "shines" on.
    Thankyou love.
    13th October 2011.

    I am 29 and he was my first in everything. So we broke up. I pray this is the final one. We have been togather for almost a year of breaking up and making up. A vicious circle. And it hurts soooo much. I used to think i was tough and thought that any woman who stoops so low to beg a guy is a fool. Well i have been a fool. We had a huge break up recently. And the tough girl actually stooped so low that i went to his apartment waited for him so that we could end this face to face in a mature and hope fully pleasant manner. His car was not there so i called him and he said he was sleeping, but when i asked him to open the door he hung up on me. And he did this 3 times. I knew he was not at home. I made a foolof myself. I sent him one nasty txt msg and one nasty voice msg. Then for the first time i could not cry. I used to cry myself to sleep but this time my tears didnt come. I went home, could not sleep and at 3 am i woke up and prayed to God to give me strength to walk out of this hell. I lost my dignity last night when i went to his place last night hoping to get everything resolved. I realise my situation is one full of misery and its not healthy. I want out. So yes heartbreak really hurts. I am going to give myself time to heal. I will not fall again. I know he will wait a week when he thinks i have cooled down and he will contact me. But this time i will not stoop down again nor make a fool of myself.

    It is helpful to read these comments and know that I am not the only one going through heartbreak. My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me 2 days ago. I had just moved to uni and he had had time to think about what he wants and he said he wants to be on his own. I still cant get my head around it because everything has been fine. We have tickets to see concerts, making plans for holidays, I even live with 3 of his best friends. I feel like you all do, that sinking feeling, the heaviness, the ache, the feeling that I cant go on. When I go to sleep at night i dont want to wake up. Every day is a struggle and its only been 1 whole day since it happened. I miss him so much and want him back, i thought he was the one! I just dont understand! How things can change so quickly, how things can go from amazing to 'I want to be on my own' in a matter of weeks.
    Everyone says to keep busy and to just accept it but its not that easy. I am only 22 but I dont know any other girls my age or older who arent in relationships. I dont want to meet anyone again and go through it all again. I want him back.... so much!

    Bobby Knight
    Perhaps I can offer some words of advice, having recently suffered the death of an angel. It was brutal and happened about 6 weeks ago now. My advice? 
    • Family (most impt)
    • Friends (in real life and also on-line)
    • Writing (if you are posting, then you like to write)
    • Music (CD's in the car rather than talk radio)
    • Walking (to balance the sitting)
    • Sunshine (but prophylax against skin cancer), and finally
    • Moonshine (though not necessarily White Lightning)

    That's seven, to match the Seven Sisters of Pleiades (coming full circle).

    Bobby Knight
    And one more thing:
    Attach a good set of headphones or speakers to your PC and boot up this.
    I lost my dog a few weeks ago, I'm only 15 and I'd had him since I was about 2. He held my life together honestly, he was with me through every tough time I ever had, my parents got divorced when I was 10, it was an abusive relationship and my dog was the only thing that stayed the same. My dad and I decided he was in too much pain and we couldnt afford to fix it for him..We had to take him in and put him to sleep, he knew what was going on because I'd been crying hours before and he knows the vets office, he licked away my tears and let me hug him all I wanted, He layed down with his head on my arms and he died in my arms...I'm crying while typing this because it was only 2 weeks ago...the last thing he heard me say was "You're my good boy, I love you." And I collapsed and hugged him. I know he was only a dog to some people but to me that was like losing one of my parents...it was really hard for me. I tell his story because hes very important to me but it still makes me cry every time..my heart aches when I cry and I get the lost empty feeling. I needed to know I wasnt alone. Thank you for writing this..it makes everything make more sense to me.

    Heartbreak is an excruciating pain and i experienced it several time, we can't really say my situation is harder than the others and so on. Because the pain experienced by each and everyone of us is unique to ourselves. Well, about me, i knew this guys for 3 years who used to be my best friend who then end up using me instead as someone i never knew. I still cannot forget him and love him the same way (more than friends which he knows). He won't even tell me why he left. When the pain hits me almost one year ago, it was unbearable. Every breath i took for living was stabbing my insides hard.. regret, disappointment was the hardest to deal with. I become really weak. I lost my strength, and because of all of this i lost my job.. I still don't want to go for a job. After trying so much i learned to shutdown some of my feelings and move on. He came back few times and pains me again. I know he never be what I want him to be. He never explain any of the things he did. Keeping him was paining me now more than anything. How he injure things again after coming back... now i will again keep all the love i have for him inside, and control it and live a free life again. it feels like a relief though.. i can't give him what he needs and he can't give me what i need. so we were never meant to be and best way is to stay away like we never knew each other. And i know i'll be ok. But the feelings i had for him is amazing. it's the first and the last time i have loved... i will never forget these feelings and never forget him. he probably never loved me, but i experience my heart and how beautiful it feels to love someone truly.. how strong it is... I don't feel any attraction to anyone now. Maybe it's pity that i can never be married. But i can be happy because i loved him truly whole heartily and in the deepest way one could ever love and i will take our memories and my love to my grave...

    I feel like,something must be wrong with me,like i'm not normal.it's been almost 3yrs since my bf told he met someone else they have a 2 months old baby now,i've tried to stop talking to him(though we don't talk often,sometimes 2,3,1, 6 months in between)before we broke up,we where so in love with each other,we couldn't imagine life without each other,i knew he loved me,WE WERE THE LOVE OF EACH OTHER'S LIFE,he asked me to marry him,my heart and soul said Yes but i couldn't at the time because of the circumstance surrounding our relationship( which he knew about,understood, but found it hard to deal with) and because i knew i was holding him back(as we dated for 3yrs) from being with someone that doesn't have a lot of baggage like i did,i told him sometimes to be with someone else(because we couldn't be together at the time) even though i knew it will CRUSH MY HEART as the slight thought of him being with someone else terrified me, he always said i'm the only one he wants and he couldn't imagine being with someone else but me.(me waiting to surprise him by asking him to ask me to marry him again and the answer YES will be coming out of my mouth)we had a fight that was brought on by frustration of not being able to be together or see each other because i moved to another country for school,we both missed each other so much. that night i was so angry with him for not wanting to come and visit me for the weekend(though he had a case going on in the court and he had to be there until the end of the case which could go on for months,i knew about the case)but that was not why i was really angry,i was angry because he is not the type that can just fly to another country with out much convincing "once it took me months to convince him we should go to London for some days,so this time,i felt i shouldn't have to try hard convincing him to come visit me where i was,since we didn't see each other for months,so that night,after much argument,i told him it was over(didn't mean it,i was so angry)he sent me sms through the night and i didn't answer and after that we spoke but,it just wasn't the same,we avoided talking about the fight even when we both knew we were still hurting from the things we said to each other but we just couldn't get past it and the long distance between us didn't help matters,so we went for one month or so barely talking until i decided to call him and tell him that i am coming to meet him so we can talk face to face and work things out but he didn't answer,i knew at once something was not right because for 3yrs he would call me right back if he got a missed call from me which wasn't so many times because he would always answer (and i the same)through out the night i waited for him to call me back with my heart aching,couldn't sleep,i was really scared of loosing him,he called me in the morning and told me he went on a date that he met someone and he feels that he has to move on to get over me because he doesn't think we will ever get to be together,there my whole life came crashing down,i felt like my heart has been ripped out of my chest,i hanged up the phone and cried my self out for weeks,not eating,not being able to sleep,get out of the house or do anything,and i wondered if i should tell him that we can be together after that phone call but decided not to because i knew something was broken between us and if i tell him we can be together,he would probably be with me and wonder what it would have been like if he continued with the girl he met and i didn't want to be that girl that is not secured,so i questioned everything,i questioned his love for me.i told him after some months why i called him that night and he admitted he still has feelings for me but it's late for us.it's almost 3yrs now ,though he lives in another country,i can't stop thinking about him,can't erase all the good memories we shared,i ache/long for him,he is still the love of my life and i can't tell him.where do i go from here? i've been trying to let go of this feeling by trying to date someone else and doing things that takes up my time,tried not talking to him,nothing seems to work the harder i try to forget him the more difficult it is to forget,it just doesn't go,at the same time,i'm afraid to let it go,because i've never loved someone like this in my whole life,what if i never get to experience this feeling again with someone else. i just want to forget about him so i can have a normal happy life.i keep telling my self that something is wrong with me.

    Hi everyone,
    Ive bookmarked this page and keep coming back to it and reading peoples posts. I am in pure and utter turmoil, it's been just over 4 weeks now since the man I was deeply in love with ended things. I am devastated and so confused still at his reasons why. I dont know if I will ever stop searching for answers. I will never stop hoping that he will come back to me. I have turned into a pathetic, weak mess. Every night I dread going to bed because I know I will cry, my heart will ache even more over intense thoughts and memories of him. And I won't sleep and I will have vivid dreams of him and I will wake up every hour or so in a panic remembering that I have lost him. Then I will wake at 5am, my body physically unable to get up but my mind going crazy with thoughts. Before I even open my eyes in the morning I cry, I feel dread for the day ahead, I feel numb with pain. I fight everyday, not to cry, fight with myself hoping, wishing........I fight not to ask mutual friends about him, I fight to try and forget him, I fight with myself to move on with my life. I have a huge fear that I will feel like this forever. I have had bad break ups before , really bad but this feels different, Im so cut up. I avoid looking in the mirror because I can not bear to look at myself, the rejected girl who loves someone who doesnt love her back, who doesnt even deserve her and didnt treat her right in the first place. When i do catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror I do not recognise myself. I feel so detached from the world, like i am on the outside looking in, with this hurt in my heart trying to hide it. A part of me is lost throughout this mess, I can not believe the way this has affected my very being. I am lost and I am empty. I am alone, not alone in the sense i do not have a boyfriend, but alone in my thoughts and feelings and I do not know how or when i will ever pick myself up or when I will ever feel better about myself and my life. It ludicrous that one emotionally retarded, selfish man can do this to me. I try not to let it but I cant control how I feel.
    I am trying everything, keeping busy, seeing friends and family, exercising, meditation and visualisation, sleeping pills and I start CBT next week. All of these help a little and i hope the CBT will too. I have a history of self harming and i have done it twice since, as a coping thing and because i feel no self worth........i hate the person I am.
    Although I would never want to end it all, I just wish there was something, anything to stop this feeling and erase all that has happened. I am a 'no regrets' type of person but I really wish I had never got involved with him. I opened my heart and soul and he destroyed it. Now I have a long journey ahead of trying to self heal.
    Logically and on a rational level I know im too good for him, e.t.c. but I just can not help this awful, horrendous feeling inside.......I miss him to the very core, I have never missed anyone like this in my life and it's utter hell. I am wasting my life with this and there seems to be nothing I can do except allow time.
    I am going to work but I can not concentrate and give my usual 100% self, which makes me feel even worse about myself.
    I agree with what Luther said above and I will sit and wait hoping we will be together again. Yes its a painful path I am choosing but I am going to try and balance it so that whilst i am trying to move on with my life, I will always, always wish for and hope that we will reunite and he will come back. It's sad and stupid but it's my dream. A crazy dream, but mine nonetheless. I believe we are meant to be toghether. Even though he has hurt me deeply........
    Call me a fool, yes I am but I am a fool so in love with someone.
    This heartache stuff is so awful and I am strangely glad I am not the only one who feels this way. My heart goes out to each and every one of you in this position, for it truely is gut wrenching. I also feel there is something wrong with me to feel this way, it's not right or healthy to feel like this surely?
    Then my thoughts turn to revenge, really awful revenge on how i can hurt him.........then i ask why would i want to hurt someone i love.......and how much exactly would it make me feel any better?
    I want help, help to pull me out of this deep, dark hole. I want to be happy and I want to be free again. I want me back. But more than that I want him back in my life.
    xxxx

    Over two years later and all of your stories have greatly encouraged me. I am lying here with a full day ahead of me at the break of dawn and I am hurting.I feel so upset because I had known this person for only 3 months and it is almost 10 times more painful than the break up with my boyfriend of 3 years. Maybe because it was a relatively bad break up and this person ended up humiliating me and cutting me off. I am mostly angry at myself because I had no business being in this relationship and I was blinded by the longing for someone to hold and to enjoy each other's company. It was also the excitement of dating someone completely different from myself in every sense of the word. Different race, 14 years older, at a much more advanced stage in life. I have a month to the end of the semester and I feel like I can't keep it together. All I want to do sometimes is just curl up in bed and read stories of other people to help take my mind off my situation. There is also an enormous sense of guilt because I initiated the break up out of anger and extreme sadness (he just didn't really care about me and wasn't as crazy about me as I was about him. I was never a priority and he'd choose convenience over me ALL THE TIME.) but then I am completely taken aback by the way he reacted even though I begged him like a complete nobody and dropped all my pride at his feet. He cut me off immediately and blocked me from ever contacting him. That has been the hardest part. I feel so low because this opens a whole can of worms about my possible self-esteem issues. I just can't find the anger in me even though he humiliated me so much. I'm just a big mess some days and I have lost interest in school and moving forward with my career at a time when all my mates are doing just that. That presents even more guilt--like how can I allow a 3 month relationship to tear me apart the way it is attempting to? The nightmares, sleepless nights, loss of appetite, short attention span, extreme fatigue! My world seems so gray right now. I have loving friends and family and a father that adores the very ground that I walk on YET I feel this way. I know that time will heal this wound and that I will be happy again with a redefined meaning an purpose for my existence. It's just really hard some days. It is comforting to know that others are experiencing similar feelings to mine. From you all I have found some encouragement. Thanks.

    Three months or three years... I don't think it matters. I'm dying from the end of a three month relationship too. It sucks because I went through this 2 years ago. Met someone who was in my city for a couple weeks for work, but was from the opposite coast. We really hit it off but neither of us knew how we felt abt long distance so we just decided to keep in touch. He came back a few weeks later, changing his plans to go visit his brother on thanksgiving to visiting me. We decided to be a couple. Talked abt marriage and him moving here... He even got offered a job here, but then he declined it. I think maybe that's where it started to go bad. I loved him so much but he would go through these periods of doubt abt our relationship and I would have to give him convincing speeches. It was really taxing..it should be two people working for the relationship, especially a difficult long distance one, but instead I felt it was me fighting against the obstacles AND him. New years he did it again and I cried so much.. so that when he came for my bday a couple weeks later, I had walls up from all that he'd put me through.. and I ended up ending it.. but not because I didn't love him. He wanted to try again but I wasn't sure. He went back home and we agreed to be talking like before we were together.. for about a week and then the day that I was going to tell him I wanted to try again.. he said he thought we should just be friends. I went through hell and did everything I could to show him I loved him and that he had nothing to be afraid of.. because he said I hurt him. It would get really close again and then he would pull away and I had to start all over. I even flew to see him, just to talk, just for one night. On st patricks day. It was my last desperate attempt.. and it worked...while I was there. But as soon as he left me at the airport, it already started to revert. April 15 he told me he had been back with his ex for awhile. And then I was devasted. And I stopped contact with him, because I'm not one to interfere with that. I just wished he had told me sooner.. I wouldn't have wasted so much time and money.. he was with her already when I flew there, and I had also sent gifts for his bday and vday, and sent him balloons when he got a promotion. At the end of May, he contacted me and said I was right abt everything and that he never really gave me a chance and they had broken up. I had been wanting this for so long, I was out to breakfast with friends and just burst into tears at the table. But then it turned out to be not what I expected when I imagined him coming back.. he was the same doubting and all that and didn't want to commit.. I got fed up and stopped responding to him so much.. then not at all.. I would be finally doing better and then everytime I was out having fun, he would call, and even though I wouldn't answer, it set me back so much. Then one night, again I.was out, he called, and this time left a vm, which he never did, so I couldn't help it and listened to it and it turned out it was his ex saying to quit contacting him (even tho if she paid attention it would be him calling me in the log) or she was going to come across the country and kick my ass. I wish she would have wasted her money to come here! But it hurt like hell that he was with HER again. I was doing better and could have dealt with him being with someone New, but it just sucked that he was giving her ANOTHER chance and not me (when I asked to try again, he would say we had our chance. We already tried).. so I called him next day and chewed him out for letting her go through his phone, which he always said he was a very private person and this wasn't the first time shed done this to me, it happened when he contacted me in May too. And I would never do that. And for letting her harass me when I WASN'T EVEN DOING ANYTHING. This was probably Oct or Nov. We stop talking. March, they break up again, he contacts me again. We are friends this time.. I'm okay. We decide to go to Texas together, in May, and I'm terrified that its all going to come back and hurt again.. first few days it was fine, but then all the old habits and feelings.. we pretty much looked like a couple when we left. But then I get home and he just says it was nice while there. WTF?! I was so pissed.. told him how could he do that to me again.. he said he thought I was over it and I said I was but it took me a very long time and I was very depressed, why even risk doing that... And then I was finally done with him.. by a month later. Not even to be friends because he doesn't deserve my friendship. And last I know of, he's back with her...even though after the last time he said he would never be with her again cuz she tried to kill herself the last time. whatever, I honestly dont care anymore.

    So a month after I had finally truly let him go and didn't care anymore, someone that I had met briefly before, came back into my life.. he had liked me before but I wasn't interested at the time (age and also it was during all the back and forth with the ex).. we also moved very fast and I was concerned abt this because there were a lot of similarities and I expressed them all to him and told him I was scared, but he assured me he wasn't my ex and it wouldn't happen.. and I wanted to go slow but he started with all the forever talks and said I love you first and just really made me believe him. And it was so much better than the previous one because, well one, he didn't do all this back and forth doubting, two, we weren't long distance, we saw each other a LOT, three.. he was just so much better as my ex. He was that perfect person you envision for yourself but think can't possibly exist... But here I had found him.. how do I just let that go? And I thought there was no way that I would have to go through the pain, depression, and heartache so soon after finally healing. But on our 3 month anniv... He broke up with me. Said he wasn't ready for a relationship. It was very out of the blue.. we had a great three months.. rarely fought, fun all the time, happy all the time. I waited three weeks or so didn't talk to him at all and then called a few times and asked to meet.. asked if we could try again but go slow this time, really develop a relationship.. he said he still wasn't ready I said okay, then how abt we go on a few dates see where it goes.. not be together, but more than friends. He seemed excited abt this.. so I was happy.. but its just been up and down since then, this was end of Nov.. and then my birthday was last week and we had plans the day before and then he cancelled..I was really bummed.. and on my bday he only text happy bday, couldn't even call and wouldn't call me back.. then sat, I had plans to go to a concert, and I found out he was going to and I was a mess.. I didn't want him there, its small and I knew I'd run into him and above all I didn't want to see him with someone.. which is exactly what happened. He was grinding on her right next to me.. I felt so disrespected that he didn't have the decency for my feelings to not do that where I could see. I asked his best friend if they're together and he said no, that he'd tell me the truth.. so now it feels like Nov all over again when we first broke up. I haven't heard from him, I probably wont.. he always said he'd never hurt me and always tell me the truth, and he hurt me the most on my bday (sat concert was for my bday also)... I'm trying to hate him for doing that but I can't. I can't get over that he was the closest to perfect I'd ever had.. it took me a year and a half to get over the last 3 month relationship.. and this one meant so much more to me... I want to be with him so badly... (And for the record, I have had long term relationships, longest was 5.5 yrs) ..and I have tried dating other people as a distraction while I wait for him, or even to make me realize he's not so great...but they're all JUST NOT HIM.. why do I have to go through this again :( I feel like I'm dying.. or that I want to. Haven't eaten in over 2 days, can't sleep or suddenly get so sleepy and sleep for 30 min or an hour.. been in bed 2 days.. all day, and lots of tears. I just hope hell realize what he gave up...

    Hi, I check this site almost everyday to see if anyone replies after me. I don't really know why, maybe to console myself that I am not going through this alone, right here and right now. But of course I wouldn't want anyone to feel this pain (apart from my ex, but he's so emotionally stunted he wouldn't and couldn't). I was speaking to a friend last night about why I am taking this so hard when it was only a 8 month relationship. It's the worst ever. Maybe because in that stage you're so caught up in the throes of falling in love and have all these hopes building up, then it's snatched away from you without expecting it.
    I stuggle to find the anger in me too and I am suppressing it like I always do, but I know it will come and when it does it will be easier to deal with.
    I went for my first CBT session yesterday and I did feel better after it. I will be having about 7 more sessions, and I really, really hope they help but at the same time I am not placing all my hope on them in case I am let down. But I would reccomend it. It's emotionally exhausting but in a good way and being able to confide in a complete stranger with no fear of what they will think is really good. The CBT cousellor will open up your mind to places you mightn't have explored. He made me ask a lot of questions and say stuff out loud, as uncomfortable as it my have been at the time it was a good release. Anyway I can only hope the next sessions are helpful.
    I still cried last night in bed alone, and that's ok, Im fed up beating myself up for feeling pathetic because I cry. I have to accept all this in some way and learn to actually live with it at the same time trying to move on. It's consumed my life, every waking hour, in fact every non waking hour because all I do is have several vivid dreams of him every night. Then I wake and cry. Vicious fu*king circle.
    It's has got that bad that I am seriously considering moving out and away from my dear housemate and close friend who is like a brother i never had. He is my exes good friend and although my ex is avoiding the house, he will eventually come round and i dont want to be seen as the sad ex-gf who isn't 'over it'. I can not bear the thought of ever being around him or hearing him or seeing again because I can not be with him. It will set me back and it terrifies me. Also I feel uneasy when I know my housemate has been in his company, and when I amaway to my parents for the weekend and I come back I just know he has been there, under the roof I live in, whats meant to be my home, my sanctury and safe place. It feels like this man who has almost destroyed me is still lingering about close to my life and I will do anything to cut those ties where I can. I think my housemate would be really gutted if/when I leave, but I dont feel i have a choice and at the end of the day it is me who is finding the situation difficult therefore it is me who needs to remove myself from it.. Also I used to love my bedroom and enjoy spening time in there and sleeping there, now it is hell, it is where I self harmed, it is where I have cried my heart and soul out alone, it is there where I stare at the walls and ceiling thinking and thinking and thinking all of the sh*t, the memories, unrealistic fantasies.......it's is now a place i avoid going to, a place i no longer can properly relax in.
    And yet throughout all of this I hope......I hope for him to come back, to fix my heart, to mend me, to bring me back to life. It's so, so hard dealing with this.
    He emailed me yesterday morning, saying he hoped i was ok, hope i was all set for christmas and but could he please have his boots back because he was really struggling without them and to leave them with my housemate and he'll arrange to pick them up, leaving back an item of mine that he has. The twat doesn't give a sh*t how im doing or about my christmas, just wants his boots back. Which happen to be at my Mums. So anyway I deleted the email straight away. Took a lot of strength.
    Maybe I will leave his precious boots into the charity shop or fill them full of cow sh*t from my uncles farm and leave them on his front door some night in the p*ssing rain. I don't care anymore about loosing my dignity, he's already took everything else from me so why not.
    I hope I never feel like this again or go through this again. I hope it gets better. I really want to stop loving him so much.
    I thank God for amazing friends and family who have supported me throughout all of this, they have been invaluable. However I still feel alone in this horrific journey and it's only here that I seek empathetic solace.
    I pray for us all and I pray that no matter what the outcome that it will all be ok and our hearts will heal.
    x

    Have read each post and am embraced by both a sense of kinship & compassion, largely due to the shared similarities most everyone’s tale of woe. Male or female makes no difference…sorrow knows each gender.

    ~

    I am one of the 'dismissed' as it were: 24 years of faithful service - let go and with no gold watch. If that in & of itself wasn't bad enough, the kiss off was was done by phone... both classy & compassionate, huh. The reason that my services were no longer required by her? Who can say... I don't believe anything comes out of her mouth anymore, details to follow. Last time we were together, every word & action hers affirmed her love for me (per the usual even used the 'pet' name she'd given me, just as I had one for her.) None of which prepared me for the truth I was about to learn from her own sister: she told me my (now) ex hadn't been in love with me for years, felt sorry for me, and only saw me when she did for 'physical needs' (instead of feeling stud-ish, I feel used... some guys are sensitive/ have feelings above the belt.) Continuing, she was looking for a way to get me out of her life, was worried I might move back to the same town soon (that was our plan; we lived together 12 years & then spent the last 8 in a long-distance relationship due to family/career circumstances.)

    ~

    I had been betrayed, deceived, lied to directly my face, led on & at minimum used by a cowardly snake posing as a partner. That she and her sister both tried to use the rationale it was because she didn't want to hurt me & she felt guilty, my only response is: how do you think I feel now you two, handling things as you did? Her sister apparently had been telling her for years 'you have to tell him' (me), but my ex never did until earlier this year.

    ~

    Only vague generic info I got from my ex was the usual lies- sorry, meant 'lines': 'I've moved on', 'it's not you it's me' & of course 'don't blame yourself'. Also got this only slightly more specific cliche, 'We weren't on the same page' and a new song of freedom hers: 'I'm happy now, people say I'm glowing' (maybe she's radioactive?) I dunno.
    ____________________________________________________________

    Here is where the plot thickens

    ~

    I eventually got my ex to admit she wasn't 'in love' with me anymore - she loved me like a member of the family; can’t figure that one out exactly, giggolo that I am, apparently. She'd also told her sister - 'I've got to get (me) out of my life.' When (with her sister's permission) I relayed this last statement hers back to my ex, her response was - 'I feel like such an ass.' (Yeah I thought to myself, me too at the other extreme.)

    ~

    Tried to get more details, but was met with 'I don't want to see you again & don't owe you anything/explanation'. Oh, & to 'leave me alone.' I get dumped, a broken heart & she is bitter at me? What's wrong with this picture? Her attitude about breaking up is: just move on & don’t look back. Told her I’m sorry but I’m not that hard and I love/committ a bit more deeply than that. Also told he I felt like one of her dogs that she had thrown out in the trash rather than bury it or arrange for a more decent removal.

    ~

    So now 4 months later, haven’t seen her, her demand. Oh, and this: she tells me she’d consider it a ‘lack of respect’ if I tried seeing her. Guess her lack of respect via lying to my face for years doesn’t matter... nope, only her feelings. Did I use the word selfish yet? Or manipulative? This parting has left me pondering whether going to sleep and not waking up would be preferable to enduring one more moment of grief, watching a dream become a nightmare, and the loss of illusion: believing that someone was sincere and discovering it was but an idealized vision, once upon a time memory become fraud, corrupted somehow. Trust and love can be restored, I believe: whether the effort should be made, debatable. Discovering how much a person has changed (or maybe always was insincere? only I was too blind to see/pick up on cues?) from the one who first attracted you, is devastating: from sweet girl to bitter pill.

    ~

    What I miss most about our relationship is the meaning it gave to my life, or so I believed. I don’t miss the realization that what I believed was committed love was in fact convenience. I regret ever having met her at all: almost a quarter century for naught; hell of a price to pay for a learning experience (I'll never graduate at this rate.) All of the wonderful experience devalued – I now question each & every memory in the rear view mirror called hindsight.

    ~

    Am I now bitter? Ya think? You bet. For those who embrace ‘was a learning experience’, it was more so affirmation that some people (based upon the evidence commentary herein their own treatment the hands of others) are more committed than others to a relationship… rather than ‘we’ more so for them it's a matter of ‘me, myself and I’ run amuck. Now I get to wallow in emotional despair, scarred but with that added 'learning experience'. BS.

    ~

    The most important thing others need to know about healing a broken heart is all the heartfelt things other folks have already alluded to herein. I would add: what you gain learning experience you lose sense of innocence, no matter your age: a belief in love, trust & the like, least for some of us, least for awhile, if not forever.

    ~

    Caveat emptor: is it better to have loved & lost than to never have loved/been loved at all? To each their own.

    Discovering how much a person has changed (or maybe always was insincere? only I was too blind to see/pick up on cues?) from the one who first attracted you, is devastating: from sweet girl to bitter pill. That's what i think...it's been already 1 year since the brokeup, but the pain and sadness is still here..I'm gonna have to face a sad new years eve without him...We were both first gf/bf of each other but i really thought it was a serious relationship, despiste he was younger than me, i thought he was very matured for his age. And a very introspective guy...His house was my second home, he was treating me like a princess, crying saying never wanting to loose me. Even talking about children. and all of a sudden he dumps me for other girl. In the beginning he was confused, and confessed he didn't feel much empathy for her, and didn't love her more than me...but i didnt fought for him, i just let him go!! but i couldn't cope when he said to me he would be with her whenever feel like to, that i would sufffer more if he broke up later...that hurt me so.. i didnt talk to him in hope he would regret and come back to me and to show him how upset i was..but he did nothin...as he started to become used to be with this girl around i was forget along the way..she managed to win his heart...it feels like i was stabbed. And the worst is his egocentric attitude, the way he treats me,now, when i'm trying an approach; he says even if he's dumping her tomorrow we're not going to be together again. He don't talk to me in any way: i'm always the one to approach him..not even a friendship; cause he don't want to feel guilty and listen to my regrets again. He doesnt believe that i am able to have just a friendship with him, i end up talking about the same thing over again. But last time we were together i act like a simple friend, naturally, no bitter..but his face was serious, disturbed... it was an obligation to be with me. The meeting we had a couple of weeks before was better; he was surprisingly warm and kind to me, felt sadness and tender , love in his eyes... but it didn't repeat.... A guy who wanted to be always with me...i can't understand how he changed so...I love him so, i know he's the love of my life, i know i want to talk to him, i cant resist...but it's just to suffer with his words now. What to do?i'm still hoping something to change. hopin he's coming back. I just can't forget. help?

    Ive read every single entry in this blog and I am truly grateful to see I am not the only one suffering. Here is my story since Ive read it helps to write, to help deal and cope with the misery and pain. My relationship with my ex gf lasted only 8 months, but for some reason I am in such pain, misery and depression, and it feels like I had been with her for years and years. She was a coworker of mine and I had never thought much about her because when she started at my job I knew she was married and I didnt want to make her feel uncomfortable, nevertheless I thought she was gorgeus and a great person. I had a gf at the time and even though things where not great, she was still a good girl. Needless to say I come to find out my coworker was actually going thru a divorce, and since the day I found that out I started to talk to her more and more. We got closer and closer, and I ended up breaking up with my gf at the time to be with this girl. She was like no other girl I had ever been with, smart, funny, cute and just a pleasure to be around. Now she had moved to my town with her ex husband and after the divorce she knew no one except us coworkers. We quickly grew close and it wasnt long before we where dating. This was like I have told her the best 5 months of my life. We lived together and life was amazing, waking up next to her made my day every single day. We would talk about marriage and kids and usually in the past I would get defensive because I was never really sure I was with the right person, but with her it all felt so natural and i was so happy and the thought of spending the rest of my life with her brought me such joy. Unfortunately that was not to be the case. One day she called me hysterical that her father was sick and she may be moving back home, as she felt obligated to be by him. I could not blame her for wanting to do that, and she assured me we would talk more about it. Needless to say I panicked and we got in a big argument, because I wanted to know if she was really moving or not. Looking back now I feel that argument pushed her over the top and to decide to leave. She had contemplated staying because of us, but one day at work she sent the dreadful email requesting a transfer back home. I beged and pleaded for her to stay. Moving back home for her was only 2 hours away and I made every attempt to make her stay, i offered to drive up every weekend, anything to keep her. She was stubborn and had made up her mind. The resulting month and a half we had left together was the most amazing time I had ever experienced with someone, I knew what it was to have true love. We spend every single waking minute together, taking weekend vacations, just living life like I had always pictured I would with my soul mate. Repeatedly we spoke about us being soul mates and how we where perfect for each other. As the time grew nearer for her departure we grew closer and closer, until the day came. I beged and pleaded and i cried for her to stay. Now for me to cry was something I was not capable of but a rush of emotion came over me. She wanted to stay, and she even told me she was making the biggest mistake of her life and that she should stay but she drove away. Days passed and we kept talking like if we where living together still. The distance was hard but I wanted things to work out. We agreed to do the long distance thing (big mistake by the way, never again will I put myself in that horrible situation). A month or two passed, and everything seemed great, I would go see her, we would talk all the time and I really thought to myself this was going to work out. Here is where the heartache and misery began. I felt so strongly about being with her and I knew she was the one I was willing to sacrifice my whole life to be with that I offered to move up to be with her. Never mind my brand new house I had just bought before I met her, and all the money and time I spent to renovate it, none of it meant anything to me, i was blinded and therefore was not being rationale. Immediately she began to distance her self. She said she could not allow me to move up there and throw away my house, I would plead with her to consider it, that I would rent my house out. But then she hit me with it. She was very religious, going to church two to three times a week. I never went to church. I am not a bad person, I am very generous, caring and do anything to help anyone in need, but the fact that I didnt go to church was the downfall of us. I tried everything to convince her but she was blinded. She told me all this time how I was the one, how I was her soulmate, how she saw us growing old together and raising our kids, and then to just let it all go for this? We went on for a couple more weeks, trying, and I even began to go to church, but it was never enough. I kept going and praying to god that this would work and for his help to make it work but it never came. I felt betrayed,but I know thats being selffish, since so many others are in alot worse situations that me and I have alot to be grateful for. She broke things off, and now I am devasted. I cant eat a whole meal, ive lost 10 pounds in a week and a half. My days feel like an eternity, and they just drag on. I cannot for one second stop thinking about her, no matter what I do, something reminds me of her. Cant listen to the radio, cause every song seems to remind me of her and us and what we had. I read everyone else' posts and I find comforting in them, that I am not the only one going thru this, but it still hurts. My mother recommended I take St John Worts ( I think thats what its called) to help, and I have begun to take it, at this point I would take anything to try and help with the pain and depression. Im feeling all the same emotions at the same time, stomach ache, uselessness, feeling like I am worthless, sadness, then anger, then questioning myself and wondering what I did wrong, and blaming myself. I am a mess. I am usually the most happy go luck person, and thats what she used to love about me, that I never had stress and was always happy, and now I have been reduced to this, a self pitying human being that can barely function. Its been one week, and it feels like ground hog day, every morning I wake up and its the same thing. I wake up realizing she is not in my life anymore, and the sadness begins. I know it takes time, but its so damm painful. I like others have said would not wish this on my worst enemy. And the part that hurts the most is that she seems to have just moved on with no problem. How can someone who claimed they loved you just change so quickly and crush u. Sorry for ranting. As I write this I sit in bed waiting for her to call. I broke down today and emailed her and we spoke briefly, and she told me she would call me, but I know that call is never coming. Life is so cruel and sick and twisted. Good luck to all of your suffering, I hope it all passes for you quickly.

    asdf

    Im glad I found this blog. I read every entry and it makes me feel a tiny bit better knowing others are going through and experiencing the mental anguish and pain I am going thru. MY relationship only lasted 8 months, but they where the best 8 months of my entire 33 years of life. My ex was 24 so she was obviously younger than me and I think that is what did us in. We would talk about marriage and kids and spending the resf of our lives together, and I beleived it all. I had never experienced such joy and satisfaction by being with someone. Then one day she told me that I was not religious enough and that it was too soon for her to be in a serious relationship (8 months into it?). She had been recently divorced and I guess it was too much for her to handle. She was divorced in january, even though she had been separated for like 5 months before that, and we started dating in april. I was nothing but perfect to her, never did anything wrong and she herself would tell me I was the most amazing guy she had ever met, that i was there for her for everything, and that i was the one, yet in the end the lack of me going to church made me not fit to be with her. Thats why i dont believe in religion, and this is why. We where perfect for each other, but yet her religious beliefs told her that I was no good because I did not go to church. We broke up a week ago, and now I am a mess. Cant eat, lost 10 pounds in about a week, the days drag on for an eternity, nights are pointless, I fall asleep only to wake to a realization she is no longer in my life and then cant go back to bed. My friends are tired of hearing me talk about her and questioning myself. Im depressed and feel so lonely and useless at the same time. I find myself trying to figure out if I could of done anything different, yet she seems to have moved on with no problem. I blame myself sometimes and I know thats wrong because I did absolutely nothing wrong to deserve this, shes the one who broke it off. She said to me that she knows she would regret this and this is the biggest mistake of her life, but she still went through with it. ??? Thats what I dont get, if she feels that way why wont she stay. No point in trying to explain something that makes no sense i guess. Why is life so cruel. Well I hope all you others are moving along and getting over the pain. I know it will take time, as I lay here waiting for a call from her which will never come.

    Becomes clear (to me at least) that the dumpees sense we were done 'wrong' our particular case(s) is immaterial to the dumper- otherwise they wouldn't act as some did/do. It doesn't matter to the latter, or else they just see things differently (yes, there can be two sides to a story). Some of the methods employed by dumpersare simply cruel, any way you cut it... all the rationalization in the world can't turn their compartmentalized guilt into justification.

    ~

    Appears there is no value given 'right' or wrong' by them - or else conduct and how to give someone their walking papers is subjective in polite company; self-serving point of fact. So, trying to use 'common decency' or 'fairness' as a means to make a dumper feel guilty can (usually does?) fall on deaf ears, or at least they won't let you in on any sense of guilt they might be feeling. Self-preservation theirs - I liken this to a ship sinking and there not being enough preservers - it's every man/woman (out) for themselves.

    ~

    This is preaching to the choir of course, but while it might be easy 'knowing' you are better off without such people / their methods in your life, the actual 'accepting' part that formula (overcoming the sense of disappointment/betrayal yours) is the hard part. When you've invested yourself in someone in all ways and in some cases for decades (my case), i.e., seen them as you wanted to (idealized) & then as they actually are/moprhed into over time (their actions speaking louder than their words) well, there is your recipe for depression and all the rest. Some / even most of us will survive, but not everyone will recover similarly: bitter, jaded become, the things we do for / price we pay for love.

    ~

    Alright, enough of this sobering reality... chocolate/comfort food anyone? Temporary respite (like the comedian on stage, the damaged morose off), take any measure of relief you can find. Sincerely hope that everyone aggrieved finds their slice of peace sooner than later.

    Life for me has become unbearable. Severe depression is riding me like im a race horse. Ive lost my dad in a car accident right before I turned 16. Called to tell him I loved him for the first time in my life only to find out he was killed in a car accident that Sunday morning. I still get depressed. Ive been thru a divorce, my children who Ive loved and taken care of neglect to call me or visit me. After losing my job with bank of america. & going thru a hard time. My family began treating me as if i was a burden to them. I have a boyfriend now but he is very emotionally and mentally abusive. Because of his status no police officer will touch him. Even they have been mean to me and he's the abuser. Even punched me in the mouth and busted open my lip. I have no job, no car and live with him. I can't find a job to save my life. I suffer from a blood disease that has also taken alot out of me. No one call me or comes to visit me or check on me. Ive become severly depressed and find myself crying all the time.Way more than whats normal. I have started having pretty bad chest pains everyday now. This world seems so evil and people are so mean. Im not sure I even care if I die from a broken heart....or whatever.

    Well it's almost 7 weeks now since my world crashed around me. I wish I could say it's got easier. It hasn't really. I still cry most days and feel this horrendous emplty heavyness in my heart. Every day is a struggle, I hate how this is taking over my life. Every waking moment is consumed by the man who left me alone crying on the floor after swooping in, telling me it's over and swooping back out. I wish I could run away, far away and not have to deal with the fact that his presence still haunts me through mutual friends.
    I want this pain to stop so bad. I want to feel normal and happy again. I am waiting and waiting for this. And yet I wait for him to call, to say it's a big mistake and that he does in fact love me.
    No doubt he is moving on just fine, flirting and possibly seeing other girls, laughing, loving life, e.t.c. and I'm left to pick myself up and cope with healing my heart. It's so unfair. It's so pathetic to feel like this.
    I am grateful for amazing friends and family, their support has been invaluable.
    Last Saturday I was so upset driving in my car I ended up crashing into a ditch. Thankfully I escaped without a scratch and coping with the aftermath and trauma of that is just a small thing on top of being heartbroken.
    I know how people feel when they say they feel like they have no reason to live. I often feel like all i want to do is go to sleep and not wake up. I am mustering up hope for the future and I know rationally I am young, not bad looking, smart, kind, have wonderful friends and family and so much going for me. I just can't comprehend why I carry this intense sadness around me.
    I do not want to live like this forever, please someone tell me it wont always be like this. I want time to heal, I want to move on. But I guess how can I when I wont give up hoping that we might someday, get back together. It's ridiculous how I would even want to get back with him, he didnt even treat me right throughout the whole relationship, I never got anything back from him. He took my heart and soul and he still has it. I am left with nothing.
    if anyone wants to email me personally my email is funtimes1984@hotmail.co.uk
    Hope and love and light to each and every one of us.
    xx

    I am sorry you are going through this I know it is painful. I was on the other end although I did not cheat on her I wanted to leave her and kept us from the final tie. It was 2 or 3 months that went by before my world crashed around me on a date. I tried everything I could to get her back and still alone, sad and hoping one day she will change her mind. Everyone is different you never know if he will or not come back to you. I would suggest to do something you like. I would go bike riding, hiking and joined a social group that have all kinds of activities. But everyday I still break down over her loss. The hardest part is that I had the most wonderfull women in the world which I do not have anymore all because of me and I have to live with that. Keep busy be happy maybe he will want you back???

    Joe

    im 12 years old . guys are all older than me . i had feelings of girls from about 10 . but i am now 12 . there is a girl in neighbourhood . i loved her the moment i saw her . i began fallin for her . i write songs . i met her a month ago . i wrote some love songs and gave her . she used to say they were nice . then i came to a point where i wanted to give my whole heart . day and night i used to dream of her . then i saw that she was also intrested in me . i just wanted to go further in relationship now . i began to tell her many personal things . i reallylove her . then about 3 days ago . she stopped talking to me . i called her . i messaged her . the next message from her on day before yesterday was dont try to woo me . bye

    What ever it is plz help me how to get relief, help me and inbox me solution at candcheeema@yahoo.com i'll b thankful
    to you. :'(

    i dont want anyone to have a heartbreaking situation. I love you all who have let your heart be broken.

    This blog is a life saver. It has helped me tremendously this morning. Just reading everyone's stories and advice has soothed a lot of my pain already. Going through my THIRD heartbreak, can you believe it? I thank all of you who posted and shared your personal stories. If anyone would like to talk email me at bjagger83@hotmail.com

    I am divorced from a 12 year marriage where she cheated on me a few times. I left her in January 2005 and met the love of my life October 26, 2011. We hit it off immediately and I had the greatest relationship of my life or I could even imagine with her. Things happened and we started falling apart. I left December 2010 and did not look back while she called and was wanting me to go out. Well it hit me in March when I went on a date with a women that I would have considered the girl of my dreams on a physical and mental aspect. I was sitting at dinner with her when it hit me like a ton of bricks. I could not stop thinking of my Ex Kathy and went home crying. I basically cancelled the next 2 dates with this girl 30 minuted before we were suppose to meet. My Ex Kathy would see me then tell me to move on. And this would happen consistently over a 5 month period. At this time we dont go out and I seem to make things worse every time I speak or do something. I date but just cant move on and end up hurting a girls feelings so I decided not to date. Been a year now and I cant seem to get over her. I feel like a family member died like when my father did at age 18. I dont want to hurt anyone by dating, yet I cant stop missing her and thinking of her. Her voice, laughter, smell, touch, etc..... I know she is the love of my life and know I made millions of mistakes that I can not mend with her. I go over everything I did and make sure I dont ever do those things again in my next relationship if it ever happens.

    Joe

    I know what went wrong. I was angry and hurt over the failure of my marriage and the family unit. I did not want my ex-wife back but I had issues over the broken marriange and family. I remember many times specifically worried that my boys would be heartbroken if they "thought" I loved someone else as much or more then them. Although we got along really great I never let it get to the marriage or myself to her completely. Now what I was worried about hurting me or my kids hurt us and I find myself wishing I could have her back. I also rememebr in the last 6 months after I proposed and we were enganged scared and wondering if I should do this making up all kinds of excuses to myself of why not and staying in touch with people from the past that were an issue to the relationship almost like I did it so she would get upset and break it off with me. I never cheated on her physically but mentally I did.

    I just broke up with a woman who I had been in what I thought was a very wonderful and loving relationship for the past two years. Over those two years we were together she did everything she could do to try and convince me that she loved me oh so much and would tell me that I was the sexiest, most wonderful man she had ever met She would even ask me from time to time if I thought she was good enough for me and if I really loved her. I did everything I could do to show her that she was everything to me and that I did love her very much. Everything from doing yardwork and repairs on her house that she couldn't do herself or afford to have done. She really treated me like a king and I treated her like a Queen. Our relationship seemed so wonderful and everything seemed to be going great. She never once in those two years gave me any reason to believe otherwise. She had even wanted so badly for us to live together and meet each others families which I thought was great. and was planning on doing. Then, out of the blue about two weeks ago she informed me that the father of her 27 year old daughter, whom the daughter had never met and she herself hasn't seen since he ran out on her when their daughter was born contacted her and told her that he has loved her all along and would wait for her for as long as it would take for her to take him back. She then went on to tell me that she has always loved him and probably always will and wanted to give him another chance with her. Well needless to say I was quite devistated by this turn of events and have been left feeling shocked, extremely saddened and like everyone else on here, broken hearted. I haven't been able to eat, sleep or hardly have a happy thought since she broke this news to me. I'm depressed, angry and everything else that was decribed above. I've been through my share of heartbreaks over the years but this one has been the worse by far. I understand her maybe wanting her daughter to meet her father but for the life of me I will never understand why she would even consider giving him the time of day let alone become romantically involved with him after what he did to her all those years ago. If any of you women can give me some insight on why she would do this I would be quite grateful to hear what you have to say.

    To the last poster, that really really sucks. I know how you feel, I treated my ex like a queen and did everything for her, and she would always tell me I was the most amazing perfect guy and that no one had ever treated her as good. And in the end she walked away. I really hope this girl comes back to you, she will realize when the deadbeat walks out on her again. He did it once, he will do it again.

    As for everyone else on here, im doing alot better now, and one thing that I think helped was a product called St Johns Wort. My mother recommended it to me, and even though I was skeptical, I tried it and it helped alot.

    I hope that can help some of you who are coping and struggling on a daily basis. Please try it to see if it helps as it did with me. I still think about my ex daily, but my mood is much better. To all of those who have been hurt, remember those who hurt us are the ones who will regret it in the long run. We are all great people and we deserve better than those who have treated us bad.

    Take care.

    I can't believe how much better I feel now that I read this article. I guess it is true that although right now I feel all alone in the world almost everyone has felt this way at one point or another. It's also true that everyone gets over it sooner or later and how soon that will be depends on me. No point on dwelling on it to the point of a physical broken heart.

    Thank you for brightening my day!

    Hello...read all of these blogs and I have to say it has made me take comfort in my own situation. I guess its really true that misery does love company!! The honest, raw emotions that I've read really have made me feel not so alone or crazy. Hopefully my story can take your mind away for just a moment from your own heartache, as all of yours did for me. Thank you to everyone who shared. I truly hope it has made you feel better.

    I am 39yo just about to turn 40. My ex is 37. Im am just out of a 3 year relationship with this man. For the past year I cant count the times we have broken up and gotten back together. It hurts so much because having things in common is really an understatement. I would like to go into what those are but it would take too long...has to deal with common health issues. I invested so much time, opened my heart up totally and unconditionally to a man who said he loved me forever. Put his issues before mine making sure he never missed a doctor appointment, labs, pharmacy pick-ups, or dose of medicine, while juggle my own doctor appointments and a busy work schedule. I always put his first. Willingly, I totally financially supported him for two years while he tried to get his immigration status taken care of, which was not cheap, so he could get a green card (or whatever it is) and get a job. I never made him feel a burden. Those two years while I was working my butt off managing a hotel, putting in extra hours to put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads, pay bills, his cell phone, medicines, his cigarettes, and Brazilian cable channels, he was at home sitting on his butt, not working, not keeping the house, watching anything basketball, total slob, but MOSTLY on the internet --clearing his tracks everyday. And may I add that even though he brought nothing to help the household-- what I brought in was never enough. never satisifed....never, never, never. Always wanted more, more, more. Anyway, I suspected he was hooking up off the computer and I eventually found texts and numbers that confirmed I was correct. I threw him out, He came back,,,he did it again. I threw him out...He came back...did it again ect.. Until eventually he moved in with his brother in Miami and I moved to a different place in Ft. Lauderdale. Now we have been doing the same thing but breaking up and getting back but from a distance. His citizenship went down the toilet and he is officially illegal now and will be.

    I DONT KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT STOP! No matter what I say to him or act he still will swing by as if we are together, then leave like I was just a trick. Hardly no texts or calls...days go by. I receive no good night or good morning texts, miss you texts, nothing. If I send one he will reply, always does, some even sweet. But always very cut and dry. Never takes the initiative. Days can go by! Why doesnt he just leave me alone if he doesnt love me??? Ive talked to him and cried to him telling him what he is doing to me every time he comes and goes. Begging him to stay away if hes not in love with me. He says to just relax and I am crazy and he loves me and I cant just let things happen. Its been three freaking years. He says he loves me but plays games. He keeps it open so he can do what he wants without a commitment. Dangling future commitment like a carrot above my head making me think it will happen, never does, no matter how nice I am. He only calls me an hour or so before he wants me to pick him up...yes pick him up...this gem doesn't have a car either. Even if he did have a car the state of Florida wont give him a drivers license to drive it, or take the wheel to my car when im tired of driving us both everywhere. Why cant I stop this??? Why cant I let him go? Its been years!!! I am so stupid and I know it. How can I fallen in love with someone who treats me like this. Why cant I walk away?? I tried moving, changed my number few times, said very horrible things to him. Not calling. And he always boomerangs right back to break my heart all over again. And I let it happen. I think revengeful thoughts like turning him into Homeland Security. But I dont think that would even work. Illegals have to do a crime to be deported. Unfortunately, slicing my heart to pieces over and over again it still legal.

    All this has affected me physically and mentally. In addition to my self esteem being crushed... And it shouldnt be crushed. I am tall, been told good looking, worked out most my life and like my body a lot. Lost some hair but that doesnt bother me. I know I look good, smart, people are attracted to me. But I always hide behind my smile and dont have the focus or courage to have a conversation with someone, let alone get to know them. Feels like too much work and my head isnt screwed on right enough to converse. Its like what someone else said here "I feel like I am outside looking in". Im not here anymore. Im so lost, always. Being rejected by him has made me feel like the most stupid, pathetic, desparate, ugly, fool.

    I stay home mostly now and probably smoke more pot than I should. It helps make the time go by. And helps with the appetite. Even though it makes me feel better I cant help but think its not helping the depression. I do know smoking when I get home from work keeps me from driving down to Miami and lancing into his no good ass. It keeps me calm. Still very sad, but calmer. So for now the benefits are out weighing the cons on that matter. I dont drink alcohol but sometimes wish I did...seems like those people who do are having more fun. And I know my ex is out in bars drinking and having good time. I dont go to bars...never really did. And it kills me to visualize him in a bar or with someone else intimately . Feels like a sword through my heart each time they come into my head, which is too often, every day, all day. And I know the mind can take you to places you that are bogus, but still hurts just the same as if it was real. I wish I could move on. Why cant I move on? I had a good life before this. Before him. What is the hold he has on me? Is it all sexual? Im so confused, hurt and lost. Lost interest in everything. And its exhausting faking day after day after day. Bright side it hasnt affected my job as of yet. Lucky to get time away when I need it. I couldn't handle having people on top of me all day. Im really becoming a loaner. This is not me.

    Its NOT true that to get over someone else is to get under another. Its a cute saying but crap. Tried it and it doesnt work. And don't get me started on the whole "better to have loved than not at all" If I could forget this bum I would. Wish we would never met.

    I cant eat right, think straight, tired all the time. Ive isolated my self from my friends and occasionally muster up enough energy to call my loving mother who I love more than anything in this world. She is why the thought of suicide doesnt stay too long in my head. It has been a recurring thought even from past. Even sudo tried it few times. Just cant do it. I have one good friend left that is on the edge (friendship wise) with me; he feels like I am only giving him the time of day when its convenient for me. Theres some irony there...sigh Which I guess is true because i dont feel like hanging out anymore or going places. Cant talk to him about my issues with my ex cause i know hes tired of it. I dont want to loose my last friend. I'm obsessed on staring into my blackberry consistently waiting for a text or call thats not going to come. Eventually it will come but I will be disappointed in his enthusiasm. His last text read "How is u?' This is after 3 days of not seeing me. He can write perfect english. No: I miss you, been thinking of you...ect. His next text was "So when do I get to see you?" Which I replied "LOL seriously" . Few more exchanges of him blaming me for being upset again. I made it clear last time we were together that hes killing me and he needs to take us serious. He agreed. Then blows me off for three days, then accusing me of being the jerk for being upset he was gone. We lived together for two years and saw each other everyday. How can think calling me back 3 days off can be acceptable when we just talked about it. But this is how its been for long time. How can someone be so cruel for so long? How can he see my suffering and say he loves me then breaks me down every time he's bored and wants to see me?

    I thought by now i would be mature enough to not have to go through this again. It feels like my first love when I was a much younger, naive man about 20 years ago. I thought that was just a one time thing but I was wrong. Im afraid to let this happen again. How do I get out of this??

    One thing I am sure that no matter what age, gender, race, preference, whatever, I can see it all hurts us the same. Same intensity, insanity and pain a heart break brings. I wish I had answers to share with all of you...Find peace, find yourself and happiness.

    My husband was having an affair with someone from his workplace. I was so upset, I didn't know where to turn.untill a friend introduce me to SUNRISE SPELL which gave me the strength to confront him, and I won him back! The girl got fired, and now we are happier than we have ever been.... if you require any assistance contact sunrisespell@gmail.com

    What is sunrisespell? Can you tell us more?

    And I just have to tell SOMEONE how annoying it is that every time I get on this website or navigate on it, a popup ad comes up with a couple talking about their romantic vacation in St. Lucia, which is one of the islands we went to
    on our honeymoon!!!! Geez! It's horrible!

    muhammad
    Wow! You are a great writer. Nice photos too. keep going
    Physics education.
    I went through this the first time a year ago..it took i think eight months to get everything in perspective.It was tough. but i did get over the pain though not over him.I don't think i could ever get over him,hopefully if I'm lucky what we had will come again. anyway, after eleven months(last month) he said he wanted a try. after so much hesitation(am really proud lol!) i agreed.today.,just now he just ended things. that things cannot be the same again..hahaha,i can't help laughing out loud.while tears stream down my face at the same time.all I can think is, how did I allow myself to get into this situation TWICE?hahaha.
    anyway, my heart goes out to all of those in such situations. things get better and then worse.and then better till one day, you will be home,soulmate et all.life is a cycle.

    it's true for me. I experienced for 2+ years (Broken Heart) and i was the one who called it off. The pain is not just with the brokee, but also with the broke-r!

    I whent thru two heartbreaks in a row, I was married for 9 years while I was in the process of divorce, I was in turmoil still in love with my ex husband and dealing with the heart ache, my daugther told me she was abused by him after he had just told me he was planning on coming back home to us. I can literaly say my knees gave out on me, and my chest felt like my heart was going to stop. I never felt so much pain. The heart ache of someone hurting my child was definatly the hardest thing ived had to endure, and to know it was someone we trusted and loved.. my daugther was going thru the same process as well so I had to be strong put my feelings aside. I never cried in front of her but I cried almost every nigth. He is running from the law now. After almost 2 years I can honestly say I feel as thou we already passed thru the difficult stuff. I get sad on ocassion once in a blue moon, my daugther needs to talk to me and it brings out those feelings but I know she needs to let them out and perhaps in doing so we can be on the path to complete recovery. The sad feelings arnt as strong as the used to be. Im very happy but, my heart seems to have an ocassional palpitation that I can physicaly feel. It literaly feels like my heart is irregular for a few seconds. Ived never had problems with my heart before this whole incident, There where ocassions in the begining where the pain in my chest was so severe that I would have trouble breathing. I really belive theres a physical link between your heart and the emotional heartbreak you may experience.

    This is only with regard to a breakup (for me after 8 years)

    Rips the flipping guts out of you.

    But I suppose you have to remember that nobody is dead. You were always you but for a spell were defined as two people, and, in my case anyway, tended to use the relationship as a crutch.

    I stopped making music, which has been a lifelong passion for the sake of that relationship.

    Not taking anything away from it, I suppose it was a cool experience looking back. Broke me when it ended. But nothing lasts forever. Still stings, but that's no need to give up. Sometimes you need a bit of solo vibe to find you again.

    Chin up soldier :)

    Remember, even the greatest dancers in the world are bound to leave the dance floor

    I'm so ashamed of what happen to me but I needed to talk and have feed back. I am a married 50 years lady, my husband cheated even if he is back in trying to patch the marriage but I had been unhappy for many years, I was took for granted and I allowed it (stupid me). I'm staying in may marriage only for my daughter. In any event, I met this much younger guy in a client-working relationship (he is also married) and we talk and laugh, innocent flirting, which I thought was mutual. Then I realized that I had a tremendous chemistry for him and again I thought it was mutual. I felt alive again but ashamed of the reasons of what made me feel alive: an impossible and irrational situation. I must have, changed my behavior, probably I flirted more and also try to detach at the same time. Probably I confused the hell out of him. He became first colder and now is slowing becoming nicer again. As a response i' m just behaving as normal as I can be, no more flirting, I pretend to be in a good mood.
    What bother me, is how in the word a woman of my age is capable to feel so heartbroken for what happened (nothing happen between us). I cry, I don't eat and I'm very depressed. Am I delusional? What can I do to stop this illusion to take over me? Why can my reasoning winning over my feelings? And why I cannot stop feeling that this chemistry was real? I really felt it. I need help. Any comments, positive or negative will help to explain to myself that hopefully I'm not totally crazy as my pain suggest. Please answer me I really need help!

    Thanks

    illy you have nothing to be ashamed of. Your experience with your work associate revealed to you that you have the capacity for deeper emotion and passion within you than your current relationship is allowing you to express. Your distress is natural. Your heartbreak is less likely over this person and more likely over the fact that you have no way of expressing this side of you at this time. About what is unfulfilled in your life right now, emotionally and spiritually with your current relationship. I suggest you take stock of your life and start making decisions about priorities, what you value and want in a relationship, are you getting it now, is your marriage salvageable, and if not, then what are you going to do about it.

    it's been already 1year and 2months since my bf dumped me. It's the most painful way to end a relationship:to replace you for another girl. And the treatment i get after what happened.He left me but said to me that he didn´t love her more than me;he seemed to be confused and confessed not feeling much empathy for her. He was showing sadness and respect. But he changed soon:he became cold, and simply was gone from my life, adding it was a burden to be near me, lacking any sensibility or respect. The impression caused on me is of strong betrayal;as if our relationship-which was close, warm and tender-meant nothing to him. Like if had been a brief affair? I loved him, and still do,like no other girl will ever love him. I always had the sensibility not to put him experiencing the feeling of jealousy. I respected his space..I don´t wish that to no one. If u love someone u just want that person to feel happy, and secure about your love and it´s total childish, dont make sense to even think of such thing. Cause u have no eyes for anyone else. I feel so sad and angry because he causes me to feel like a garbage. I keep my self esteem, i know of my value and i want to believe that i will be able to achieve much more for my future. I'm no better than anyone else but no less either. His now indifference and total absence/missing just shows no respect at all for me and he thinks i'm a looser, a weak and dumb girl. One of the reasons thet he claimed for leaving me is that he sees no future at my side and he wants a future. He´s 25 years old and doesn´t know what to do with his life. He´s been in 3 different courses at university, now he started a new one. He puts all his hopes on a girl. Some kind of determined woman full of energy and ambition to run his life and offers him money and status. Funny cause men sometimes feel uncomfortable about a woman's being more sucessful than them, but he is the total opposite. He wants to be passive and wants her to dominate and provide excitement to his life.But it´s in his hands to run his life, to achieve things for himself and not putting all expectations on a woman. I think he sees himself a great guy too good for me. So far i just saw a guy who barely never worked, depending on his parents. I'm trying to find strenght by reading a lot of thinkers and philosophers quotes on love and life. He don't give any value for all the love i devoted him. He has distorted ideas about me. He manipulates emotions; he acts as if a victim, offended. I make him feel bad, he don't want to feel the guilt, the monster side he showed me. I realize he is eggocentric, thinking merely in himself and his interests. I never expected he would behave such way with me; not even allowing us to be friends. He don´t worry about my feelings-how i feel today. I feel a true love, because i gave him freedom to fall in love with this girl, although with much suffering, feeling pleased to have his friendship. I think it would be a form of comfort...but he don't allow that...This is true love. I have mixed feelings; feeling hope, love and angst;he don´t deserve me...I now think i was fooled, used, a pet in his hands, i wa with someone i didn't knew. I read something like this:"the cruelest thing to do is to make someone fall in love with u, if u don't intend to fall..." In the beginning of our relationship he doubted his feelings towards me, but soon fell in love, but in the same determined, confident way he broke up with me he should

    he should have done that in the beginning, in order not to cause me illusion and pain. I would love to have an explanation to all that; why i been so unlucky, this is like a strange phenomenon, how can someone changes so much, the power a girl, friends?family? have, to influence so much and destroying everything...He was so tender to me, so loving...Was i too naive, blind? He blocked my calls, on msn too..No contact at all. I feel so traumatized! It's a whole concept of love, belief in building a family like most of us desire that was completely destroyed.. He managed to mess up with my self esteem, to dominate me. I wish i could be selfish just like he was, just regarding his own interests and feelings, not mine.. A 2 side faced... I'm on pills, making an effort to cherish myself, to go out, but this wound cuts deep! I can never forget , never! Saturday nights are bad, sensitive days like new years eve, birthdays! Just thinking how much fun he's having! while i'm lonely, lookinf for solace on my friend's and parents company! This is my e- mail ;nz21@hotmail.com.. I just dont know what to do. Its a great deal just to simply going on with my life knowing of his existence out there, freely happy, not showing any feelings. Love and people are so disposable nowadays, it's so shocking!

    Gerhard Adam
    When are people going to realize that obsession is not love?
    Mundus vult decipi
    Do you know... what heartbreak means?

    Gerhard Adam
    Depends.  There's the "heartbreak" of truly having one's emotions upset because of a close attachment.  Then there's the "heartbreak" of simply being in love with one's fantasies and being obsessive [by simply wanting things to go your own way].  The latter doesn't count for much in my book.

    After all, how much "love" can be present when an individual refuses to recognize another individual's choices as being as legitimate as their own?
    Mundus vult decipi
    Ok. I just asked because the word obsession is used...and by many people... in a negative (pejorative) way... I wish a had a rubber to delete what happened, to be able to forget, but it's just impossible. It makes a print, like a virus! I live with myself 24/24 right? That´s my own skin, unfortunately we can´t be someone else! Besides, i think my feelings matter too! Because someone touched inevitably my self...Nevermind, I´ve always been very conscious and contained in my relationship. I was conscious unfortunately all the time, knowing how young he was, how most of men...are! that's why i sometimes wish i would have born a man....But what surprises me is a change so deep; i never thought he would behave that way with me. Well, i don't talk to him for a long time already, i respect what he wants - me to stay away. But i would love that somebody would please investigate why a guy turns from a sweet...to a asshole?

    Gerhard Adam
    But i would love that somebody would please investigate why a guy turns from a sweet...to a asshole?
    See, .... that's where I have a problem.  What makes you think that this is the only way these things happen?  It already suggests a myopic view of things.  Do you think women never turn cold?  People are people and to imply [or suggest] that they may never change their feelings or behaviors is simplistic. 

    In truth, people are often "forced" to become "colder" because the other person invariably doesn't get the message if they don't.  This is one of the primary difficulties in such situations. 

    Most of these posts seem to uniformly fail at understanding what would happen if they did actually get back together with the person in question.  On the surface, I'm sure the initial attitude is that it would be great, but on reflection, I can't see how many of these posters believe that most of these relationships would ever work out. 
    Mundus vult decipi
    Bonny Bonobo alias Brat
    Most of these posts seem to uniformly fail at understanding what would happen if they did actually get back together with the person in question.  On the surface, I'm sure the initial attitude is that it would be great, but on reflection, I can't see how many of these posters believe that most of these relationships would ever work out.   
    I don't think that is necessarily true Gerhard, most of these posts seem to be written by heartbroken people who just can't understand how they were so wrong about someone else, who they had good reason to believe were worthy of their love and reciprocated their love. 

    This heartbreaking experience has often destroyed their confidence in their own judgement and I personally believe that there is a direct correlation between how deeply one has loved someone and how deeply one feels heartbroken when that love is betrayed or lost in some completely unexpected way. 

    People who do not love intensely probably can't understand the subsequent equally intense pain, anguish and depression that heartbroken people feel. By analysing their experiences and sharing their stories with other like-minded people, as is happening here, many heartbroken people seem to be more able to start recovering and hopefully start learning to love and trust again. Counselling can be useful if there is a sympathetic counsellor and not one that just tells them to pull themselves together and get over it. Time can also be a great healer, as can falling in love again of course.
    My article about researchers identifying a potential blue green algae cause & L-Serine treatment for Lou Gehrig's ALS, MND, Parkinsons & Alzheimers is at http://www.science20.com/forums/medicine
    Thank you Helen. You expressed perfectly how i feel, how we, heartbroken , feel.. I was trying to say to Gerhard that in fact is a quite complex thing, not linear. Like you said wonderfully " most of these posts seem to be written by heartbroken people who just can't understand how they were so wrong about someone else, who they had good reason to believe were worthy of their love and reciprocated their love". Those are key words. It´s a sense of confidence, love, friendship betrayed. The expression, bite the hand that feeds makes some sense. And yeah, people can´t understand...Because i loved so intensely, that i would cry sometimes with such emotion. I never thought i would love someone so so much.I knew what true love is. The relationship if back together would not be a hysterical wonderful thing; i would be much more demanding, that guy needed practically to prove he deserves to be at my side, and to give all the value that apparently lacked before....

    Gerhard Adam
    The relationship if back together would not be a hysterical wonderful thing; i would be much more demanding, that guy needed practically to prove he deserves to be at my side, and to give all the value that apparently lacked before....
    Exactly my point.  Which is the path to "getting over it".  If feelings still persist despite recognition that the relationship wouldn't work, then it becomes dysfunctional and the "love" is with a fantasy and not the reality.
    Mundus vult decipi
    If you hate his ex try reading I HATE HIS EX by Alex Cooper. I had loads of problems with my fiance’s ex and I have now resolved them thanks to the advice in this book! You can get it on Amazon! Definitely worth a read! :)

    I am so thankful that SUN RISE SPELL is GOOD to me. I am old enough now to look back over my life and see where He has brought me from. I see His hand on my life the whole way. How I love Him! I am thankful for his SPELL CASTING. I am thankful for His abiding presence. I am thankful for His patience with me as I am growing. I am thankful, oh so thankful, that he brought my lovely girl back to me which is my precious love. I am thankful for the joy that He's brought into my life: my wife, my beautiful children, my home. He is precious and good and altogether lovely. Oh bless His name! sunrisespell@gmail.com" Alissa cares....

    Josie Woodbury, USA
    “Dr.gboco (gbocotemple@yahoo.com)has amazed me as I have seen results from everything he

    has done for me, often quite fast. While I have been to other spellcasters who I believe

    tried their best; Dr.gboco simply is the best, being truly gifted and having . He is a

    truly kind and generous person who took time out on a weekend recently to help with a

    difficult ongoing case for me which brought him no personal gain. His work resulted in an

    all out miracle with a man I have been in love with for two years. Dr.gboco!”

    I had already tried 4 different online spell caster's services, but all the casters I met were jerks and scams. Then my Walter told me about Old Religoin Temple. I wasn't sure anything would come out of it, but I thought, why not take a chance? I cast a Love Spell, and the very next week a gorgeous guy came up to me at a club and asked me to dance. He is caring, kind, romantic - everything I always wanted. We've been together for six months, and we're talking about getting married. I'm a believer!" If you requires any assistance, you can contact the temple through oldreligoin@gmail.com Arsha

    Gerhard Adam
    Are you whacked?  Even if it were true, what makes you think that "casting spells" would be an ethical way to get someone to be with you?  Are you truly so desperate that you'd willingly manipulate someone into a relationship?

    If so, you deserve everything that happens to you.
    Mundus vult decipi
    nothing explains the pain anymore than this song

    I AM SO SORRY TO READ SO MUCH PAIN AND DESPAIR.
    My man replaced me, but not with another woman, but a drug. I lost my love to anti depressants two weeks ago. I was with him for two years. He was the most feeling, passionate, and sensitive kind of man. After 6 weeks on the drug Paxil, he is now mean and has no emotion. His empathy and sensitivity was like a drug to me, it was the thing I loved most about him. It is real hard dealing with the pain of having to say goodbye. I had to end it, I couldn't take the coldness anymore, it was hurting to much. I am longing for him, but I know hes emotionally dead. MY HEART FEELS BROKE. THIS SUCKS.

    P.S. Does anyone know if a person on anti depressants are oblivious to emotions shut down.

    I just broke up with my boyfriend. He was the love of my life and was my first for everything. It's only been two days and all I want to do is sleep and cry. I miss him so much and it's so hard to remember everything we've been through together and now I don't have him anymore. My heart hurts and I hate eating. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm often in my room laying with my dog dwelling on past memories. It's very hard for me to not talk to him and I can't explain in words how much it hurts me. I know I deserve better than him but I can't seem to convince myself that I want better. What he did to me and how he treated me hurts but what hurts the most is knowing how sweet and nice he USED to be. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so lost and confused. I know we won't get back together and that I probably won't ever see him again. fml. I don't know what to do :( I have emotional support from my older sister but I feel like I burden her with my problems when I know she has problems of her own. I just feel like a zombie. I'm not motivated to do anything anymore and it's so close to the time where I lost my mother twelve years ago. I feel like I'm dying on the inside. I feel like a complete failure and I'm so miserable without him even though I was miserable with him.

    how´s things goin?
    I also felt like a total zombie. The shock comes from: all the love we devouted was....in vain! just like that! someone with a 2 sided face, its just crap! not worth your time and attention. That guy dumped me, never regret it, like if it was a toy relationship, but i feel i´m strong now, much stronger. This kind of situations are good cause it helps u grow. I have now a different view of life, i´m different now...i´m kind of bold, i have no fear! i´m feeling so strong! and i feel that that dumb boy just never deserved me. Of course i still feel kind of sad if i see the girl he is now f...dating, talkin fine over facebook, like everything´s ok...it´s a mixture of some sadness and angst...but i´m overcoming! u people just have to think you are MUCH BETTER than those immature little trivial guys..time kind of heals...i thought "that´s impossible" but heals, but much of the work is by getting in touch with other people, new people, new guys, but now more aware and...selective. u just get more stronger, believe me. cut all those suicide thoughts! Why? because of some ASSHOLE? no way!! be loud and proud please! brave and confident!

    Spiritual dr bunt wintchcraftspell@mail.com is a lovely spell contact....
    I hope to publish my message! I want to testify the world how legit this caster is . I can say from his 1st message that I felt much more confident with him than with any other caster. It s obvious that he is not here only for money but truly to help people. I thank God I chose him to cast a spell for me. When I read all the bad reports about so many casters I was freaking out to send him so much money but now I don t regret it a second! chanhil gave me a phone call only 4 days after I finished the casting of the spell. Honestly, I wasn t thinking it would have been so fast. I didn t even recognize his voice, it was such a long time I talked to him for the last time! Only 1 week after the end of the spell we met up and we made love all night at his place. It was fantastic and emotionally it was even better than our very first date! Everything happened as bunt promised and I thank him for sincerity. Much love. Sibley melakieb

    Hi.....
    I really liked Adam's opinions and views...and i need ure advice.. as u seem to be a very sound person... i was cryin wen i did a search to know how to get over heart break... my case is ..few months back.. in 2011.. i met a guy... we instantly hit it off... two months we dated... it was the first time i had fallen in love i felt...still feel.. i thot he loved me too.. he also said that... but due to some unavoidable circumstances.. he got married to some one else..(it was due to family pressure..an arranged marriage... its India..things still happen like this).. bt we kind of broke off all of a sudden before his marriage... i went to a state of depression coz of that ...took to substance abuse-alcohol and smoking both.....he got married in november last yr..then..i becme bad to worse.. but slowly began to accept my fate... bt all of a sudden in Jan ..this guy texts me..sayin he wants to get back..atleast as frenz..we met after that ..i knew it was wrong.. but i cudnt stop myself,..second tym we met.. we got lil intimate..i knew that we can never be juz frens ne more.. and had never imagined that i wud do such a thing in my life of gettin involved with a married guy.. i dont want to do this.. bt i miss him horribly.... i dont want to contact him..bt end up doing that.. how do i keep myself sane ..coz all dis is drivin me crazy day and nyt ...wot shud i do.. please please help me.. please..

    last month.. i even tried to commit suicide...i have never been in so mch pain in my life.. thru out my life i have been focussing in my career..studies n den job... never thot i wud be so pathetic in my life..dont know wot to do..how to stop my self.. from this disaster... i dont want to contact him or meet him.. bt stayin away is soo very difficult.. it kills...momentary lapses make me contact him... i dont know wot to do.. sometime i think as if dying wud have been better than bearing all this...

    Although I know the pain is so very real and that it's hard to stay away, you must realize that there is more to life and happiness than being in love. Think of how you were happy before you even met him. There is a life without him, and you survived it just fine. It sounds like you are a hard worker and I think you should focus again on your career, and I'm sure you will be very successful. The more you find other things to focus on, the less you will remember him, as unlikely as it seems. You're heart will heal and you will find love with a person whom it is right to be with. And being with someone who will freely, unabashedly love you back will be more rewarding than you can imagine. Also think of all the people in your life who would miss you terribly. You are stronger than heartbreak.

    hmmm....thanks a ton for your kinds.. who ever u are.. God bless u..... it was stupid of me to end life..and yes i should get back to my career and other interests rather than brooding over him all the time.. will give it a shot... dey say time is the greatest healer...if not in months den in years i will surely get over this..hehheh...its funny as i say dis...sometimes the memories bring back smile make me laugh too.. bt then next moment there is a pang.. neways.. i wont talk abt depressing stuff... ppl say it reinforces the sentiments ..better focus on something else... bt keep up the good job.. listening to wot strangers have to say..abt their pain and heartaches..is a noble deed indeed...

    best wishes

    i meant thanks for your kind words!!!! phew typo :P

    Ok, reading all of these post I think brings emotion to the heart for everyone who has experenced some kind of heart break. I am going to tell my story of my first love. I hope that it might help some people if not, hell it'll make me feel better. When I was 16 I fell for a boy a little younger then me. It was teenage love but love never the less. We date for a while and things were amazing. I was happpy and contant. It was me that ruined it though, being young and nieve. I went to see a friend one night and had a few drinks, my ex turned up and .... well you get the idea.

    The pain I felt that night was like nothing I have ever felt in my life.( I sit here now writing this crying. I'm now 22, living with my current boyfriend who I would say is my soulmate though and though but this still hurts.) Anyway, I told my him that I had cheated that night, I am such a trueful person I couldn';t hid it with him. I should have ended it there and then knowing that all trust was gone but I was 16, so young and nieve. we carried on dating.

    After a few month it was came to head and he left me. I can't remember a lot about this time my mind has block it. I was in big pit with no way out. I used to drink for 4 days striaght from 7 in the morning when I would get on the bus to go to collage. Feeling all the guilt of what I had done.

    Next came the anger, I am not an that kind of person I do not hurt people but something took over in side of me. I stalk him, on msm, I hack his accounts, I pretented to be someone else. Worst off I said I was pregnant with his baby. After a while this all stoped. My life didn;t go back to normal but I lived a little. I felt alone though, very alone. I used to meet up with men just for there companionship. Really they were just using me.

    Two year later I met my current boyfriend, because of the things I had learnt I know how to cope with things. I must have done something right as I am still with him now. We were honest from the begining. Our relationship is very much based on true and we are very happy. But till this day 6 years later. Whenever I see my ex, I still feel this love for him and the guilt of all the pain that I brought him. This I think was one of my biggist lifes lessons. I will never forget what I did and how much it hurt. However chin up everyone things happen for a reason and you may not be able to see it at the time but it will get better.

    I hope my story helps and I a'm sorry for all the spelling errors, I am mildly dyslexic.

    I'm 28.. I've been through a couple heartbreaks, but this one is the most intense. Long story short: Girlfriend, 3 1/2 years, 9 yr old son. After much discussion, we decided to take a 3 month "break" to re-assess our lives/ourselves. And I've exhausted all possible outcomes in my mind, but emotionally I am preparing myself for the "up" following the word "break".
    We've been on break 1 week, and inside me it's been an emotional rollercoaster, but I don't cry because that doesn't solve anything. Crying just makes my eyes swollen and my nose red. I would tear up, but excuse myself to the bathroom and regain my composure. At night it's harder..tears have fallen then, but not for long. A minute at the most...
    It's going to hurt. Such a drastic change in one's life is overwhelming. Things will seem out of control. Some things may be, but not all of it. Just maintain control of what you can, and let go of what you cannot. Humans were built to analyze and adapt. That's pretty much what our minds and bodies are doing during tumultous times. Whatever you're experiencing, you just have to remember you are human and you're built to survive.

    its very nice to read all of your stories guys!!!

    we really all experience pain because of heartbreaks..i do too!i met a guy.hes not fr here.hes from US. since that im single for 2 yrs, my coworkers made a blind date for me.thats how e met..hes good.gentleman.im really shy coz its really my first time to experience something like that..after 2 days he invited me to their house for me to meet his family..im in a shorts and a simple but nice blouse..nice get up for me.but his family had a bad impression just because of the way i dress.that's so unfair coz its not enough that you judge a person by the way he/she dress right? that was too painful.i'm not going to details of what they told about me..what can i say is that they put me down the way they judge me..but the guy told me that he doesnt care what their thought about me all about..he said im nice and definitely like me..i like him too.its the feeling that you know that there is something different that you feel for someone though you just met for awhile..im just comfortable with him,.then after few days he already went home coz he left much works back in his home..i got skype coz he wish me to have though at first i really dnt know how to use it.ignorance attack!but i did i for him..yes we chat, we talk almost everyday..but after 1 month..he was lost..ummmm..i dont know what is he doing already..i dont what to feel.i just miss him soo much though honestly we dont have committment..i think i was fell in love with him that until now im always trying to get online just hoping that ive got a message from him and hoping that hes online to that i might get a talk from him..is this love?why do fall in love so easy..?how i wish i ca tell it to you face to face..I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU SO MUCH

    :(

    What the....?  Am I still on the science20 site or is my browser broken?

    Whining teenagers and now... witchcraft !!!

    Ugh. I need a bath.

    Wow! what a heart of glass! If , i mean IF are teenagers around here whining, let them WHINE the way they know/want!. Teenagers have their right to express their feelings too, or am i wrong?. Or maybe u are all wrong and there´s some adults here also whining! and what´s the big deal?
    All i want to reinforce is that love is hard, but really HARD these days. Instead of watching this society developing i just contemplate the opposite; people are selfish, just think mostly of their own satisfaction, lack of values, morals and that´s it. I really admire long but really long marriages,but unfortunatly seems like they they are just in extinction these days...Relationships are just simply disposable, people are disposable, sexism, and that´s it! And i´m not being exaggerated, and i´m not bitter in my relationships and daily interaction with others. It´s just a peaceful , calm awareness. Reminds me of Diogenes, out on the streets during the day with a lantern looking for an honest man! lol

    love spells that work
    I heard about a spell caster whose is great and powerful source to know about love spells. A friend gave me his contact email address below i contacted him on and told him about my issue with my ex, and and he cast a love spell for me and my lover who left me for seven months came back to me just after 5days and i am very happy. you can also meet with him on the same address lovesolutionspell@priest.com

    Thanks and my name is miller

    Miller - you are a fool.
     
    So you believe you have the RIGHT to reduce your lover to a radio-controlled toy?

    With a warlock meddler, whom you don't know from satan himself, at the controls!

    How pathetic.
     
    You're more scary than Voldemort. At least Tom Riddle knew he was evil.

     


     
    “I have a friend who's an artist and has sometimes taken a view which I don't agree with very well. He'll hold up a flower and say "look how beautiful it is," and I'll agree. Then he says "I as an artist can see how beautiful this is but you as a scientist take this all apart and it becomes a dull thing," and I think that he's kind of nutty. First of all, the beauty that he sees is available to other people and to me too, I believe. Although I may not be quite as refined aesthetically as he is ... I can appreciate the beauty of a flower. At the same time, I see much more about the flower than he sees. I could imagine the cells in there, the complicated actions inside, which also have a beauty. I mean it's not just beauty at this dimension, at one centimeter; there's also beauty at smaller dimensions, the inner structure, also the processes. The fact that the colors in the flower evolved in order to attract insects to pollinate it is interesting; it means that insects can see the color. It adds a question: does this aesthetic sense also exist in the lower forms? Why is it aesthetic? All kinds of interesting questions which the science knowledge only adds to the excitement, the mystery and the awe of a flower. It only adds. I don't understand how it subtracts.”
    ― Richard P. Feynman

    Sandy

    My lover of seven years left me in the middle of the night, he gave no warning or indication that he was leaving. I work at night and when I arrived home the morning after he left everything he owned was gone. I am month later I found out that he was seeing a younger guy that he worked with, the guy practices a form of Santeria. This individual destroyed my life without as much as a forethought! prior to coming to Dr. Lee for help, I asked other spell casters for help and received none! Dr. Lee is the only one who helped me! I am glad to report that my lover and I are now back together. Thank you Dr. Lee for everything that you did for us. And for those who need help should contact this man for help on his email address via: Ancientfathersandmothers@gmail.com

    Gerhard Adam
    How pathetic is that?
    Mundus vult decipi
    Duddde this is exactly how I feel.. i keep losing people i am inlove with.. it makes me depressed. Extremly depressed.. to where i listen to sad music all day, i wish i could move on.. i can only move on when i find someone new.. but when i find someone knew somthing happens to the and im back to point one again.. i neeedd helpp

    The author discusses the change that comes about after a loss, stating, "and so will it be for the rest of our lives and next." Now what is the reference to "next"? It's obvious that the author is referring to some life after death. This is a science publication, or so I understand. An afterlife is not a scientific concept. At the very least this type of science journalism is religious compatibilism, and at the worst threatens the credibility of science.

    Hey all, I am currently going through my first proper heart break- at age 30. I have had a serious relationship before, but this man who has broken my heart, I feel I will never get over. Stupidly, I started dating this man five years ago- aware that he was married. He was, however, in a situation where he was in it for the kids, and he and his wife slept in separate bedrooms. He and I split almost three years ago. I was so devastated I moved states, but still kept in touch with him every day since the split. I felt he was my best friend and wasn't concerned that he would hook up with anyone else, as we split because he was married & didn't want to leave his kids , and thought he wouldn't do it again. Our relationship was incredibly beautiful, I remember knowing within the first couple of weeks that he was my soulmate. He also indicated these feelings on a regular basis.

    Since we split up years ago, he has told me that if he ever was to divorce he would see where I'm at, and that if he was ever going to be interested in a relationship it would be with me. I found out from him weeks ago that he is getting divorced. I also discovered he has been flirting with many women, visiting their houses etc, and has said he is now living as a 'single man' since finding out about the divorce. I honestly believed that he had intentions of pursuing me once divorcing, and have put my life on hold for years believing this. Now I am constantly obsessing about the women he is with, wondering what he is doing with them and who they are. Also, I had asked him many times this year if he was fooling around to which he constantly said "No." Now when I ask about the women he simply states it is none of my business when weeks ago, we shared everything.

    I have loved this man so much, and have been so depressed over the latest revelations that I have not been able to get out of bed, have been crying constantly, feel physical pain, and have started anti depressants. Most days I feel like ending it all, and my family and friends, do not want to know about it as this man has been in my life for years and they believe I should have cut him a long time ago. My heart is broken and I have no one to turn to. I haven't been able to work, sleep, eat or function in day to day life. He has moved on and is enjoying life, and is a well known musician who has hundreds of teenage girls after him which he is now indulging in (despite the fact he is 46). I just can't do this anymore, I feel sick. If there is anyone who I can talk to......anyone.......

    Wow, all of this was very depressing for me to even read and this is all an unfortunate incident here. You should know that this is not your fault that all of these unexpected events occurred as this could have had happened to anyone. It seems that there was no indication that he might have been lying to you about what he was doing. Apparently, from what I am reading in your comment, he had a change of heart the minute that he became "single man" after his divorce and it would be difficult to try to get into his mind on why he would do this to you.

    From what I read about your "family and friends", they are really not helpful people, based on how they just abandoned you and ignored your problem,and if I were you, would not even have such "friends".

    I wish there was a way to help, but, I'm not sure if the advice that was on the last paragraph "How to Mend A Broken Heart" would help you. I never had relationship and can only speak from a male perspective on this one, but I been through a similar negative experience before and had an idea on how to escape from it. I believe, that starting some new routine or hobby can help mend the stress that you've been going through. It's not the cure of what you're feeling, but this is just a transitional stage, which you have to try hard to pass over. Use a clear mind, and try to do something different, the minute you start to have these negative thoughs. Some excercise, meditation, lifestyle change to feel better about youself (mind, body, spirit), music, maybe, travel to a scenic place, that is different from your own environment will at least, relieve, what you're feeling.

    "I haven't been able to work, sleep, eat or function in day to day life. He has moved on and is enjoying life".
    If that is the case, then you need to transition yourself to something greater. You need to empower youself and enjoy life also and this is something that is a life long transition. There, is another tomorrow and develop goals that matter only to you, will help instill purpose in yourself and in your life. This may take effort, but will truely change your mindset. Reading on similar situations as yours will help, understanding some basic psychology, so you can understand the emotions that are afflicting you, will also help (read about similar situations helps me alot, internet, info on psychology to analyse my feelings). I took out this particular sentence, because, this is what catches my eye on what your problem is and what may be the solution. Remember, take a deep breathe, look at the sky, and say that "this will be a new day for me", a day that will help transition me to a new life, where I am free from this unnecesary emotional slavery!". :"I will bring my future and control my destiny".
    I'm not sure if this helps you get over the unfortunate situation, or what you were expecting to here, but I hope this helps. If you need to respond, feel free to do so.
    I wish you only good luck, good health, and a better tomorrow :)

    I felt very sad reading what happened to you. I understand you, because i been through a similar situation...I was fooled by a boy who just disapeared from my life. I´m still taking anti depressants for a couple of months ago, and i really think it´s a really good help!! I think if you could also talk to a psychologist, it also relieves...it´s good...And yes, meeting and talking to new people it´s important! I understand you, because we dedicated so much love to someone, it really hurts. Yes, i felt like a zombie when it happened, loose weight, was really looking bad! Now i´m physically much better, but the pain is still here in my heart!! it´s traumatic, i wish i didn´t knew... But you have to be strong my dear...If you need, i´m here to talk to you!

    Hi Nat,

    I am truly sorry for you. You deserve a much better guy than the one you fell in love with. You really need to get over him. To be honest, men has different wiring than women. I am not sure you hear this before - A woman wants one man to satisfy her every little needs. A man wants every women to satisfy his one little need. Most men works like this.

    I have going through a hard breakup myself. But I get creative each day to mend my broken heart. I go to exercise, meet friends, start some new activities like going to waterfalls and hiking. IN fact, a week after the breakup , I was oversea and I felt so sad but I still had to work. I thought after my 3-days work, I would slumped on my bed , covered myself with blanket and cried and wallow in my sadness. Instead, I went out for zip-lining with my co-workers. I did not want to go, but I did and I felt so much better than being alone and not do anything.

    My advice:
    1. Get into physical activities. Go run, exercise. Anything. It helps.

    2. Accept your situation. There are times you will still wonder why you cannot be together. As soon as it comes, just make yourself stop wondering and accept the situation as it is .

    3. Pray for God to ask help to get over him.

    I hope strength and happiness for you.

    Regards,
    Susan

    Like everyone above, it's been a terribly rough road, missing my boyfriend and friend of 5 years. It makes me wish we had never crossed the line from friends to something more. However then I think of all the great times and hard times we shared as a couple. I have been trying to speak to friends and family without being too over indulgent. I've had several words of good advice. The main point being, they not only have to be the right person, but the right person at the right time. You can love someone, and they may love you, however if the timing isn't right, it's not going last. I think it's so amazing to fall in love and have those feelings returned, though sometimes we forget to ask the questions. We need to ensure we're on the same path. We have action plans and strategies for our career, our financial goals , yet all that goes out the window when you fall in love with someone. I've just started trying to figure out who the hell I really am. Sometimes we loose ourselves in someone else's life. I know I have. Two steps forward, one step back. I still cry, but I smile as well.

    i,am currently going through this myself. . .

    i was kind of lost and looking for help . . i ,am away from my friends and everyone bcoz its vacation time. . .

    Having no one to talk to makes it much worse actually. . . I tried to Google what i could do to feel better . .

    Reading about other people who have been through the same situation as you have is actually a little helpfull . .

    It all goes to show that . . it will get better . . it may seem all bad and gloomy now but there is a silver lining or what

    you can call as a ray of hope. . . .i,am commenting here just to tell someone whats going through my head . .

    Thank you for reading :)

    I recently lost the greatest thing that has ever happend to me. I loved her with all my heart and soul. I treated her to the best of my ability. We grew into a wonderful couple. I wanted to marry her. I hoped and prayed she would never leave me. But just like all my hopes and dreams, it was too good to be true. She went to camp for a week, and came back with totally different feelings for me. She is a part of who I am. I long for that comfort and security that I once had with her. I don't know who I am anymore or what my purpose is. The love I have is still there, the pain I feel is still there. I beg God to give me the happiness in which I used to feel. But I no longer feel the annointing in my hands and feet, nor in my heart and soul. each tear that falls, I can feel my heart shatter more and more. Maybe I loved her too much, and maybe I just failed to give her the space in which she needed. Nothing can change the love I have for her. Nothing can change my mind. I don't want a replacement. All I want is her. I love her.

    I recently just broke up with my boyfriend it's not the first time we brake up. The last time we broke up was about a year ago and we lasted 6 months without talking in no such way. He than after those 6 months wrote to me again. Feeling excited and anxious we started talking again we dated for already a year again but just things weren't the same anymore. This time I felt I was giving more in the relationship than he was. We have none each other for 6 years already. But idk why I just can't never move on form the brake up. I can't stop thinking about all that happened and regret breaking up with him but I feel I need to move from this and live my life. I just feel like I've stopped my whole life for him but I just can't find the way to get back up. I think every secOnd of the day if this is really what I want. I need help to get through this heart ache I can't find anything to make it better and just feel plain lonely and just like my whole life has stopped. I see him and he is like nothing happened and just already starting a new life this hurts soooo much and I just want to leave this in the past and have a fresh start. Please help

    Helllo, I am fifteen years old and perfectly aware that what. I am feeling is nothing compared. To what other. People are feelng at this. Moment in time. However, I thought it was worth a shot, since at this stage I will take adivce or help from anywhere. I have feelings for my best friend that I know are strong, although I'm not sure whether the're romantic or nnot. Even if theyare, I'll have to get over them. Said best friend is currently hapy with. His irlfriend- he recently moved down to live with her. [He is eighteen, andlives in a. Different country. Long story.] Anyway, before he moved, I used to talk to both him and his girlfriendonline, for several hours a day, mostdays. We were close, know everything about each other. Butsince the move... If I'm lucky, he'll be on for maybe five minutes a day. This was only last week, and I'm aware the situationmight settledown, given time,,but... Thinking about him, it. Hurts. This. Girl, she's everything, makes him hapy, they're perfect for each other. I. Just want to be happyfor them, but when I finallylet myselfthink about it, usually at night, I find tears comingto my eyes as I realize he doesn't need me anymore.Whatgood is a best friend, when you have a lover and a friend, all rolled into ne? But I don't want to thinklike that. I don'twat this dull, achingthrob in my chest whenI'm trying to. Sleep, these dreamsof beingforgotten about completel. He doesn'tmean to hurtme, doesn'tevenknow he is- I make sure of that. Besides, Love isblind; Hehas eyes for her and her. Only. I'm not askingforpity or sympathy here, I'm just asingis it normaltoget this ache in your chest over circumstanceslike this, andifanyone knows of any way tolessen the pain...Or, how to. Explainthat I don't like goingon webcam with. Them, sitting theirlike athirdwheelony own. Yes, I think that sumsit up. I feel like athird wheel all thetime. Apologies for any grammatical/spelling errors,my currentkeyboard isslightly defecive.

    I met my first love when I was 13. And him and I got married when I was sixteen. Have a beautiful daughter from the marriege. Me and him broke up a few times. But we kept trying. Last year after not seeing for 2 years, comes into my life. And every feeling came back, forggeting how long it took to get over the past. But so I gave a try once again, and little did I know we would break up again and this one was the worst thus far. It's be 6, months now. I have lost 40 jobs from heart break. I can barely eat when I try to eat. Am happy during the day but once I put my child to sleep me and I have time to think. It feels as if am litterly about to die. Just recently I found out his dating a new person and possibley marry her. But what kills me the most is the fact he let's me know he forces himself to love her the way he was in love with me. But yet he says inlight of all of that he wants to toughen it out with her. Which made my heart break even more. Did you ever even love me. The fact you want to force yourself to love her. And am,more emberest about is I poured my,heart out tonight. And told him why can't you toughen it out with me. And the fact we already have something. I wonder was the whole thing a lie. The way he just gave up on us and is willing to be with her. I have pain in my entire body that is not physical but an inner pain. A soul tournamented to love him. I doubt ill ever get over him. I just wish the pain would stop. It kills me to even picture him holding her.
    I regeret choosing him over my dad. Who kept telling

    Was telling me and warning me. I'll be miserable. I love him so much that I hate myself for loving someone who doesn't love the way I do. I feel hate, love, anger, resentment. God forgive me to the point where I had wished death on the girl. And for him to live the rest of his life in regeret, and misery. But I don't want to wish thoes types of things on him for I love too much. And I hate myself for wishing death on someone who has done nothing to me. May god forgive me and help me learn to be me again. To,live again. To breath again. But yet dispite all the tourment, I long for an us again. My soul is connected to him.

    Refresh the memory of this arrogant piece of work right now! Remind him that unless you have signed a pre-nup agreement half of everything he owns is yours right down to his retirement and some investments he may have. Don't sit and be sad, get mad! I was married before when younger and I was stupid. I loved him with all my heart, but he was a born cheater. It took a long time for me to realize I couldn't change him, but I finally got my head out from under the rock and saw clearly he was plain no good. The one mistake I made (we had no children and no home, but investments) was I was too soft-hearted to go for the gold. He wasn't rich, but we'd both worked hard and in British Columbia, Canada, the divorce is one session and then it's a lot of red tape to get back into court to get half your assets. I didn't bother because he had already caused me enough grief and I just wanted to get rid of him. Even when I left and got my own apartment I was lonely for him???? It wasn't that at all. The good memories (at the beginning of our relationship) came flooding back, I was hurt and confused and started to blame myself. I could have been a better wife, prettier, did more of what he wanted and on and on my pea brain went. The truth of the matter was I could have been perfect and this guy would have continued to cheat. I finally got mad, dusted myself off, got a new job, met new friends and started to get into the dating circuit again. I was introduced to my second husband by a male friend of mine and we've been happily married for 34 years. There is hope hon, so kick this waste of skin to the curb, fight for your rights and get on with your life!

    Good luck

    I found this article to be very accurate and helpful. Like anything there are different depths of pain and different people handle pain better than others. Some of us are of the "Gifted" "over sensitive" type. Imagine meeting your absolute soul mate at 48 years old. The one you have been looking for all you life (Being a hopeful romantic). Upon falling in the deepest love imaginable there are complications. She is diagnosed with cancer while you are working a brand new job in a different are of the country. The sickness goes on for 18 months, plans to marry have already been made and one day before she is to arrive at your door and two before you are to be married she dies.

    My Point is ....there is Heartbreak and then there is HEARTBREAK.

    wow ...is helpful to read experiences of others so here goes mine ...I am 39 years old, just turned last week actually. I have been divorced/separated from my first husband of 15 years and father of my 2 children for almost 3 years. I left him, because he broke my heart slowly for years. I fell in love with him so easily, looking back i think he may have not fell so easily but i was so ready to be in love and get married that i didnt see that maybe he wasnt. I can be pretty stubborn so...well His family didnt have much money and he was from another Country where marrying a Girl from the USA or Canada with $ is pretty much a dream come true. I sometimes think he didnt know how to love me. I remember being happy when the kids were little but i also remember that i found out he cheated on me only a few months after we were married, and i remember so many clues that it wasnt the first or last time. I forgave him, i wanted to be married and happy. I got pregnant and he freaked out, couldnt touch me or recognize the pregnancy for months. How can you be afraid of comitment when you are married for 7 years?? Well children are a distraction, they make us stop thinking so much about ourselves and likely that is why we were happiest those 2-3 years.

    Then he began to always be unhappy, angry, he would humiliate me, call me names, yell at me, throw things. at first only behind closed doors, then later in public, I would cry and cry and cry and beg him to tell me what was wrong with us, with me with him, to talk, to communicate, i tried to be logical, to help him understand himself and why he was so unhappy when we had everything. I look back and see that there were stages in my heartbreak and the death of my love for him, due to what was essentially verbal abuse

    First i would be so hurt with the things he said and did, i would cry and cry and try to be different, question myself, my actions,

    then later i was able to hold back the tears, get angry or not show my pain......later cry alone, in the shower where noone would hear or see me and then emerge with a smile as if all was well

    finally it didnt hurt....i would shut completely down, or even laugh....
    that is when it was over...

    I accepted that i would live for my children, my business and i didnt need love, and that noone would want me anyway. My heart was closed for business, locked up behind iron doors, and then my eyes opened, i found that i was worthy of being wanted, or even loved. and I met a friend that helped me see that i didnt need to stay in that horrible situation. That it would be hard, and painful, and scary but that i should leave my husband. I did, and i never looked back or regretted my decision, even though 3 years later the ugly horrible world that is divorce has still not completely concluded and has served to reinforce my decision as he showed even uglier sides of himself.

    Well i began dating my friend, he was so different from my ex husband, it seemed he had been through similar situation, with his wife, he treated me like a queen, made me feel beautiful, he talks, and talks and talks, and i love it, he makes me feel intelligent, and against my better judgement and all my intentions i fell in love with him...but now 3 years later, i feel my heart break everytime we fight, and evertime we fight, which isnt very often, he leaves...and the pain is so familiar, i am starting to do what i did before..i stop saying what i feel, i try not to cause any conflicts so he wont go, put up with stuff that i shouldnt probably put up with just to stay with him. I felt safe with all the crap i was going through and optimistic when he was around, he was so positive and happy and encouraging all the time...except ...when he wasnt. And i couldnt stand the idea of not having him with me. I panic, and I dont want to feel the pain again, the fear of the pain is stronger than anything else....i feel like i am losing what we had, my best friend, my soulmate because i cant be honest and i let him treat me in ways that hurt me just to have him near and enjoy loving him. He taught me to love and respect and apreciate myself! why cant i exercise that same strenth with him . I dont want to sabotage somethng that may be right, but at the same time i dont want to stay and make another 15 year mistake.... I love him...but i need to remind myself to love myself. If it is meant to be it will be and if not...it wont. right? Everytime, so far, when he has left, he comes back. But strangely everytime it hurts, and scares me that he wont come back. And while he is gone my heart breaks, and i lose all my strength..again.

    I learnt this. If you really want something in your life, you need to detach. The fear of losing the one you love are making you to lose yourself. If you lose yourself and don't even love yourself, how can you expect anyone to love you? It is a vicious cycle.

    Try to focus on improving yourself. Surrounds yourself with friends. Chase your dreams. Give love (not expect in return).

    I got this from the Internet and I keep it close to my heart:
    For all things and non-things that you may ever want, , understand that sometimes the fastest way to get them is to forget them, and to focus instead on just being the most amazing human being you can be. At which point all of your heart’s desires, spoken or unspoken, will be drawn to you more powerfully than a magnet is drawn to steel.

    Forget, detach. Move forward (on your own).

    Its been a year since my fist love left me, and I'm still in stage four. Believe me, the Pain, confusion, and emptiness is all very real. I gave him everything and would've sworn we would end up married with kids and grand kids.

    definitely true..there's a big changes in me now..and that's because of having this broken heart,..it's not really easy to move on..it's not easy to go for your own life. alone..i mean without the person you used to be with . .but now, i can say that i had moved on..i recovered from depression already..i just enjoy every moment of my life being single with my friends. .they make me happy..and yes, they are the healers of my wound. .i am so thankful to have them..
    the feeling is not the same as before...