Where is Mel Brooks when you need him?

Ever since Chipotle's self-righteous claim (which isn't even true) that the company was removing GM ingredients from its food because "it doesn't align with [the company's] position," just about everything conceivable went wrong.  It's now a bit of a novelty to find a news day when they haven't poisoned someone.

Doods—chill.

You just ate a bunch of poisonous stuff. Some of it was especially nasty, and I don't mean the cooking, rather, the chemicals in the food. Chances are that you are fine. 

So am I, with the exception of sitting (mostly still) for two hours in a car with my mother (wonderful woman and I love her to death, but good lord, can she talk!) on the Long Island Expressway (LIE)—a misnomer if ever there were one—to attend Thanksgiving dinner. 

The day was not lacking in stress. This is me channeling Lloyd Bridges: 

Betcha that got your attention. I hope so.

Because, even though the title may sound like the essence of juvenile stupidity, if you read this—if only to see what the hell I'm talking about—it could save your life. And, no— I'm NOT kidding about this.

I'm talking about colonoscopies—one of the most feared words in the English language. 

The reality is that something that is so feared is actually rather enjoyable. Nope—I'm not kidding. And I know what I'm talking about. I've had enough of these done that I'm considering adding it to my CV under "hobbies." 

One just has to be able to accept certain scientific liberties to be a fan (addict?) of The Walking Dead. It is well worth it, since it's the most entertaining hour on television.

For example, I always wondered why the characters are routinely covered with zombie blood, guts, and other slime, all of which routinely runs down into their mouths, *and* into open wounds, yet they never catch the virus that started the apocalypse. One character even stuck his hand in the mouth of one of the things that was trying to bite him, and ripped its head off. *That* was OK, yet, if he had sustained a nibble on a cuticle during this attempt, he would have caught it turned into one of them.

The Harlem Globetrotters had very little to worry about. After all, they had won 2,499 straight exhibition games against their foils, the Washington Generals. What could possibly go wrong? 

Earlier this week, former National Basketball Association star Lamar Odom was found unconscious in a Nevada brothel, after taking what the owner said was a large quantity of “herbal Viagra.” He is said to be near death at this time.

It may be little consolation for his family and friends, but this tragic development can serve as a cautionary tale for the American public, which has been systematically been fed lie after lie about the benefits of dietary supplements.

Thanks to the Dietary Supplement Health and Education Act (DSHEA) of 1994, courtesy of Senators Orrin Hatch (R, UT) and Tom Harkin (D, IA), so-called dietary supplements have been given a special niche.