As we are already talking about light bulb jokes, the many useless comments to my rather more serious articles lately got me to compile the answer to the following question, although it is certainly not a joke:

Question: How many in favor of nuclear energy does it need to change a light bulb?

Answer: Only fear mongers misinterpret the bits of glass and filament on the floor in those totally abstruse ways. Whenever experts have shone their torches onto the bulb, it has appeared quite bright. This proves that the glass on the floor cannot be possibly from the bulb, because if it were, the bulb could not work, but it clearly does.

Experts agree, and those that do not agree, they only write in journals I don’t even look at. The levels of glass on the floor are totally harmless; thousand times less than when those fire breather clowns walk over broken wine bottles, and even then nothing happens at all.

The media are hyping this totally out of proportion. How dare they in the face of tragedy? Right now, as heroes pull glass splinters out of the bleeding feet of poor children and people wander about with bumps on their heads and stubbing their toes on table legs because they can’t see a damn thing, some callously exploit the suffering for their political agenda. Why not focus on how it is science that helps the poor victims?

Do you want to light coal fires inside the house? Opening the window blinds to let in the sunlight is totally unfeasible and would not make the slightest bit of impact, moreover, we cannot afford it.

You have no say anyway, as you have a PhD only in physics and worked in electricity, optics, and thermodynamics, and on the materials science of glass and tungsten. I do not find professor of light bulbs in your CV.

Leave it to the experts who have been trained in the industry and are working in the field for a long time, having accumulated much experience with broken bulbs. These bulbs were designed for 30 years but have a flawless 40 year safety record and they have been recently approved for another ten years, which proves that they cannot brake – they just can’t. This afternoon, the minister of economy said again that there is some progress on number four of the six broken bulbs, so it is fully under control now, as it has always been. There are no problems with any bulbs!